Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

[overgrowngrass]

We are currently planning our wedding and shocked at how much everything costs. At the moment it looks like we might opt for either a weekday wedding to save costs, or have the wedding on a Saturday but without inviting children. The wedding will be in school holidays, if a weekday, as we have close family who are teachers.

As a parent, which is preferable?

YANBU - child free weekend wedding is preferable
YABU - I like to bring my kids, have it on a weekday

Option 3 - much smaller wedding that is in your budget (and at a weekend)

I’ve only ever been to one weekday wedding and I’d say 30% guests left after eating saying they had work the next day…another 30% left after first dance and the majority of remaining guests trickled out between 8-9pm. The wedding finished at 11 so between 9-11 there was about 20 people there, empty dance floor etc and I was quite embarrassed for them. Don’t do it.

We are getting married in September and decided to do it on a Saturday and have children there.

It is more expensive, but we've factored that into our budget. Surprisingly a large number of friends don't actually want to bring their children 🤣

I would change tack if I were you and choose a completely different venue so that you can include everyone you want to or slim it down massively and keep it low key - thinking registrar office and then hire a room in a pub or something - buffet and drinks.
I have had two weddings - first cost a fortune and went too quickly and was a waste of money (forget that I married the wrong man obvs!); second one was much quieter and way more enjoyable.
Think what you could do just with the venue cost of £5K+!

I'm impressed that you are inviting 15 friends each and 30 family members each!!! I honestly don't know anywhere near that amount of people!

DH and I eloped and got married in Vegas...I highly recommend 🤪

Also, from a recent bride, really think hard about your compromises. Weekday weddings are usually really rubbish, people who've had one will argue otherwise, but they're crap. Lots of guests leave earlier than they would at the weekend because they don't want to take two days leave. It's just a different vibe on a Wednesday.

This, from the rooftops.

I’ve been to multiple midweek weddings, ranging in budget from cheap and cheerful, to 150+ guests, full white wedding.

They’ve all finished early, with people tailing off from immediately after the meal. Much more sedate, not the same atmosphere of everyone letting their hair down as plenty of guests will be working the next day. And those who did take the 2 days off moaned about losing the annual leave for a wedding on a random Thursday.

What about a small childfree daytime with your closest friends and family - say 40 of you, max, childfree.

Then, evening time, open it up to kids, wider family, work friends etc and have a party?

@overgrowngrass

When my husband and I got married, lots of our friends said they would prefer to come without the children. And it was only really close family who did bring the children (although all were invited).

Certain parents won't like the idea of their children not being there, others will relish in it. It's a very personal choice and you won't be able to please everyone.

We initially planned to have an elopement wedding with just our parents, but I knew I'd also want my sisters there and it spiralled into a 250 guest list. In hindsight, I wish we'd just gone with our original plan.

Do what you and your husband want, it's your special day. The people that matter most will understand :)

Don't stress yourself over it, have a fab time whatever you decide.

Obviously not everyone will agree but FWIW I would prefer weekend and child free.

I'd never expect my child to be invited to a friend's wedding anyway, though.

If you were looking at a Friday wedding I'd say go for it. Most local people would only need one day of leave. Wednesday seems like a rubbish day for a wedding.

I'd compromise somewhere else and for the amount of children you'd need to invite I'd go for no kids. Maybe an exception for young babies.

@Brainded is right. My wedding is on Good Friday so a bank holiday, which you would think everyone has off. Apparently one of our friend’s company doesn’t have Good Friday (they have the Tuesday after Easter off instead) so he has to take leave 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think this is spot on really. There's loads of different factors at play.

We have a relative who is having a weekday, term-time wedding this year. The kids are invited but one is school age. Which is a bit of a headache.

No way would I attend a wednesday wedding, I'd likely need two days off. Annual leave is precious

If you have a midweek wedding as others have said you need to be prepared for it not to have the stereotypical big party reception. In my experience midweek works best for casual/informal weddings (smaller service then nice lunch somewhere - been to some lovely weddings like that), the ‘big’ midweek weddings I’ve been to have always fallen flat as people trickle off to be up for work in the morning soon into the evening do, higher proportion of guests driving etc. I’ve known some annoyed bride and grooms in my time because of this but I’m really not sure what they expected.

My circle has a lot of doctors, nurses etc which means a weekend is no guarantee that people won’t be working. Even still the midweek weddings in this group haven’t quite worked unless it’s been a more relaxed/less partying style.

It sounds like the venue isn’t working for you in terms of costs, capacity or times - does it have to be this one?

So most people you know work Monday to Friday and yet you are thinking of a weekday wedding. 🤷‍♀️ I agree with the posters that have said you need to plan a wedding within your means and not put that expense onto other people - as in expect people to use their precious annual leave in order for you to save a few quid.

Lots of factors to consider. How many people will have to travel and how far? I've been invited to a childfree one in Portsmouth this year...I live in NE Scotland so I'm looking at least 3 days away. Outside childcare for that length of time is an impossibility.

If you invite children, everyone who doesn't want to bring their kids still has that as an option.

Child free wedding all the way, for me! People who actually want to attend will find a way to attend regardless.

Childcare in the summer holidays means most houses run with military precision - a weekday wedding with children would be a faff as would mean paying for a day in childcare that wouldn't be used (most places won't let you pick and choose) and then annual leave for the non teachers.
Go for a weekend

It’s a given where I live that children aren’t invited unless close family to bride and groom. Children would make up more than half of my numbers if I had to invite them all, definitely have the weekend date and don’t listen to people calling you selfish

The other alternative is that you don't need to have a big fancy wedding with wedding breakfast. I got married for £8k including dress, suits, food, venue decor etc. we had the ceremony in one venue with 80 guests, went to some nearby gardens for photos then hired a social club that provided decor, BBQ food for lunch and buffet for evening and cheap drinks for the guests. Wouldn't have done it any other way!
There's so much pressure these days to have a big fancy wedding but to start off a marriage in debt just seems crazy to me!
I also know people that have hired out pubs with large outdoor space and had gazebo with DJ, bouncy castle, hog roast and they've been able to do it a lot cheaper than if it was in a big manor etc.

But if you're set on the big wedding that charges more for weekends I would go with a weekday wedding (would opt for a Friday so that guests only need to take 1 days AL if staying over). In terms of children, leave it up to the parents. Some people prefer to have a child free day at a wedding so that they can enjoy it without having to keep an eye on their bubs! If it's all too expensive consider cutting down day guests to close friends and family and just have friends in the evening.

Congratulations and hope it goes well - don't stress, whatever you decide will be right for you. Don't listen to the ones that moan about your decision. It is after all your decision, your money and your day!

What’s the point in this? To cut out adults she knows well to be able to invite peoples children? She can afford a wedding for 110 people just not all their children

I would choose a cheaper venue as I would much rather have people I wanted to be there, there.

But as that's not an option probably the weekend ....

I’m happy to take my kids with us to weddings, they’re nice people and good company. However, they eat adult sized meals and take up an adult size guest space at a wedding so I completely understand when they’re not invited as we take up half a table of 10.

We’ve had great fun at weddings without them too. It’s way more expensive when they’re invited as that’s 3 extra outfits to buy, at least 1 extra hotel room so doubles our accommodation costs.

Midweek is a pig. Friday not so much but any other day you start having to book off at least 2 days of annual leave. If you’ve already got a fortnight booked off in the school summer holidays, requesting 2 more days in another week can get trickier depending on the size of your team at work.

But: it’s your day, it’s your choice and you need to just make sure that the most important people are there. Everyone else is a bonus.

If it is no kids, we had a lovely handwritten note from my cousin with her invitation saying “we’re so sorry that we’ve not been able to invite all the children but we’re limited by numbers and budget. We hope you understand but if it’s a problem, please get in touch (phone number)”.

Not everyone is in the same situation with childcare. This cousin had to come on her own to our other cousin’s wedding as she’d not allow her little one and partner to stay at the same hotel but not come to the wedding. Really sad. They weren’t allowed (and didn’t want) to leave him overnight with anyone as they were going through the adoption process. They just needed a bit of flexibility. It sounds like you’re a lovely empathetic person from your post anyway.

If people are arses about it either way, that’s on them.

This. Just be sensible, it's fine to have a small wedding. One that you can afford will be more enjoyable.

I think child free can be tricky and a bit polarising. Weddings are a family event, and it's nice to include everyone, however, charging £40 per head is a lot. We never had childcare available, not everyone does, so you have to consider that. On balance go for the weekend, but consider pps advice about maybe a different/ cheaper location, unless you've set your heart on it.