This... You definitely can't please everyone. And especially not asking opinions on Mumsnet where people seem far more offended to receive an invitation that isn't 100% done in the way that is most convenient for them than anyone I know in real life is!
And ignore the people who immediately think you have to include absolutely everyone even if that means essentially having it in a field and doing all the catering yourself for budget, (they'd be the guest ones moaning about the wedding they went to without enough chairs or whatever in reality). I also don't
understand the people on here who essentially say they'd rather you have a tiny wedding and not be invited at all, than be given the option to decide if they can / want to make childcare or annual leave work, or if they want to politely decline.
Obviously whichever of your options you choose you may have some people who won't come due to either lack of childcare or annual leave, but that's life (as long as you don't take that personally / put pressure on them). Find out what the few people who mean most can do (not what they prefer, but what is possible) so you know they'll be there.
Or decide yourself would you rather a family event with lots of kids, where realistically it won't be a big late boozy evening because lots will either have work next day and tired kids... Or a more adult affair on the weekend which will probably be a later night (but some may still need to get back for babysitters / not come due to that).
Depending on your guests, there could also be an option to only invite family children maybe? I think people should understand that.
I can't vote on which I prefer as there are too many variables - will my parents who do most of our childcare also be invited for example!
Personally I'm going to a wedding soon which is on a midweek day, in term time, 3 hours away from home, no kids invited, and family so my parents are going and can't babysit. It's the worst combination, as my in laws could babysit on weekends or school holidays, but not midweek term time unless we took the kids out of school. But I'm only a distant relative so wouldn't expect anything to be arranged around me! I'm making it work by leaving my DH at home, as it's my side of the family. If I couldn't do that I'd probably not have gone, but no hard feelings. They deserve the day they want not a guilt trip. And yes I'm using 2 days annual leave, not sure why some people would NEVER use leave for a wedding. Isn't leave for doing fun things and seeing your family and friends? Yes when you are a parent you might want to save most for childcare in school holidays, but in this case if it was a weekday it would be school holidays and kids would be with you, so you are killing two birds with one stone in terms of annual leaves!
You'll never please everyone.