Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

[overgrowngrass]

We are currently planning our wedding and shocked at how much everything costs. At the moment it looks like we might opt for either a weekday wedding to save costs, or have the wedding on a Saturday but without inviting children. The wedding will be in school holidays, if a weekday, as we have close family who are teachers.

As a parent, which is preferable?

YANBU - child free weekend wedding is preferable
YABU - I like to bring my kids, have it on a weekday

Also don’t think a 3k discount is reasonable for a Wednesday wedding, the hassle it creates requires a bigger discount.

Is the venue more important to you or would you rather have everyone there that you want? Is it worth having a look at somewhere where you could invite everyone plus children for similar cost to your existing venue?

It's your day so it has to be what you want. If that venue is important to you, stick with it. But could be worth looking elsewhere.

I wish that was the full adult price per head! 😂

Meal costs for adults at pretty much every venue in our area we’ve had brochures from (I have a soreadnsheet and there are 56 venues on it 😳) are from £80 without booze and from £100 with.

This is what I meant when I said we had been floored by the costs. It’s a lot. But as we’re only doing it once, (and we don’t wish to elope, thanks) so be it.

Soreadnsheet = Spreadsheet!

It it a huge wedding then? As 30 children seems loads unless every guest has a large family.
i think we had 42 guests total. 8 that were children 0-10 years.

I honestly can’t imagine having a wedding with no children. It’s seems sad

I didn’t have anyone to watch my own child at my own wedding, so I’m not going to have sudden offers to watch him when I attend someone else’s wedding. He wouldn’t stay with someone he didn’t know.

A weekday wedding would be without children anyway, except for the very tiny (who are the tricky ones to have there!) or if in the holidays.

So you may as well go for a weekend!

I really enjoying the presence of children at my wedding though- and it was before I had any myself

That's a rather thoughtless comment

OP is clearly trying to work out the best thing within budget

Around 110 guests. Everyone we know seems to have three children, other than my best friend who went one better and has four, currently trying for number five!

I was very thankful that all the weddings I was invited to were weekend and child free. Weekday is a real pain I really don’t want to be using a day of leave for some else’s wedding no matter how much I like them. Totally agree Wednesday is awful as that likely means two days off if people have to travel.

Yes you are right re being a particularly shit day.

£40 covers both meals.

£6k/£9k literally covers venue cost only plus four bedrooms for two nights. No food, entertainment etc, that’s all separate.

Well 110 guest is huge! Shrink your list to about 50-60 and you will a) be able to afford it b) actually be able to talk to guests for more than 1 min. You won’t have time to chat with 110+ guests in one afternoon so what’s the point.

If a lot of people you know have kids it seems to be a lot to ask to not have them... can you look at alternative venues? They seem like big things to have to compromise on tbh.

Nope, she's being rigid and unimaginative, prioritising her idea of a wedding or the convenience of a glossy package over her guests' convenience. That's fine, it's her wedding, but she should own her decision.

If she wanted to do it within a more realistic budget and invite everyone, there are plenty of ways to do. They probably don't involve glossy brochures and Instagram worthy venues though.

Sounds massive but that’s only 15 friends each plus their spouses, then 30 family members each. Easily done!

It doesn’t sound a lot of people to me but… every weekday wedding I have been to has had a maximum of around 30 people at it. People just don’t come or go home early and then the buffet is wasted.

It is a pretty large wedding.
If you cut down at least a third it would definitely make things easier.
If you want that many people maybe look at more mundane wedding venues, or a church/registry office then hotel/barn/marquee/village hall.

If your BF has 4 DC why don't you ask her what she thinks. She probably has a much better idea than us how each option would work with your set of friends.

Is a compromise to invite family children but not friends' children? My DSis invited her and DF's nieces and nephews but no other children.

I always think the whole point of a wedding is joining two families together, so children should be there, it is also family who will find their babysitting options are limited.

Friends often appreciate the chance for child free time.

Best friend is the one who would prefer to have her children there 🙃

My other two closest friends with three kids each prefer a child free wedding, my final closest friend with only one child is neutral. Maybe because hers is 13 and so not too much hassle to sort either way.

Mmm it is a dilemma.

Is there another option which is cut down on number of friends and have a weekend wedding with some DCs there, but encourage those who have alternatives not to bring them.

I know we invited some work friends to the wedding and we have scarcely seen them since, so is there any paring back you can do on the invite list?

I think with the weekday option being a Wednesday you have to go for a weekend. It's just an odd day for a wedding and requires everyone to either not drink in the evening or take at least two days off work.

The last weekday wedding I went to everyone had cleared off by 10pm as they had work the next day. Weekend, no kids.

If it was a weekday wedding, I wouldn't attend, my annual leave is precious and I wouldn't choose to use 2 days for someone else's wedding, I didn't use any for my own. My DH wouldn't be able to attend unless he used a week of annual leave as he is unable to book off single days.
Although it would be saving you money, that saving is being passed onto your guests in the form of the value of their leave, based on a couple, both earning minimum wage, working 7.5 hours per day, that would cost them over £300 for 2 days, if you multiply that by the number of guests who would need time off work, I'm sure that would far outweigh any savings you make.
I personally wouldn't be comfortable asking that of my nearest and dearest

In my case, it's not that I'd desperately want to but that she is too young to do an overnight with anyone else at the moment and isn't a great sleeper so wouldn't be fair to leave her for someone else to handle.

Yeah but if they prefer not to bring their children the they still have that option don't they?

My sister invited all her friends' children to her wedding but all but one left them at home.