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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

208 replies

overgrowngrass · 23/02/2024 11:59

We are currently planning our wedding and shocked at how much everything costs. At the moment it looks like we might opt for either a weekday wedding to save costs, or have the wedding on a Saturday but without inviting children. The wedding will be in school holidays, if a weekday, as we have close family who are teachers.

As a parent, which is preferable?

YANBU - child free weekend wedding is preferable
YABU - I like to bring my kids, have it on a weekday

OP posts:
BillieMomJeans · 23/02/2024 14:00

Wow at not having kids saving 2k.. that's a huge saving. Even though they don't drink or eat much?! How many kids??

Sufac · 23/02/2024 14:02

Childfree. I’m not childfree, but every wedding I have been to with children has been a nightmare!! I love childfree weddings, can properly catch up with my friends and chat without having one ear/eye out for the children. If my children were invited to a wedding I wouldn’t bring them unless I had to. They’re not much fun for the child unless the children are older and be left to themselves.

CornflakesOnTheSolesOfHerShoes · 23/02/2024 14:06

For us it wasn’t so much the cost (although that would have been considerable as it was a plated sit-down dinner) as the capacity. Both the church and the reception venue had absolutely rigid caps on numbers for fire safety reasons, and it was already a nightmare trying to work out who didn’t make the cut, with a few decisions I still regret/feel guilt about. Children would have taken up half the available slots, for a formal ceremony and evening party that really wasn’t envisaged with them in mind. To be honest we never really considered inviting them, and most weddings I’ve been to since we had our own kids have been similar. Much I’ve enjoyed the odd more relaxed one that we’ve brought them along to, they haven’t been the norm in my experience. And I’ve never been invited to a weekday wedding but almost certainly wouldn’t be able to go…

BasiliskStare · 23/02/2024 14:08

I think the one you would prefer is the preferable one. As long as you know some people won't be able to come for whatever reason but they know they were invited - I think it is fine . You can't please all of the people all of the time.

Congratulations @overgrowngrass - I do think a wedding is something where you can have your choice and I think whichever way you choose a good friend would not blame you if the alternative was spending a huge amount of money

Just my opinion

ahoyhoyhoy · 23/02/2024 14:10

StamppotAndGravy · 23/02/2024 12:15

Rethink your plans. You can't afford the wedding you want so you're pushing the costs onto your guests via babysitters or annual leave. Have a cheaper wedding and stop being so selfish.

Pretty much!

Vermin · 23/02/2024 14:17

+1 for finding a venue you can afford rather than getting guests to cover the decision.

DinnaeFashYersel · 23/02/2024 14:21

As a guest I prefer a child free wedding.

(I have kids but prefer to leave them with GPs and enjoy adult time with DH)

Have you looked dates in the winter? We saved thousands by getting married in November.

AsTheyPulledYouOutOfTheOxygenTent · 23/02/2024 14:21

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 23/02/2024 12:47

Also, from a recent bride, really think hard about your compromises. Weekday weddings are usually really rubbish, people who've had one will argue otherwise, but they're crap. Lots of guests leave earlier than they would at the weekend because they don't want to take two days leave. It's just a different vibe on a Wednesday.

I really agree with this. Friday might be just about OK, any other day (including Sunday) means no real evening party, which is utterly depressing if the bride and groom still plan for one.

I would go weekend child-free every time.

Depends on the location. London (/Brum/Manchester etc) wedding on a Thursday with mostly London (etc) guests could still be a good time as long as most people don't have school age children. If most people are three hours away from home then that's more of a problem.

Notsuretoputit · 23/02/2024 14:25

I don’t understand why anyone would ever want to bring their children to a wedding (excluding newborns).

TwentyFirstCenturyOracle · 23/02/2024 14:27

A Saturday wedding is preferable. Then most of your guests won't need to take time off work on the day or the day after. I think if you can afford to you should make the guests as inconvenienced as little as possible. If you do go for a weekday go for a Friday so they mostly won't need the following day off.

TwentyFirstCenturyOracle · 23/02/2024 14:28

Notsuretoputit · 23/02/2024 14:25

I don’t understand why anyone would ever want to bring their children to a wedding (excluding newborns).

I would imagine it is because they don't have access to weekend childcare.

Station11 · 23/02/2024 14:28

Children at weddings are a pain for everyone involved, ignoring the extra cost.

Amba1998 · 23/02/2024 14:29

I can’t see how having less children makes it that MUCH cheaper so your options confuse me. Kids meals are like a fraction of the adult cost

have it on a Friday child free.

Friday is cheaper but no one needs to take 2 days off work

I’m always in the camp of child free weddings because people can enjoy themselves more

jackstini · 23/02/2024 14:34

We did a Sunday as it was cheaper but still a weekend - is that an option?

What are the most expensive components and how could you cut those?

fluffycatkins · 23/02/2024 14:37

I’m always in the camp of child free weddings because people can enjoy themselves more

Some people can, others won't be able to come at all, all the dc in the family and some parents.

I think it depends OP, is it about everyone in your family getting to watch you get married, is it about having a more adult party, are there a lot of dc that you are close to, or friends who would need to bring dc?

We didn't have a child free wedding but only two guests had dc so it wasn't an issue either way. A lot of this is going to depend on the guests you want to invite to the wedding.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 23/02/2024 14:37

Both?

we got married on a weekday but not until 5pm so at worst people could take a half day. I’m not a huge fan of wedding that mean people have to use loads of annual leave.

first time round ( Saturday) we had no kids, I would hate loads of toddlers and smaller kids running around being noisy. They ruin it for lots of people.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 23/02/2024 14:38

Amba1998 · 23/02/2024 14:29

I can’t see how having less children makes it that MUCH cheaper so your options confuse me. Kids meals are like a fraction of the adult cost

have it on a Friday child free.

Friday is cheaper but no one needs to take 2 days off work

I’m always in the camp of child free weddings because people can enjoy themselves more

Thursday , Friday , Saturday and Sunday ( and bank holiday Mondays) were all the same price at our venue! Gone is the days of cheap Friday weddings!

icallitasplodge · 23/02/2024 14:41

Oh gosh can I be honest? I wouldn’t go to either. It’s just not worth the hassle.

Thats not a bad thing if you need to keep numbers down, could work in your favour if you have a budget but want to be seen to be inviting everyone.

Original poster
overgrowngrass · 23/02/2024 14:41

This particular venue does weddings on only two days - Wednesdays for £6k or Saturdays for £9k. If we do it outside summer, that changes to £5k and £8k respectively.

£1k for use of the additional area which we’d need if we had kids. We’d expect around 30 kids if all came, which at £40/head = £1200.

OP posts:
Turfwars · 23/02/2024 14:42

Friday weddings here in Ireland are becoming increasingly more common in the last 10 years or so. And the general etiquette is that if it's someone very close to you, like a sibling, a day of annual leave isn't a big deal, but if it's someone not so close, then it's optional for them to take the day off or not. You just can't get offended if people rsvp their regrets.

In our case, it was a Friday summer holiday wedding, the location meant that people would have to travel a bit so before we booked, we asked anyone who may have annual leave issues if it suited them to take two/ 1.5 days. All of them were fully on board. But we also timed it so that the ceremony was at 2pm so people could travel the day of the wedding if they wished.

We brought all the kids, as we have our own DS and our day wouldn't have been right without him and yet it would have been shit for him being the only kid, so we leaned into it and got a bouncy castle and a soft drinks bar tab for him and his cousins - and actually it was the first family wedding they were old enough to go to. Youngest was 6 and they were in enclosed gardens so parents could also relax. They pretty much disappeared except for the dinner and came in when it started to get dark and joined their parents on the dance floor. My favourite picture from that day is the one of my partied-out 6yo flower girl fast asleep on the booth seat her daddy's suit jacket over her as a blanket.

Food wise we went with a beef or salmon buffet with lots of sides, plentiful and filling rather than a served meal and a DJ. And I trimmed out pretty much every other wedding 'frippery' that people think is needed for a wedding so in all, it worked out very reasonable as weddings go.

SecondUsername4me · 23/02/2024 14:45

I have kids and I always prefer child free weddings. Is there anyone with dc who wouldn't be able to attend who is very close to you if it was child free (eg all their babysitters will be at the wedding)?

Go for a Saturday and child free, outside of the summer holidays.

Maskedpotato · 23/02/2024 14:46

"But your wedding day is the one day you get to be as selfish as you want and do things exactly as you please. Yes that may mean some people can't or won't come but ultimately you aren't getting married for them."

I disagree. If you are eloping do it exactly as you want but if you have guests at your wedding, you have to consider their comfort as well.

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 23/02/2024 14:48

overgrowngrass · 23/02/2024 14:41

This particular venue does weddings on only two days - Wednesdays for £6k or Saturdays for £9k. If we do it outside summer, that changes to £5k and £8k respectively.

£1k for use of the additional area which we’d need if we had kids. We’d expect around 30 kids if all came, which at £40/head = £1200.

Wednesday is a particularly bad weekday to have a wedding on.

Will the venue really charge you the full adult per head price for children?

fluffycatkins · 23/02/2024 14:49

I agree Wednesday is a terrible day to hold a wedding.
So that leaves child free or another venue.

jackstini · 23/02/2024 14:54

Wednesday is horrendous tbf. People would really need 2 days off

£40 seems high for kids but is that for 2 meals? (Sit down & buffet)

Does the £6/9k cost include any food, drink, rooms or entertainment or just the venue?