Nursery worker telling DD her behaviour…

[Ohwhatsthatnoise]

…will make mummy sad.

And this just isn’t sitting well with me. Wondered what others would think? For context, DD is 2 and the most beautiful, headstrong little girl in the world. I hope to raise her be strong, to be kind, and to be brave. I don’t think I’d ever tell her that her behaviour makes me sad. I’d rather she understood the consequences of her actions. Today, she didn’t show good listening skills when she was asked not to do something, and she kept doing it and her key worker told her this would make me sad. I’d rather it was explained to her why she needed to listen.

If I were to say something to her key worker, would this come across as fluffy parenting with no discipline? It’s an eternal worry of mine because she is the love of my life and I worry I’ll be too soft on her.

One of the consequences of certain behaviours is that it makes people sad or disappointed. The key worker can explain the reasons it's important to listen but also let your daughter know in age appropriate language that if she keeps not listening she'll have to tell mum and mum will "be sad." When she's at school it will be "your parents will be disappointed if I have to phone her about X behaviour."

When my toddler hits me I tell him "that hurt me and makes me feel sad. We do not hit people because it hurts them."

I don't see the problem.

I remember at 2 DS could only really understand happy or sad. So she was probably trying to say that you'd be disappointed? Maybe a bit clunky but I wouldn't bother saying anything. I agree with PP that it's ok to tell her how you feel, in fact I think it's helpful.

Formerly worked in early years. YABU. This was a gentle way of telling your DD to stop. Children displaying poor behaviour would make lots of parents sad I should think. Honestly, pick your battles. If you complained about this I very much doubt they would take it seriously.

No you’re not unreasonable at all. Your toddler is not responsible for your feelings and the nursery staff should not be using emotional blackmail as a form of discipline. Consequences such as not being able to join in x or y etc are fine- but I hate the link between behaviours and feelings for small children. They don’t need that kind of talk and shouldn’t be given that power- if something a toddler does or says makes you sad or upset you need to get a grip.

Also, as kindly as possible, your OP makes it sound as if you think she can do no wrong. That’s probably half the battle. Children misbehave sometimes, it’s how they test boundaries and learn to be human.

'Headstrong'

😂

I don’t think the nursery worker should speakfor you or use your emotions i. This loaded way. She should be managing DD’s two year old behaviour within the nursery framework and keep emotions out of it, way too intense.

I get what you are trying to say OP but at 2 years old there is a limit on what your DD can understand - there are parts of her brain that are far from being fully functioning yet and so any dialogue has to be delivered in an age appropriate way - as others have said the nursery worker was probably just trying to convey, to a 2 yr old, that what she'd done wouldn't make Mummy happy. That said if you are not happy with that wording offer them an alternative, short, acceptable phrase they can use (no guarantees obvs in a busy nursery setting) but they're not, I would guess, going to adopt your "explain everything in real terms" approach.

I doubt she put that much thought into it. She’ll have been doing 101 other things and it’ll have been a throwaway remark.

I sort of get what you mean but I use that language myself. I don't think you can 'explain why a two year old should listen' though. They just don't work like that.

YABU. Even the language you’ve used here is fluffy. She was being naughty. Sometimes a consequence of behaviour is that is DOES make people sad.
Shell be in for a shock when she is older if you shield her from even the most mild criticism.

It’s lazy to use that though- and unprofessional to speak for a parent in such a way, and wrong for many people. It doesn’t make me “sad” if a toddler doesn’t listen- why would it? Might piss me off, frustrate me on a bad day… but mostly I would just link it to the natural consequence-

“it’s a shame you didn’t listen when I asked you to come over here, now you’ve missed seeing the bin lorry driving up and waving to the men.”

or
“I asked you to bring through your cup and bowl and you didn’t listen and do what I asked, so next time you can sit at the table and not through in the lounge”

Why would a child not listening at nursery make you sad?!?

Parenting is going to be a long and difficult journey for you if you overthink everything to this degree.

Mmm ... headstrong can mean so many things. If it means that your child always gets her own way, then good luck with the next few years. Also, you have passed your child to others for daytime care. They cannot perfectly replicate your parenting style. Let go, and don't be 'that' parent.

It’s not overthinking. It’s actually questioning crappy parenting or childcare. Which is totally fine… about time people didn’t just blindly talk shite to little kids.

You are being unreasonable ... I'm not even going to explain why ... and as for the poster suggesting a 2 year old would understand the word 'frustrated ' ... well !!!!!

If she did.... op seems to only have the word of a 2 year old to go on..

I wouldn't like it either. I certainly wouldn't want my child to be emotionally blackmailed in this way.

I think that explaining consequences and enforcing consequences is the best solution for her failing to do as requested. Something like 'you will need to have time out because you didn't listen' .

I thought time out was damaging coz alone or some shit?

I think you need to concentrate on your ' beautiful, headstrong" daughter's behaviour rather than picking holes in what the nursery worker's turn of phrase

Did the nursery worker tell you she'd said this or how did you know?

The nursery used language your daughter would be most likely to understand.

Cringing for you. Nae other geet can possibly compare.

Nursery have used appropriate language imo. They should be talking about feelings at this age. Snatching something from another child will make them 'sad' of course they'd probably also be angry and frustrated but they're not feelings or words a 2 year old would use or understand. I can't see how this can be classed as emotional blackmail! It is age appropriate.