Nursery worker telling DD her behaviour…

[Ohwhatsthatnoise]

…will make mummy sad.

And this just isn’t sitting well with me. Wondered what others would think? For context, DD is 2 and the most beautiful, headstrong little girl in the world. I hope to raise her be strong, to be kind, and to be brave. I don’t think I’d ever tell her that her behaviour makes me sad. I’d rather she understood the consequences of her actions. Today, she didn’t show good listening skills when she was asked not to do something, and she kept doing it and her key worker told her this would make me sad. I’d rather it was explained to her why she needed to listen.

If I were to say something to her key worker, would this come across as fluffy parenting with no discipline? It’s an eternal worry of mine because she is the love of my life and I worry I’ll be too soft on her.

Some nurseries are shit. Just because someone's an EY practitioner doesn't make them a good one. I've got 4 children and consequently I've got a lot of experience of different nurseries and some of the people who run them are not suited to work with kids at all, and are also as dumb as a post.

And to the person who said have some respect, being someone who works in a nursery does not enable you to be above criticism.

I have learned that the best thing to do is to use a nursery which is connected to a school. That way, if the nursery is rubbish it reflects badly on the school. So they are much more careful about who they hire.

I don't think op is coming back

They won't take children till 3 and probably only the year before they enter Reception.

Of course. They were never in serious trouble in school but I suppose if they had been, I would want to know what pushed them to behave badly.

Are we not to raise our daughters to be brave and headstrong?

Agree, this is what I thought too. If nothing else why couldnt she have just said it was making her sad, she was the one witnessing it, she was the one there.

This in a nutshell.

OMG your headstrong (annoying) PFB was not displaying good listening skills 🙄 (being disobedient )

Very fluffy parenting, please don’t think she can do no wrong

But I don’t think that’s the OP’s point.

Well I told my 4 year old granddaughter that if she didn’t agree to having magic cream on her chickenpox spots it would make me sad !
It was 4am and I was absolutely knackered due to no sleep…I was feeling very sad !

I answered, she asked whether this came across as ‘fluffy’ and I thought it did, based on the context given

Oh for goodness sake. Parents like you are exactly why the early years sector is struggling to recruit. No one needs to tolerate this shite.
It’s a completely normal thing to say to a child who is behaving badly. Bad behaviour makes people sad. I wouldn’t have used “Mum” I would’ve said that it is making me sad, because I was the one dealing with it. But give the practitioner a break, they get paid absolutely fuck all to do a very difficult job and don’t need parents like you making it harder.

We absolutely are but they are a pain in the arse as kids though! I just want my DC to listen to what I say and not question everything for once in my god damn life - I feel very sad about this 🤣

They won't take children till 3 and probably only the year before they enter Reception.

Not true - our school nursery takes children as soon as they turn 2.

Our nursery describes it as "XX's listening ears were not working today."

Exactly. Look after your own kid OP if you don't like it

🙄. Yes - because parents (well, women really, because no one would ever say "look after your own kid to a man working to support his family) should give up their jobs if they are unhappy with any aspect of a service they pay a small fortune for. I am the first person to say childcare workers are grossly underpaid but that certainly shouldn't mean parents can't question how their vulnerable young children are cared for.

I've got an idea - why doesn't everyone who thinks like this chip in so the OP can stay at home with her child and not worry about the bills/mortgage?

This is the type of tripe we have to come out with to accommodate the very many parents who think "headstrong" is a positive character trait and don't teach their toddlers to follow instruction as that would be dampening their 'self expression' or 'ability to think for themselves'.

Toddlers have a limited ability to follow instructions though. At 2 they are starting to learn but are often overruled by their emotions or impulses. They need to be helped to regulate these but it is really not an irredeemable character fault or failed parenting for a 2yo to be a bit "naughty" sometimes. And of course nurseries don't describe tiny children negatively if it can be avoided... They know that they are learning and need firm but positive help and guidance to do this.

Maybe tell your "headstrong" daughter that although her behaviour doesn't make mummy sad it isn't the right type of behaviour for nursery or indeed for school when she goes. I guess you may want her to be one of those "people who tell it like it is" when she grows up but hopefully you don't.

Brave yes. Headstrong no. Raise them to be confident.

Of course I'd say that to a man, what an odd comment. Absolutely question some things, but there is a balance and can you imagine if every single parent does this on the daily? If nursery workers keep getting treated like crap there wont be any more left. What is your solution to that? You're not going to agree with everything a nursery worker does as we all have our own styles and perspectives, if you want a tailor made style then get a nanny - and if you cant afford it then suck it up. What an entitled attitude you have.

Now if they said it wryly, as in taking the piss of precious language, I could go along with it, but I'm guessing they weren't ...

My 3 yr old has started asking me, when she's calmed down after an episode of being naughty, "are you happy, Mummy?
I worry about this - my happiness is not her problem. The only person who can manage my happiness is me. I don't want her growing up feeling responsible for other people's emotions or being a people pleaser.

That is not to say that I don't believe in discipline, I absolutely do, but not in the form of emotional manipulation.