Nursery worker telling DD her behaviour…

[Ohwhatsthatnoise]

…will make mummy sad.

And this just isn’t sitting well with me. Wondered what others would think? For context, DD is 2 and the most beautiful, headstrong little girl in the world. I hope to raise her be strong, to be kind, and to be brave. I don’t think I’d ever tell her that her behaviour makes me sad. I’d rather she understood the consequences of her actions. Today, she didn’t show good listening skills when she was asked not to do something, and she kept doing it and her key worker told her this would make me sad. I’d rather it was explained to her why she needed to listen.

If I were to say something to her key worker, would this come across as fluffy parenting with no discipline? It’s an eternal worry of mine because she is the love of my life and I worry I’ll be too soft on her.

She’s not the most beautiful, headstrong little girl in the world. She’s the most beautiful, headstrong little girl in YOUR world.

That sounds really emotionally manipulative.

Maybe OP is a fluffy parent, but I agree that telling children not to do something because it’ll make their parents sad or disappointed isn’t a good idea. Better just to say not to hit because it will hurt someone. Please listen because you need to learn. You can’t eat another piece of cake right now because too much sugar in one go is bad for your body. Etc.

Let’s leave mummy’s sadness out of it.

Precisely!

Lord help you when she starts school, OP.

Do come back and update us.

The nursery worker was speaking in a way that a two year old would understand about how most reasonable parents would react to their child not following instructions (which is what “not listening” means in this context, assuming the nursery is not raising concerns about the child's hearing or receptive language that the OP hasn’t mentioned).

However, OP may not be unhappy, indeed sounds quite proud, about her child not listening/ not following instructions/ being headstrong - until the child doesn’t listen to her instructions one day and puts themselves in serious danger.

You're forgetting that this is the bravest, most beautiful, headstrong girl the world has ever seen. But of course she doesn't need to follow instructions.

she didn’t show good listening skills

the most beautiful, headstrong little girl in the world.

I don’t think I’d ever tell her that her behaviour makes me sad. I’d rather she understood the consequences of her actions.

She is 2 years old. You need to get a grip.

I find a lot of those posts very strange.

The child is 2. Two year olds are a pain in the arse sometimes. Unless an adult is very fragile, normal 2 year old misbehaviour doesn't make them "sad". Dealing with it is just part of the day-to-day of having a 2 year old (or caring for them).

I don't know why people make arsy comments like this.

Yes, it's a little bit-eyerolly but the children who are in trouble in life are those who aren't precious to their parents, not those who are.

And our role as parents is to be our children's advocates and think the best of them (albeit mixed in with a healthy dose of realism). Authority figures don't always act with integrity or get it right - while we shouldn't rush in for every little thing, we should be watchful on their behalf.

I know hahahahaha I laughed too 🤣

MN is a contrary place sometimes. Had the OP come on here and said "I can't stand my badly-behaved defiant 2 year old. She's a right little brat and annoys everyone, including her nursery teachers", she would have got an earful.

Yet this is essentially what many posters are either saying or insinuating about the OP's child.

I think you are being very precious especially talking about how your kid is the most beautiful kind hearted child in the world tbh 😅

But I also think it's not the best wording from the nursery

but the children who are in trouble in life are those who aren't precious to their parents, not those who are.

Actually it can be both. Of course those neglected and unloved will suffer more. But those at the epicentre of their parents' world, who are over indulged, given too much freedom, praised constantly, defended against teachers and all authorities, can suffer in life too.

She's 2. She simply can't understand a big long complicated explanation. Something very simple that explains how behaviour impacts others is important for their development and socialisation.

You sound insufferable. Please don't embarrass yourself by saying anything.

Are you serious saying that there us nothing your kids can do to make you feel sad or disappointed? Than what kind of feeling would you have if they did some thing really bad at school or wherever? I am honestly just trying to understand

On the face of it, YANBU to request the key worker use specific consequences e.g. if you don't listen, you will get hurt; but perhaps it was a frazzled moment, she had more than one child to care for and she needed to quickly nip your child's behaviour in the bud? I do also agree with some others, that sometimes our behaviour does make other people sad, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing to recognise that. Young children don't need lengthy explanations as to why what they're doing is wrong; it's not helpful. Sometimes they just need to be told to stop.

That 'nursery worker' is probably a qualified Early Years Educator and is basically bringing up your daughter, so have some respect.

I wouldn't appreciate this at all. It's just not appropriate. A two year old can't connect their behaviour in that moment to their mother's emotions when she isn't right there in the room. It's expecting an awful lot of a young toddler, and feels very guilt trippy. Connect it to immediate consequences! If you don't listen, you won't be able to join in. You won't hear something funny. You won't be able to learn. Or whatever.

Plus... it's just not true, is it? If my two year old wasn't 'listening' at nursery for whatever reason, I wouldn't be sad at him! I would be happy with the worker encouraging him to listen or talking about natural consequences, but I really wouldn't accept them trying to hook me in to influence my kid's behaviour with a lie when I'm not even there or aware.

I know without even reading the replies already plenty of people will say YABU and you're being precious and that you are being ridiculous to mind this but it is quite upsetting honestly, as well as being inappropriate. I think most parents would hate to think of their child believing they were upsetting them for not doing something that the parent isn't even present for.

I'd also be wondering what kind of training or qualifications this person actually has in child behaviour to reach for this.

I would be heartbroken to think of my little two year old at nursery away from me thinking they've made me sad. If he could even understand and link that all together while I'm at a distance, at that age.

These comments are insane OP. Utterly insane. While people race, falling over themselves to try demonstrate how blasé they are about their child, how little they care about the discipline their child is receiving, how okay they are with anything that happens to them when they're at nursery. People just really love the chance to stick the boot in and tear a parent down who dares to have a positive impression of their kid and wants the best for them. I really hope you don't take them to heart. These aren't people who you would take parenting advice from.

Bad behaviour? Sort it out, she's 2 😂 ...2 year olds aren't naughty.. They don't know what's bad until they're told and even then, it's not an instant learning moment

What an obnoxious comment. Just terrible on so many levels.

The people in this thread are ridiculous 😂.. It appears some honestly believe children come into this world knowing how to behave and with that, if they don't conform, they're "bratty".. clueless. Headstrong is appropriate for a 2year old who is in fact, headstrong. Emotional manipulation isn't it. That's not a consequence of her actions and if your kids make you "feel sad" when they do something you don't like then maybe it's you that need to rethink who you're going to be raising

Clearly she needs to pay closer attention in the child development and effective and positive discipline strategy parts of her qualification… as she doesn’t automatically qualify for respect just because of her job title.
She used a bad strategy for disciplining a small child… there are more effective ways to manage child behaviours that don’t require emotional blackmail and saying things that just are not true.

You seem to have come on a bad day, OP.

Fwiw my 6yo didn't "show good listening skills" yesterday when scooting home through our town centre. I didn't bother with any nonsense about "making mummy sad", DC1 was told to pack it in and, when they didn't, had their scooter taken away and had to walk the rest of the way holding my hand.