Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls trip abroad - who was in the wrong?

433 replies

Travellinggirly · 05/02/2024 20:35

This happened last year but I’ve realised it has been bothering me ever since and has made me pull back from this particular group of friends so wanted to get some opinions.

So group of Mums went on a trip abroad. This is a longstanding friendship group but one that don’t really see each other that regularly (some individuals see more of each other than others but as a group it’s more special occasions and occasional weekends away).

Anyway on one of the nights there was a big local festival taking place, culminating in a huge fireworks display (think a smaller London NYE set off a bridge to music). Two of the group bailed out early in the evening as felt the streets were getting too busy. Remaining four stayed out and later started to head down to where fireworks were happening. But then as we got nearer some of this group also started making noises about the crowds and wanting to hang back. Decided to go no further. I personally really wanted to see the display as had heard it was meant to be amazing and the spot we had stopped at wasn’t far away from where we needed to be - they had basically stopped at one end of a street and we needed to be the other end but from where we were we couldn’t see the bridge at all.

So I basically said I wanted to carry on so I could see them - no one else wanted to come with me so agreed I would go and they would stay where they were. But then at some point whilst waiting for the fireworks to start I got a message to say it had started to get too busy where they were so they had also headed back to hotel. So basically I was left out alone in a foreign country about half an hours walk from our hotel (probably almost 1am by time I got back).

I think they knew I was upset the next day but I decided not to make an issue out of it and ruin the rest of the trip. The person I was sharing a room with though I did say briefly say to that I was pissed off they left me alone but she basically said it was my decision to stay out.

AIBU to think you don’t leave one friend out on their own in a foreign country and maybe at least one person could have stayed to make sure I got home ok? Or was I being difficult wanting to stay out when clearly no one else did and I should have just left when they did regardless if I wanted to see the fireworks? In my opinion though it would have been such a shame to miss them (and they were amazing). But now I’m left feeling like these aren’t real friends and I’ve started finding excuses to bail out of some of the get togethers. Thanks in advance for any views on this!

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 05/02/2024 20:43

I think you had 2 choices. Stay out alone. Or go home with them. You chose to stay out alone.
Having travelled alone numerous times before being half an hour away from a hotel on my own really wouldn’t have bothered me at all. Nothing about being in a foreign country alone is scary or even worth thinking about.

WandaWonder · 05/02/2024 20:44

Alone in a foreign country? What do people who travel alone do?

You are an adult I presume you don't need a chaperone

bakebeans · 05/02/2024 20:45

Difficult one. I think your friends had the decency to text you to advise that they were planning to head back to the hotel. At that point you could have messaged to say please wait for me, I am coming back with you but you didn't. You chose to stay out when the rest decided not to.
if it was me I would have made sure u knew how to get back to the hotel and stayed up and checked on you to ensure you knew how to get back ok however on the other hand your friends are not your keeper and maybe thought u had already thought it all through if that makes sense.

Takacupokindnessyet · 05/02/2024 20:45

You wanted to see the fireworks, they didn't. You decided to go on alone. You are being unreasonable.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/02/2024 20:45

Yanbu. They agreed with you they'd stay where they were. Then you got a message to say they were heading back. It depends on the exact wording of the message; 'it's getting really busy and so will wait round the corner for you near x tourist attraction and set off back in 10 - let us know if you're not coming and we'll head off now' is completely fine. Its saying what the group view is, and giving you a chance to join or not. A 'it got really busy so we're on our way back now, see you tomorrow!' So not giving you the chance to go with them unless you were on your phone the entire time and instantly asked them to wait. That would be shit

Windydaysandwetnights · 05/02/2024 20:46

Do adults really fear crowds when they surely knew there would likely be crowds???

Original poster
Travellinggirly · 05/02/2024 20:47

Thank you. It’s been interesting to get some perspective as I’ve been turning this over in my mind for so long.
I agree that out of everyone in the group, they probably see me as the most capable to be left on my own as I’m quite well travelled. I think it was more that our hotel was a bit out of town so it was about half an hour walk on my own after the fireworks at midnight (and I did get a bit lost). I just felt that for me personally in a reversed situation I would NEVER have left any friend out alone abroad, whatever the circumstances.

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 05/02/2024 20:47

You decided to go on knowing everyone else was wanting to turn back. Your choice. I can understand why your friends felt uncomfortable with the crowds in a foreign country. I would have been the same.

You were being difficult, sorry.

TeenLifeMum · 05/02/2024 20:48

Why do you feel you should have been able to outvote the bigger group? I wouldn’t want to leave a friend but none of my friends would need so selfish to put me in that position.

Winnipeggy · 05/02/2024 20:48

I think it's a bit weird that you've been holding on to this all this time. I get that you might have been a bit peeved at the time but i think it'll be healthier for you to let it go. How has your relationship with these friends been since?

Missingmyusername · 05/02/2024 20:48

They should have text to give warning they wanted to go back- give you chance to make a decision to either stay and make your way back alone or head back to them.’

AlohaRose · 05/02/2024 20:48

It was your choice to stay out to see the fireworks, you were on your own in the crowd anyway, and I’m not sure what you thought would have happened to you on the way back to your hotel. Presumably if the crowds were huge, there were loads of people leaving the area afterwards, and if you felt unsafe alone why didn’t you call a taxi or Uber? I’m assuming you were in a tourist city so unless you are visiting somewhere like Columbia or your hotel was in a particularly dodgy area of the city then I think YABU.

Snowdropsarecoming · 05/02/2024 20:49

CaineRaine · 05/02/2024 20:42

I think on a group trip you can’t really unilaterally decide to do something on your own (walk off to see the fireworks) then be annoyed the others in the group don’t want to hang around and wait for you. It would have been nice if they’d told you they were heading back but it was a bit selfish of you to expect them to hang about waiting just for you when they didn’t feel comfortable.

Edited

I agree with this. I think it’s fine to head out on your but then you then can’t complain a out being out on your own.

Allelbowsandtoes · 05/02/2024 20:49

WandaWonder · 05/02/2024 20:44

Alone in a foreign country? What do people who travel alone do?

You are an adult I presume you don't need a chaperone

Exactly what I was thinking. Imagine choosing to go off alone on holiday and then getting upset at being left alone in a foreign country.
If you're that risk averse maybe you should have stuck with the group

Spirallingdownwards · 05/02/2024 20:49

Travellinggirly · 05/02/2024 20:47

Thank you. It’s been interesting to get some perspective as I’ve been turning this over in my mind for so long.
I agree that out of everyone in the group, they probably see me as the most capable to be left on my own as I’m quite well travelled. I think it was more that our hotel was a bit out of town so it was about half an hour walk on my own after the fireworks at midnight (and I did get a bit lost). I just felt that for me personally in a reversed situation I would NEVER have left any friend out alone abroad, whatever the circumstances.

In that case why did you decide to go off on your own?

MKeegs · 05/02/2024 20:49

You wanted to stay and they didn't so you can hardly complain about being left alone!

TheOccupier · 05/02/2024 20:50

YABU not to mention the country, what's all this "think London" nonsense? It makes a bit of a difference whether you were in Paris or Cairo. But either way, you had already made the choice to go off on your own so I can't see what difference it made that the others didn't want to hang around.

Tohaveandtohold · 05/02/2024 20:50

You don’t want to be alone but you felt it was reasonable for one of them to wait alone for you 🤷‍♀️?
I definitely won’t have waited in a place I didn’t feel uncomfortable with because someone else wanted to. However I would have called you and said we were leaving in 5 minutes and if you want to come as well otherwise you’re on your own. I won’t be able to sleep till I’m sure you’re back though but I won’t be waiting outside for you.

logo1236 · 05/02/2024 20:50

YABU, women travel completely alone all over the world these days, it is not a bit deal to be left alone in a foreign country for a bit in what seems to be the town centre, not some remote place either. You need to get a grip. When I travel with friends we regularly split up to do our own thing alone.

Riverlee · 05/02/2024 20:51

I think I would message you to say that we were going back to the hotel, and to give you the option of staying or going.

Crabble · 05/02/2024 20:52

I probably wouldn’t have left you alone but you put everyone in a difficult position by insisting on going to watch fireworks when everyone else wanted to go back. I hate crowds like that and would have been annoyed at you pushing on and expecting me to wait tbh. I think you either were ok alone and they should have just headed back, or you weren’t and should have gone back with the group.

Passingthethyme · 05/02/2024 20:52

It was your choice to stay, so you can't expect someone to stay with you (although personally I wouldn't leave my friend, but context is also important just because it was a foreign country does that really matter?? Get a taxi? You're an adult?)

QuietBear · 05/02/2024 20:53

I think if someone decides to go so off on their own, then that's on them.

They told you they didn't want to see the fireworks. YABU to expect a whole group (or lone friend) to wait in the street until you decide you're ready to leave.

The situation was created by you.

Meowandthen · 05/02/2024 20:53

You wanted them to compromise but you wouldn’t?

Which country was this that it was too scary to be on your own? Foreign parts aren’t automatically dangerous.

You made a choice.

fleurneige · 05/02/2024 20:53

They were wrong to leave you alone- but you were very wrong on a group trip, to insist on doing your own thing when the others didn't want to and didn't feel safe. If you go as a group, the majority decides, simple as that.