Girls trip abroad - who was in the wrong?

[Travellinggirly]

This happened last year but I’ve realised it has been bothering me ever since and has made me pull back from this particular group of friends so wanted to get some opinions.

So group of Mums went on a trip abroad. This is a longstanding friendship group but one that don’t really see each other that regularly (some individuals see more of each other than others but as a group it’s more special occasions and occasional weekends away).

Anyway on one of the nights there was a big local festival taking place, culminating in a huge fireworks display (think a smaller London NYE set off a bridge to music). Two of the group bailed out early in the evening as felt the streets were getting too busy. Remaining four stayed out and later started to head down to where fireworks were happening. But then as we got nearer some of this group also started making noises about the crowds and wanting to hang back. Decided to go no further. I personally really wanted to see the display as had heard it was meant to be amazing and the spot we had stopped at wasn’t far away from where we needed to be - they had basically stopped at one end of a street and we needed to be the other end but from where we were we couldn’t see the bridge at all.

So I basically said I wanted to carry on so I could see them - no one else wanted to come with me so agreed I would go and they would stay where they were. But then at some point whilst waiting for the fireworks to start I got a message to say it had started to get too busy where they were so they had also headed back to hotel. So basically I was left out alone in a foreign country about half an hours walk from our hotel (probably almost 1am by time I got back).

I think they knew I was upset the next day but I decided not to make an issue out of it and ruin the rest of the trip. The person I was sharing a room with though I did say briefly say to that I was pissed off they left me alone but she basically said it was my decision to stay out.

AIBU to think you don’t leave one friend out on their own in a foreign country and maybe at least one person could have stayed to make sure I got home ok? Or was I being difficult wanting to stay out when clearly no one else did and I should have just left when they did regardless if I wanted to see the fireworks? In my opinion though it would have been such a shame to miss them (and they were amazing). But now I’m left feeling like these aren’t real friends and I’ve started finding excuses to bail out of some of the get togethers. Thanks in advance for any views on this!

No way I'd leave a mate to get home alone at 1am no matter where we were.

That said, if the whole rest of the group didn't want to see the fireworks I really think you should have gone back with them.

And OP is one of the friends and she left them!! They were being travel smart about staying away from crowds. We don’t know where she was but there are plenty of risks.

No offense OP but you’re not a savvy traveller.

I would not have left you without giving you the option to come.

They all said they felt unsafe therefore you were unreasonable to expect them to wait, your choice to stay. That being said I have drummed it into my daughter to never leave one of her group alone when they are out and about

I think that as you left them before they left you then you Abu. They probably thought you felt fine on your own as you'd already ventured off on your own.

I’d have done the same if I wanted to stay out and they didn’t. I would not have expected them to stay out for me. What difference does it make that the country was ‘foreign’? That said, I travelled and worked abroad alone - so maybe I’m not the best judge of normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think they should have asked if you wanted to go back with them at that point they decided to leave or stay on your own instead of just deciding to go back without you (as in not giving you the choice to leave with them there and then). I do think that’s thoughtless of them. I don’t think you would have gone to the bridge alone if you knew they were going to leave you.

however I’ve put you are being unreasonable based on the fact that you can’t seem to distinguish between the fact that are you miffed that you were left in a situation you were uncomfortable with and the fact that they were in a situation they were uncomfortable with. You’d have quite happily had them in a situation they weren’t happy with just for your own convenience/pleasure so I kinda think you aren’t reasonable.

You ALL set out to watch the fireworks. Anyone would have expected massive crowds, so what did they expect! Backing out and leaving you alone, not acceptable

They were shit mates IMO. I would have rang you and said I’m going back are you coming cos we will wait so we can walk together. Would never have let a friend walk home alone when we were in a group, regardless of if it was at night or in a foreign country.

Surely being your mates they’d know you well enough to know you wouldn’t like that situation?

OP left 11 comments which I’ve read all of, even if I haven’t read the whole thread. But like other posters, I can’t vote until I know which country/city. It pretty much determines who was in the right. OP could be absolutely ridiculous for expecting her friends to “let their hair down” in a dangerous country, or OP’s friends could be ridiculous about crowds that were perfectly safe, in a country that’s known as safe for women, and that included families. Until she says the country, we’ll never know, and I don’t know how anyone can judge.

What was your expectation? That they all
waited for you because you wanted to carry on even though they all didn’t?

i think it’s ok to be disappointed that no one wanted to see the fireworks as planned and maybe disappointed nobody chose to go with you. but ultimately you left the group to do what you wanted - they did what they wanted.

I might be a little annoyed that I'm essentially be staying out to do something I am no longer enjoying, however, I'd suck it up because no way would I leave a friend on her own at that time and in that kind of setting!

YABU
Did you expect them to wait at the end of a street for you to come back? You could have been over an hour. They said they were uncomfortable with the crowds and you chose to go alone.

I've travelled all over the world solo and went to Sydney new year firework display by myself, i really don't see why you were upset. It's different if you were a drunk teenager and they left you at a club but a crowded street is ok, especially as you choose to go.

I think since covid people are more anxious with crowds and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it in a foreign country. However they shouldn’t have left to walk back alone to the hotel. Regardless if they were frustrated with you that’s not ok

So you'd have been happy to wait about on your own, possibly for hours in a place you felt uncomfortable until your friend had done what they wanted and were ready to be escorted home?

Just checking with all the #teamop posters, so you would see your friends not doing what you want, and dancing to your tune as shit friends?

You were ok on your own (your decision), but expected at least one of your group to wait for you not to be alright on your own and they were supposed to know this and be at your beck and call? I'm shocked you think anyone else is to blame

If I had made a promise to a friend to wait at the end of the road whilst she carried on to watch some fireworks I would have waited.
If I had obviously wanted to go back and you went off anyway I’m not sure.

how big and busy were these crowds?

but I think you’re doing the right thing by dialling down the friendship a bit.

It’s not about that though, the compromise was they would wait at a quieter end of the road and OP would carry on. They totally went back on the agreement and just left her?

Group holiday if everyone goes back you go back. You can't expect everyone to hang around for you. Yabu. However you should have returned to them when they said they going back so not on your own.

GSo they need to do something they don't want to because the op wants to do something different?

It sounds like you had separated from them already and struck out alone. If it was so packed with people surely it would be hard to find each other again in the crush. I would think it was unreasonable to have everyone wait for me in the street outside where they couldn't see anything. But if the walk back was unsafe then yes they were unreasonable.

come on, there's HUGE a difference to being ok on your own in a set location for a short period of time knowing your friends are very nearby if you need anything, with a plan to walk back to the hotel together, than being completely on your own in a strange place, not realising your friends had gone until it was too late to catch up with them, and having to find your own way home in the middle of the night!

If they had all left at the same time as the first friends to go back to the hotel and OP had decided to stay out your point would be fair, but they told her they would stay and wait for her and then left her! Your post implies her friends needed to be psychic to understand what she wanted, but she literally told them - I'm going to walk to the end of the street to see the fireworks, with the understanding they would wait for her. If they didn't want to the time to tell her would have been then

No, but they needed to tell her before she walked off that they weren't going to wait, using their words like grown ups, rather than agreeing they would wait for her and then sneaking off.

I wouldn't have left one friend alone even if I didn't like crowds, so if we're on holiday there'd always be two people. In this situation, I would have asked you to come back, then you could have said leave me it's ok, or wait for me to walk together.