Girls trip abroad - who was in the wrong?

[Travellinggirly]

This happened last year but I’ve realised it has been bothering me ever since and has made me pull back from this particular group of friends so wanted to get some opinions.

So group of Mums went on a trip abroad. This is a longstanding friendship group but one that don’t really see each other that regularly (some individuals see more of each other than others but as a group it’s more special occasions and occasional weekends away).

Anyway on one of the nights there was a big local festival taking place, culminating in a huge fireworks display (think a smaller London NYE set off a bridge to music). Two of the group bailed out early in the evening as felt the streets were getting too busy. Remaining four stayed out and later started to head down to where fireworks were happening. But then as we got nearer some of this group also started making noises about the crowds and wanting to hang back. Decided to go no further. I personally really wanted to see the display as had heard it was meant to be amazing and the spot we had stopped at wasn’t far away from where we needed to be - they had basically stopped at one end of a street and we needed to be the other end but from where we were we couldn’t see the bridge at all.

So I basically said I wanted to carry on so I could see them - no one else wanted to come with me so agreed I would go and they would stay where they were. But then at some point whilst waiting for the fireworks to start I got a message to say it had started to get too busy where they were so they had also headed back to hotel. So basically I was left out alone in a foreign country about half an hours walk from our hotel (probably almost 1am by time I got back).

I think they knew I was upset the next day but I decided not to make an issue out of it and ruin the rest of the trip. The person I was sharing a room with though I did say briefly say to that I was pissed off they left me alone but she basically said it was my decision to stay out.

AIBU to think you don’t leave one friend out on their own in a foreign country and maybe at least one person could have stayed to make sure I got home ok? Or was I being difficult wanting to stay out when clearly no one else did and I should have just left when they did regardless if I wanted to see the fireworks? In my opinion though it would have been such a shame to miss them (and they were amazing). But now I’m left feeling like these aren’t real friends and I’ve started finding excuses to bail out of some of the get togethers. Thanks in advance for any views on this!

They were unreasonable to leave but you were unreasonable to go on your own and expect them to hang around for you.

Just because you're in a foreign country doesn't mean people are lining the streets to attack you on your way home. You're an adult. If you felt so insecure about being on your own then you should have stayed with your friends. You got to enjoy the fireworks, they didn't, that should make you happy. Let it go.

Perhaps you need a new friendship group for holidaying with? Going back to the hotel at 1am or earlier when on a girls holiday is quite boring. I would never leave someone on their own either.

Your decision - your problem

So every friend expressed at different points throughout the night, that the crowds were just too much. You alone decided it wasn’t a problem for you and you wanted to go on ahead, but you expected them to stay for you? It is far from ideal to leave you but I really think you are being entitled to expect them to stay for you when you had more than 1 opportunity to hang back/leave in the first place.

Pull up your big girl pants and relish the experience. I wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity either, but wouldn’t want others to feel obligated and will frequently go off on my own if others are reluctant! Perhaps it is their lack of like-mindedness that is the issue?

Any kind of relationship that causes heartache or this kind of procrastination isn't really worth it. Seriously life is too short. Focus on other things especially your children. Find other interests and groups etc, it sounds like you have no difficulty doing your own thing so would make friends easily. Remember that friendships are only such if they bring happiness and sometimes doing stuff on your own can be enjoyable.
Maybe arrange a meet up with these friends and just mentally stand back to assess the situation or broach the subject and see what they say.. take it from there.
Sometimes people we miss aren't necessarily right for us.
Onwards and upwards

I can see it from both sides tbh.

They should have given you enough time to get back before they left though. But equally you went ahead alone, knowing that gradually your party were becoming more uncomfortable with the situation.

I don’t think you have any right to annoyed with them though, perhaps the second group that went back could have waited to see if you wanted to go back with them
though.

Unless they were stood under cover surely you could've seen the fireworks from pretty much anywhere nearby, you know, by looking up into the sky?

YABU to expect everyone to stay out just for you.

Safety at certain countries is minimal sometimes. My sister and I bailed out at a Spanish festival as it was incredibly packed, think sardines! There were flares and fireworks works being thrown and going off feet from crowds.

Wow. That really takes the biscuit. It's 1am and you can't bully your friends into babysitting? They clearly didn't feel comfortable ... and you expected them to do what for your enjoyment?

If you didn't have good phone reception you might not have received their text saying that they were heading back. Also, if there were that many people it would have been very hard to meet up again. If in those circumstances you decide to separate from the group anyway (and you say that you are well traveled so you know this) then it's on you.

Fireworks. really?

who cares.

They were wrong to leave you. Should have given you the choice to return to them and walk back together ...but I think you should have discussed with them calmly at the time

I would have been keen to get back to the hotel bar away from heaving crowds

you wanted to stand in the street watching fireworks. Most adults have seen plenty of amazing pyrotechnics already so i wouldn’t have wanted to hang around either

I agree with the majority view here.
You can't have it both ways: you can decide to do your own thing (good for you! That would be me too) but don't expect the rest of the group to wait for you when they've decided not to stay.
Otherwise, you're not only deciding what you are doing but also making a decision on behalf of at least one of them! Who btw would also be on their own.

Honestly, I can see both sides. In an ideal world they would have waited for you to return by texting before they left. However it could have taken ages for you to get back/never saw text etc. Having been in a similar place I can see why they left. We were at the back of a event (think a small town festival type thing). The crowd around us went from a maybe 50 people to busloads of people arriving in the space of five minutes. We left as we felt there was a real risk of being crushed as there were more and more people arriving. Thankfully our group were altogether but we struggled to stay together going away from the crowd. We left because we were genuinely afraid of being crushed.

I think you’re both at fault, they didn’t like how busy it was and for some that is a real deal breaker/triggering, you wanted to stay- solution you stay but are alone. Would you have stayed had you known they weren’t a street away? Also if I was them I would have text and said if you don’t want to be alone I’ll wait for you but we are leaving now.

Has OP said where they were yet? I can't see it.

It makes a difference.

I don't see the problem but then I went off alone with a backpack round the world for a year.

They shouldn’t have said that they would wait, and then leave without giving you the option to come back with them.

But they are not responsible for you.
it’s just one of those annoying things, group holidays you’re always going to want to do different things, so go with the majority or do it alone.

I really would try and move on, if they’re good friends it’s not worth falling out about.

You should have gone with the majority, your fault

I think you made a choice about what you were comfortable to do and they made a choice they were comfortable with. I have done plenty of solo traveling and don’t really see what the problem is. You clearly felt safe enough to continue on your own and a savvy traveler always makes sure they have a safe route back to where they are staying. Not always possible but you can make arrangements. Also you are an adult and you can surely find your way back to the hotel without supervision.

So by deciding to stay, you were essentially overriding the group decision? By your logic, if they'd stayed out of obligation to you, they're essentially hanging around somewhere they don't want to be, because you unilaterally decided you wanted to stay. That's a bit selfish on your part.

This is why I never ever go anywhere with a group of randos. Only my family or part of the family.

Not RTFT - but I think YADBU.

Sometimes group plans change. it happens.