To ask an I overreacting or being odd?

[Fiddlesticks35]

My parents(DP’s)…I’m finding them ridiculously intrusive in what they say…I want to put boundaries in place but I don’t really know how to go about it without being rude or getting their backs up

this is why….

example 1 -missed phoncall so I call back

me- sorry I missed your call I was busy.
DP- oh ok…busy with what?
me- eh…insert random job

example 2- DP Call me (I’m in the car on hands free)
me- hi how are you
dp- (realising im in the car) oh hi where are you going?
me- 🙄insert random place ( I feel this is not necessary)

example 3 - several missed phone calls from one or both parents

me - hi, everything ok?
dp- oh yeah just ringing to say (inset the most random trivial thing!)

example 4 - phone or face to face

me - I was out with a friend / at an appointment
dp- which friend? What appointment?

ok my question is why do they always look for further info? Why can they not accept the information they have been given!!!? They wouldn’t do it to anyone else! what difference does it make to them!

and for the record they are not lonely and they have plenty to do, I talk to them but they need to understand that they can’t know every single detail of every single thing I do! I’m mid thirties ffs!!

AIBU to be irritated by this?

God your parents are interested in you and your life OP that's terrible!

You’re being odd. It’s the art of conversation. A back and forth. Context setting. Social creatures etc etc

Totally overreacting

They’re just interested. Would you rather they weren’t? Yes, you are being odd.

So if you rang someone and they said oh sorry I missed your call I was busy, you would feel justified in saying “busy with what?” I wouldn’t ask anyone that!?

Those are very normal questions. They are interested in your life and ask very standard questions. You seem to have put them in the same category as, say, your employer, where those questions would be overstepping.

I would say, oh that’s no problem at all and carry o man with conversation

I agree it's a natural way for conversation to progress.

Could you not start the conversation with "hello"?! No extra info about being busy or on your way somewhere?

Or turn the tables, "hello Mum, what are you up to this morning?"🙂.

But generally I would say they are being normal, unless of course they have a tendency to interfere.

That's called having a conversation! They're responding to what you say. If they didn't ask questions, the convo would go like...

You: "Hi, sorry I missed your call. I was busy."
Them: "That's ok."
...silence...
You: "So...?"
Them: "So?"
You: "You called me."
Them: "Yes. How are you?"
You: "I'm ok."
Them: "That's good."
...silence...

Its nosey imo. They sound like normal questions but they're quite prying.

It'd be interesting to try picking up the phone with, hi mum, sorry I missed you're call... then don't even let her get a word in because you're gushing for 5 mins straight about every tiny irrelevant detail of your day

You are being unreasonable and weird
Do you really have no idea how conversations work?

@Chamomileteaplease they do interfere. If I said hey how are you that would be fine but it would eventually lead back to me and a million questions (that I find semi intrusive) and I’m not evasive all the time, I just don’t need or feel to give every bit of info at that moment? Sometimes I say “oh I was at the doctors” or “oh I was at lunch with Gill” etc

This seems totally normal to me.

That’s a normal conversation and showing an interest in what you’re up to!

The level of detail you give is up to you, ‘oh what are you busy with?’ … ‘oh just house chores nothing interesting…. how are you?’

Unless they then push for info I think that’s perfectly normal.

Why would you not as standard say those perfectly normal things in response? It sounds like you’re being purposefully evasive.

I might not ask 'busy with what'? As depending on how it's asked, it could come across like being expected to justify why you didn't answer. So tone of voice is very important here. It is completely normal to enquire about people's days though so I'd probably say 'no worries, what have you been up to?'

Busy with what? Is not normal! I’m sorry but I don’t ask for further info unless given.
i do know that art of conversation…I ask things like? How was your day? How are you feeling (dad has done health issues) any news? How was your golf/yoga class/ etc
Not…where are you? Why? With who?!!

Maybe I am being over sensitive

I might say ‘oh what are you up to’ and if they replied with little info I’d move on, it’s simply showing an interest in people’s lives.

My parents (mum and step dad) have recently retired and I think they get a bit bored which means they find other peoples lives really interesting, a trip to the supermarket is like an exciting day out for them. Mum calls me twice a week to tell me a load of crap and to listen to me tell her a load of crap, it doesn’t bother me at all,I’m glad she shows interest in my life. She often calls on a Sunday and asks me where I’m going and what I’m doing as it’s my child free day.

Your parents or your partner's?

Why bother asking the question if you're going to disagree with everyone? Pointless posting unless you just wanted everyone to agree with you

@madeinmanc mine.

I don’t think you’re being over sensitive, I just think you’re looking for problems that aren’t there. Those questions might be nosey coming from an acquaintance but these people are your parents and it’s just conversation. Sounds like something my mum would ask me tbh and I don’t find it overbearing or intrusive. She’s just showing an interest in my life.

Have you always struggled with communication?