To ask an I overreacting or being odd?

[Fiddlesticks35]

My parents(DP’s)…I’m finding them ridiculously intrusive in what they say…I want to put boundaries in place but I don’t really know how to go about it without being rude or getting their backs up

this is why….

example 1 -missed phoncall so I call back

me- sorry I missed your call I was busy.
DP- oh ok…busy with what?
me- eh…insert random job

example 2- DP Call me (I’m in the car on hands free)
me- hi how are you
dp- (realising im in the car) oh hi where are you going?
me- 🙄insert random place ( I feel this is not necessary)

example 3 - several missed phone calls from one or both parents

me - hi, everything ok?
dp- oh yeah just ringing to say (inset the most random trivial thing!)

example 4 - phone or face to face

me - I was out with a friend / at an appointment
dp- which friend? What appointment?

ok my question is why do they always look for further info? Why can they not accept the information they have been given!!!? They wouldn’t do it to anyone else! what difference does it make to them!

and for the record they are not lonely and they have plenty to do, I talk to them but they need to understand that they can’t know every single detail of every single thing I do! I’m mid thirties ffs!!

AIBU to be irritated by this?

OP,
I agree with you.
I have had this with my mother for years.
We're not having a conversation. We're having a question and answer session.
The whole point of a conversation is the exchange of information, yet for some people, their idea of a conversation is a constant onslaught of questions.
A typical exchange with my mother goes something like this;

Mother : What have you been up to today?
Me : Work and meeting with a colleague this evening for a drink. What about you?
Mother : Have you eaten?
Me : Not yet, I'll grab something later. Mother : What are you having for dinner?
Me : I'm not sure yet. What about you?
Mother : Where are you going?
Me : Just to colleagues house to discuss work related things.
Mother : Who else will be there?
Me : No one else. What are your plans for this evening?
Mother : Are you going to be drinking?
Me : No, I'm driving. So what have you been up to lately?
Mother : What time will you be home?
Me : I'm not sure, probably not late. So how is your bad leg now?
Mother : Which colleague is this?
Me : My line manager. What are your plans for tomorrow?
Mother : Are you in trouble at work?
Me : No. I've got to go now. Bye.

Every conversation is the same. She doesn't exchange information. She just asks questions and wants answers. That's the only value to the conversation.

She is the same with everyone, hence to say she has very few people to talk to now, and the ones I know who talk to her repeatedly reply with 'I don't know/I'm fine', and now she complains that she's left out and lonely.
I have tried to raise it with her but whilst she sees my point at the time, she immediately reverts back to the questioning.
She also has severe FOMO and maybe that's got something to do with it but her line of questioning repels people, the exact opposite of what she wants.

I think you make a very important point here. It is one sided.

There are only questions from the other party and no information given. So it isn't a normal conversation as so many other posters have stated.

If I say I am going out for lunch, my sister will want to know: where, when, who with, what I'm ordering, if I liked it, what my favourite disk was, how many other people were there, where did I park etc.

But if I ask her what she's been up to or similar it is brushed aside with another question.

It sounds as you would prefer a much colder, more distant relationship with your parents. They sound quite normally interested in trying to make connections with your current life, but you are trying to keep them at a distance. There seems to be a mismatch between the depth of involvement in each other’s lives that you want, with you being secretive and withholding.

You ascribe negative motivations to their questions (“intrusive, nosey”)whereas to me they sound like normal questions to show interest and not just have a bland superficial conversation. They sound as though they want to be close and loving, but you want space. It’s pretty sad for them if they realise but for you to be comfortable it sounds like you will have to say something.

its called a conversation, and being interested.
either there is some other background here (controlling parents? Not excepting boundaries?), your reaction is odd (and reminds me of my friend who was later diagnosed with paranoia)

I agree with you they sound nosy and none of their business what you are doing as you are not a child. Sounds pretty annoying to be honest.

I think I understand from your clarifications why you are not liking the questioning. It sounds like it you feel that gathering so much info on you just provokes worry or getting anxious about you or make you anxious or make you interact more, rather than be a casual sort of conversation that most people are imagining from your first examples. Is it something like that?

I wonder if you have to feed the desire for interaction and conversation without giving away things you don't want to. Could you chat more about general topics or ask their opinions on things or find other ways to interact that aren't needing every detail of your life?

I do feel a bit sorry for them in that conversation can be hard on the phone. People want to keep a connection with loved ones and a conversation that is so very restricted and formal where no questions of a personal nature can be asked and no information about what's going on in people's lives is really exchanged does sound a bit hard going and remote.

On the other hand, you obviously feel each bit of information delivered is maybe used as an excuse to phone again or worry about it. (Your example of phoning again for result of appt or checking you've taken meds). In which case you maybe are justified in holding them a little at bay. But I would think about whether there's other stuff you can talk to them about like interests, politics, programmes you've watched, hobbies whether yours or theirs, or whatever that can engage and create a sense of closeness without giving away too much personal information that you don't want to divulge.

My parents are like this as well OP, mine are really quite nosey, I feel your pain.

However, I know that they are retired and bored, (they don't really go anywhere or do much anymore in their early 70's), and these sorts of conversations help fill up their day.

I draw my own boundaries where I need to, but most of it is harmless chitchat, so I don't get too worked up about it.