To ask an I overreacting or being odd?

[Fiddlesticks35]

My parents(DP’s)…I’m finding them ridiculously intrusive in what they say…I want to put boundaries in place but I don’t really know how to go about it without being rude or getting their backs up

this is why….

example 1 -missed phoncall so I call back

me- sorry I missed your call I was busy.
DP- oh ok…busy with what?
me- eh…insert random job

example 2- DP Call me (I’m in the car on hands free)
me- hi how are you
dp- (realising im in the car) oh hi where are you going?
me- 🙄insert random place ( I feel this is not necessary)

example 3 - several missed phone calls from one or both parents

me - hi, everything ok?
dp- oh yeah just ringing to say (inset the most random trivial thing!)

example 4 - phone or face to face

me - I was out with a friend / at an appointment
dp- which friend? What appointment?

ok my question is why do they always look for further info? Why can they not accept the information they have been given!!!? They wouldn’t do it to anyone else! what difference does it make to them!

and for the record they are not lonely and they have plenty to do, I talk to them but they need to understand that they can’t know every single detail of every single thing I do! I’m mid thirties ffs!!

AIBU to be irritated by this?

OP you seem to not really understand how communication goes back and forth.

Because it might be a date…and I don’t need to impart that information.

But you are not "anyone" to them, you are their child! Im sure there are things you say to them that wouldnt say to a random person in the street.

How strange

Totally normal IME for a parent to ask about specifics of where you’re going or whatever - I see as it taking an interest in your life (even down to the minutiae!) but if you see it as intrusive it’s easy enough to deflect. Give minimal info then keep asking questions to redirect the conversation:

”Where are you going?”
”Just heading into town, what are you guys up to today?”
”What are you going into town for?”
”A few errands, what are you doing?”
”What errands?”
”Nothing much, did you ring about anything in particular? How’s dad’s bad back today?”

Just don’t give detailed answers and ask them questions back - it’s an inoffensive way of maintaining a conversation but retaining your privacy.

You want your parents to talk to you like you are colleagues rather than family. My dad always wants to know what I'm up to, he's interested in my life.

ummm… yes!

unless there is something shady going on like you’re having lunch with your mothers ex husband who had an affair with her sister and killed the dog I don’t really see why you would be so weird about them knowing who you’ve been at lunch with.

you're making yourself sound shifty

They’re your parents, not your boss. It’s normal to ask these things to make conversation.
It would be more normal for you to say (when talking to someone close like parents) “sorry I missed your call, I was busy doing x with x”, just starting the conversation off! But if you don’t offer that, certainly not odd to ask someone close “ah, up to anything exciting?/off anywhere nice?” Etc.

I think the OP is playing us like a fiddle

Ok fair enough, I clearly am unreasonable. I just don’t feel the need to ask others these. Questions do I struggle to see why I’m asked is all

Jesus, a conversation with you sounds like more hard work than it’s worth.

I would kill to have people this interested in my life.

This must be a wind-up

Thinking the same.

@FreebieWallopFridge its really not, i dont just sit in silence i talk, but im allowed to feel the way i feel and i feel like they ask somewhat intrusive questions at times. But obviously im unreasonable in a way. I don’t think just because they are my parents they should know my every move…

They àre perfectly normal questions during a conversation. And if this thread is an indicator of your conversational skills, then they are sadly lacking and you are coming across as quite rude and dismissive to other PP

@NewUser1111 why would this be a wind up?

I think it’s very sad to have the type of relationship with your parents where them asking you what’s going on in your life is classed as intrusive

Very glad my relationship with my parents is not in any way like that

@sweeneytoddsrazor how am I being dismissive?

They're not just anyone, they're your parents. Taking an interest and making conversation. Just another way of saying "ah ok, what're you up to?"

How rude sounds like there just wanting to talk and your not back. Nothing I love better than a chat with anyone in my family and if I'm busy I say so and call back later in the day

I kind of understand I think. Every utterance is interrogated? To be honest my DM forgets to ask me anything most of the time so a balance would be good.

You know what they are like @Fiddlesticks35 so just have a few generic answers ready. They won’t change and are clearly people who like to be involved. You can decide how much you share.

If on the occasion that it’s a date and you don’t want to tell them, then that’s a specific situation where it is okay to be vague or tell a little white lie “oh just someone from work”.
In all other situations it’s fine for them to ask, and actually odd for you to think it’s odd that your own parents are taking an interest in your life.

Seriously? Yes, that is a very normal and socially acceptable response and not at intrusive, controlling, abusive or whatever negative connotation you want to attach to it.

@Ladyj84 i don’t live with them.

The thing is, most people wouldn't mention something they didn't want to talk about. By mentioning it, you're sharing it which then makes people think it is OK to continue on that topic. For example if someone says "I've had the worst day ever," they want you to ask about it. They're not going to say, "I don't want to talk about it." Which is what you're saying here. It is your approach to conversing that is odd.