To ask an I overreacting or being odd?

[Fiddlesticks35]

My parents(DP’s)…I’m finding them ridiculously intrusive in what they say…I want to put boundaries in place but I don’t really know how to go about it without being rude or getting their backs up

this is why….

example 1 -missed phoncall so I call back

me- sorry I missed your call I was busy.
DP- oh ok…busy with what?
me- eh…insert random job

example 2- DP Call me (I’m in the car on hands free)
me- hi how are you
dp- (realising im in the car) oh hi where are you going?
me- 🙄insert random place ( I feel this is not necessary)

example 3 - several missed phone calls from one or both parents

me - hi, everything ok?
dp- oh yeah just ringing to say (inset the most random trivial thing!)

example 4 - phone or face to face

me - I was out with a friend / at an appointment
dp- which friend? What appointment?

ok my question is why do they always look for further info? Why can they not accept the information they have been given!!!? They wouldn’t do it to anyone else! what difference does it make to them!

and for the record they are not lonely and they have plenty to do, I talk to them but they need to understand that they can’t know every single detail of every single thing I do! I’m mid thirties ffs!!

AIBU to be irritated by this?

But some people take ‘nothing’ to mean ‘absolutely nothing’.

If someone asked me I’m what I had done at the weekend and I didn’t want to share (not just parents) I would say something like ‘oh getting caught up at home. Bit of housework. Some admin to sort. Nothing exciting’

My mum is like this and is always 'mining' for information. After an incident where she well overstepped what is normal she now knows I tell her the bare minimum.

That’s weird as fuck. Yes I would expect my mum to ask which friend. Unless I was being evasive and having an affair then I’d be sensitive about it.

They are your parents. They spent the first 20 years of your life looking after you. Now they have no idea what your life looks like and they want to be part of it. Do you have dc?

We used friend's names.
So it goes like
"out with Martha/Mo"
"oh how is she/he? New house good/work ok? Say hi from me. See you when you get home"

Absolutely normal we do "oh you driving, where are you going?" mainly because I hope to hear "cash and carry" so I can join😂 But usually the person answers "How are you" with "good, just driving to x shop".

Imho all yours are just normal conversations

OP the vast majority think you are being a bit weird. You can keep arguing or accept the answer to the question you asked.

Don't start on the defensive, no need to apologise for missing a call!

Keep control of the conversation and redirect it.

'Hi, you called, how's you, what can I do for you?'
'You asked me to call you, what's up, what do you need?'
'Can't witter mindlessly talk right now, see you later.'
'In the middle of something, got to go, talk soon.

Just ignore everything else. Redirect. End the call.

If you model respect for your time and communication preferences, they'll get the hang of it.

I don't know most of my DC friends as they are adults with their own families.

But they talk about them and so I 'know' them that way. And I am interested. So I will ask questions

Feel your pain, I'm a grown woman who deals with those kind of calls at least once daily but usually more, much more 😬
I so want to say "it's none of your business!" Or even just ditch the call but it won't go down well and they will just keep calling until I answer.
I'm sure they didn't get this from their parents, it's as if having a mobile means you have no right to privacy. No solution I'm afraid but you are not overreacting or being odd

YANBU. This is intrusive and irritating if it's their habitual modus operandi.

Someone in my life does these exact same things your parents do and I hate it.

I don't feel obliged to be available to talk whenever they decide I should be, nor to tell them every little detail about my life.

But if I don't answer the phone or answer their questions, then I become the baddie who is being unreasonable. It's not that things are secret or private, they are simply not that person's business, but it turns into an argument if I fail to immediately divulge everything they ask of me.

I haven't worked out how to deal with it either, so am sorry I have no advice, just solidarity with you OP.

You are odd. This is normal conversation

You aren't
They are being intrusive

"Hi DPiL
Calling you back as I was busy earlier "

DPiL " no worries just wondered if you were free for a pub lunch on Sunday"

It isn't normal to get you to justify or explain everything.
These types it's best not to give them too much info
So
"Hi DPiL just returning your call"
DPiL reply

It's only normal conversation if it is a two way dialogue that both people want to be part of.

I have a relative who makes it clear that much of their life is private and out of bounds for conversation. Although this can sometimes feel like a slap in the face (who they had lunch with is hardly a state secret) I respect their right to their privacy and don't ask for details.

I had a friend like that every conversation turned into an interrogation. They just asked question after question, I don't know if they were nervous, socially awkward, or just a busy body, but it felt very intrusive. Friendship didn't last long.

Parents I would give the benefit of the doubt, genuinely interested and concerned if you don't answer calls.

So it seems that most people seem to think these are normal forms of questioning in a conversation but some others can identify where I’m coming from and can see how it’s intrusive and exhausting. I guess I still have the right to share what I want and what I don’t want, it’s the balance I Need to find I ssuppose.

I think everyone on this thread thinks that these are normal questions to ask someone you know well.

If you didn't have completely overbearing parents, you probably would too.

The problem is that you know what these questions lead to, so you're getting stressed the moment you hear the initial innocuous question

Totally agree
You say this feels overbearing and intrusive.
That's how you feel THE END
That's fine, stick to your boundaries.
We all have the right to some degree of privacy or inner life.
They are treating you like a teenager who is out past curfew.
Where have you been,with whom etc

Stop giving an explanation

Sounds like folk having a normal conversation.
Odd.

I don't think it does.
The odd question about an old friend etc but as an adult being questioned in a demanding way as the Op describes is overbearing
" busy with what" sounds snarky .
Context, tone and what the Op feels is happening eg over bearing, demanding and calling all the time suggest its over the top

They are still treating you like a teenager.

Where, who ,why question aren't normal when you're a fully grown up woman.

Ringing you at work is ridiculous, unless it's an emergency.

Honestly OP you have my sympathy.

I don’t think it’s you, it’s them. I would feel exactly the same. I can’t believe how many people are normalising this. I would give vague replies, like ‘oh this and that,’ or ‘nothing interesting’. If you don’t want to share information with them that’s your right not to do so.

Depends how close you are. My parents, friends, other family i would totally ask that to make conversation.
The teacher of my children, builder etc. probably not.

Love posts like this…of course you’re overreacting and of course you’re being odd 😂

How do you ever get to know anyone other than superficially with that sort of response? I'm sure you're not meeting up with anyone that interesting to warrant all the secrecy. These people are your parents, why are you being so overly formal!?

@RachelSTG they may be my parents but that doesn’t mean I want them to know everything going on in my life…my life my business to be fair