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AIBU?

Is this enough to break up over? New boyfriend ignoring me to punish me.

206 replies

wholst · 26/01/2024 19:55

Been with my boyfriend 3 months. Things have been going great, however, he phoned me tonight and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was going out for drinks with a male friend. I've known this friend for 17 years and we have had sex when we were younger which my boyfriend knows. But we are just friends now, there is no attraction there anymore which I've explained to my boyfriend.

Boyfriend is now completely ignoring me despite my reassurance that I'm only interested in him and that I've actually cancelled my planned evening with my friend. He's sitting online and completely blanking me.

This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

I hate being stonewalled but then I think maybe I shouldn't have a male friend who I have slept with. AIBU to think punishing someone with silence is out of line?

OP posts:
WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 26/01/2024 19:57

He is bang out of line.
All the controlling red flags.
Run, don't walk.

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 26/01/2024 19:57

Big red flags. Bin him off. Grown ups use their words when they’re upset, not sulk in silence like a child.

SUPerSaver721 · 26/01/2024 19:57

No just dump him. Hes showing you who he is and thats not a man you want.

HappyHealthy23 · 26/01/2024 19:57

Oh just dump him already, he's awful. Why would you do this to yourself?

Hatty65 · 26/01/2024 19:58

Get rid of him.

Massive red flag - you've been with him 3 months and he thinks he should control you. Dump and block, m'dear! (I am old and wise)

Serenity45 · 26/01/2024 19:58

It's at the very least childish and at worst emotionally abusive. He sounds like a twat OP. It doesn't bode well and it's happened twice in 3 months? Fuck him off

ChanelNo19EDT · 26/01/2024 19:59

Practitioner of The Silent Treatment?
Red flag.

SecondHandFurniture · 26/01/2024 20:00

Oooh no. In the bin. Is he going to do this every time you don't do as he orders?

Thepossibility · 26/01/2024 20:00

I don't think you should stay with an immature twat that blanks you to punish (train) you for doing something he doesn't like, no.

It's ridiculously early days for you be be begging for anything as well. If it's like this early days it's your signal to run. This is not a good potential partner.

DelurkingLawyer · 26/01/2024 20:01

Jesus. Get rid, right now.

Gobimanchurian · 26/01/2024 20:01

This will only escalate. Punishing you if you do or say anything he doesn't agree with.

Please, walk away.

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/01/2024 20:01

With all due respect if a guy I was seeing for three months told me he was going out for drinks with a woman he used to sleep with I'd be a bit concerned!

gamerchick · 26/01/2024 20:01

Why the fuck are you trying to appease someone's moods who you've been with 5 minutes OP?

Send him a text. 'i don't want to see you anymore, don't contact me again' and get yourself out with your mates.

Christ on a bike man.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 26/01/2024 20:03

He sounds awful. He will police your life if you continue with this relationship. Dump and block.

SiobhanSharpe · 26/01/2024 20:04

Completely out of line. This is still a fairly new relationship and such attempts to control you will only grow.
Please heed the warnings.

hellsBells246 · 26/01/2024 20:06

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 26/01/2024 19:57

Big red flags. Bin him off. Grown ups use their words when they’re upset, not sulk in silence like a child.

Yep. And you've only known him three months. He doesn't get to say who you see or what you do.

You've known your friend 17 years! Ring him up and rearrange tonight!

Zoomerang · 26/01/2024 20:07

After 3 months, with no ties, you can break up with him over anything you like.

persisted · 26/01/2024 20:09

Fuck that, he doesn't get to be in charge of you. Tell him to get lost.

PaminaMozart · 26/01/2024 20:09

Get rid.

And don't ever again 'grovel' to anyone, let alone a boyfriend who treats you like crap.

Stonewalling and silent treatment are abusive and signs of coercive control.

Read Women Who Love Too Much.
And consider doing the Freedom Programme.

Poppysmom22 · 26/01/2024 20:10

Nope get rid - you might want to use this quote ‘you’re not the boss of me now’

Guitarbasher · 26/01/2024 20:10

John Gottman a professor who had studied marriage and relationships for 25+ years, has identified 4 behaviors which are so toxic to relationships that they can predict divorce. They are called The Four Horseman (as in the apocalypse).

They are:

  1. Criticism
  2. Contempt
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling


Stonewalling is refusing to engage and talk.

www.gottman.com/blog/category/column/the-four-horsemen/
nandinos · 26/01/2024 20:10
BeardieWeirdie · 26/01/2024 20:10

Bin and block. You should get some therapy for dealing with future relationships if you couldn’t immediately see that him controlling you over your work relationships was absolutely unacceptable.

hellojelly · 26/01/2024 20:11

Jesus wept, you've cancelled plans with a friend you've had for almost 2 decades over a twat you've been with for 12 weeks? Come on OP, you're being a shitty friend and a doormat. Kick this one to the kerb, he's controlling.

NotARealWookiie · 26/01/2024 20:11

I wouldn’t even bother breaking up with him. This is a rare occasion where ghosting is a legitimate response.

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