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AIBU?

Is this enough to break up over? New boyfriend ignoring me to punish me.

206 replies

wholst · 26/01/2024 19:55

Been with my boyfriend 3 months. Things have been going great, however, he phoned me tonight and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was going out for drinks with a male friend. I've known this friend for 17 years and we have had sex when we were younger which my boyfriend knows. But we are just friends now, there is no attraction there anymore which I've explained to my boyfriend.

Boyfriend is now completely ignoring me despite my reassurance that I'm only interested in him and that I've actually cancelled my planned evening with my friend. He's sitting online and completely blanking me.

This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

I hate being stonewalled but then I think maybe I shouldn't have a male friend who I have slept with. AIBU to think punishing someone with silence is out of line?

OP posts:
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DameKatyDenisesClagnuts · 27/01/2024 20:13

Just get rid of him. No good will come of staying, he's not even attempting to behave well three months in

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Ellie56 · 27/01/2024 20:15

@wholst He's a twat so just dump him.

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YoureALizardHarry11 · 27/01/2024 20:15

What a total loser he is, OP. 🚩 🚩 🚩 run!

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LisaD1 · 27/01/2024 20:16

urgghh, 3 months in and already he’s showing you who he is. Be done with this man child.

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lazyarse123 · 27/01/2024 20:17

The only people deserving of punishment are those who do wrong. Not grown women going for a drink with a friend. Bin the twat.

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SecondHandFurniture · 27/01/2024 20:21

Don't even let him ruin your weekend, let alone your year/life!

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Windymcwindyson · 27/01/2024 20:26

You do know he won't stop until there is nobody in your life except him don't you?

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WiddlinDiddlin · 27/01/2024 20:27

Throw away entire man.

Find a better one, this one is absolutely a shithead. He is messing with you, trying to control you, trying to make you feel shit, trying to stop you seeing friends and isolate you.

And it IS working... you've changed plans because of him, you've felt like shit and doubted yourself because of him...

Why does he even KNOW that you had sex a bajillion years ago with someone who is now a long standing good friend? You've known this man 3 months, you've known your friend 17 years fgs... its none of the 'boyfriends' business who did what with who a bajillionty years ago!

This isn't going to improve OP. This is his MO - control, isolate, manipulate, drag down. This is what makes him feel good. Think about that.

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Nicole1111 · 27/01/2024 20:28

This is a blessing. In this period of time abusers will be working hard to show their absolute best self and if this is his best for a few months I’d hate to see his worst.

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BadBarry · 27/01/2024 20:55

You've known your friend for 17 years and this guy for 3 months.
Dump the guy of 3 months.

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Kitkatcatflap · 27/01/2024 21:08

Obviously get rid of him, his behaviour is unacceptable. The fact you can still count relationship in weeks is worrying, I guarantee if you stay around it will only worse. Your 'meh' comment makes me think you will give him more chances which is a shame.

Another thing - it's 12 weeks but you told you him you slept with your male friend (who is still in your life) when you were young. Why would you do that? It's way too early to be sharing those kind of details with someone you barely know - unless you like the drama.

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Milkandnosugarplease · 27/01/2024 21:10

Life is too short to be stuck with man-child

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WhistPie · 27/01/2024 21:23

Message him

"I really can't be doing with this type.of behaviour"

Then block him, dust your hands and move on.

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Cowhen · 27/01/2024 21:47

Nicole1111 · 27/01/2024 20:28

This is a blessing. In this period of time abusers will be working hard to show their absolute best self and if this is his best for a few months I’d hate to see his worst.

This needs to be repeated!

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FloofyKat · 27/01/2024 22:57

Have you told him end of, and blocked him? If you haven’t, you should!

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NobilityScooter · 27/01/2024 23:01

Ask this question on the Relationships board rather than AIBU because the posters on the Relationships board will tell you this is just the start of coercive control and the slippery slope to him isolating you from everyone he takes umbridge at. My DH is secure enough to know that if I'm out with males friends they are just friends who are male. Nothing more.

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PaminaMozart · 27/01/2024 23:14

wholst · 27/01/2024 19:54

Well he has been horrid all day. Really short with me (even though he text me first). He then removed his pic on WhatsApp and so I thought he'd blocked me then when I asked him all hell broke loose. He's very unhappy with me being in touch with my friend etc.

I told him in no uncertain terms that this behaviour isn't acceptable and he has apologised but I now just feel a bit meh. I feel really emotionally done in.

@wholst - please read this book:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/0099474123?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

You will learn a lot about valuing yourself and hopefully acquire the tools you need to ensure that you never fall for such a lowlife again.

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IHateLegDay · 27/01/2024 23:16

You know if you stay that this will be your life from now on? Constant aggro, being ghosted, that knot in your stomach?

Walk away, take a deep breath and be thankful you'll have dodged a f*cking bullet.

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xsquared · 27/01/2024 23:36

wholst · 27/01/2024 19:54

Well he has been horrid all day. Really short with me (even though he text me first). He then removed his pic on WhatsApp and so I thought he'd blocked me then when I asked him all hell broke loose. He's very unhappy with me being in touch with my friend etc.

I told him in no uncertain terms that this behaviour isn't acceptable and he has apologised but I now just feel a bit meh. I feel really emotionally done in.

You're done with him, so make that clear to him and block him.

He's playing mind games with you, and gaslighting you by pretending he's busy when you know he's giving you the cold shoulder.

Life is too short for this shit, but people like him love the drama. Don't give him the power amd satisfaction.

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OvxvO · 27/01/2024 23:39

Dump him. He's awful then really try and learn from this. Don't ever, ever be in a position where you feel you have to grovel to someone who is behaving in such a nasty way.

Stay single a while and go slowly when you next start dating.

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Copperoliverbear · 27/01/2024 23:41

Are you mad, you've been with him three months and your are already arguing and you are begging and grovelling to him, wake up and smell the coffee and block him now, it will get worse, you don't need this.
I'm totally shocked

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/01/2024 00:00

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/01/2024 20:01

With all due respect if a guy I was seeing for three months told me he was going out for drinks with a woman he used to sleep with I'd be a bit concerned!

But you'd raise the concern with a conversation, no? Not ignoring

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YoBeaches · 28/01/2024 07:55

I don't really understand why you're telling a boyfriend of three months who you e slept with 17 years ago. Your allowed male friends but let's face it, you'd feel the same if the shoe was on the other fort.

His response isn't acceptable behaviour and yes I would end it over this so early on.

But you need to check your own behaviour also. Did you tell him because you wanted him to be jealous?

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Stewiegriffenstimemachine · 28/01/2024 07:57

Ugh.

Imagine if you married him and had to put up with this immature shit for the rest of your life.

If you want a relationship, Find someone who can handle their emotions like an adult.

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determinedtomakethiswork · 28/01/2024 08:54

You know that if you stay with him now he will believe he can behave like that again and again?

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