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AIBU?

Is this enough to break up over? New boyfriend ignoring me to punish me.

206 replies

wholst · 26/01/2024 19:55

Been with my boyfriend 3 months. Things have been going great, however, he phoned me tonight and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was going out for drinks with a male friend. I've known this friend for 17 years and we have had sex when we were younger which my boyfriend knows. But we are just friends now, there is no attraction there anymore which I've explained to my boyfriend.

Boyfriend is now completely ignoring me despite my reassurance that I'm only interested in him and that I've actually cancelled my planned evening with my friend. He's sitting online and completely blanking me.

This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

I hate being stonewalled but then I think maybe I shouldn't have a male friend who I have slept with. AIBU to think punishing someone with silence is out of line?

OP posts:
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Member984815 · 27/01/2024 06:53

Yes it is enough , it's only 3 months in and he's already doing this low level abuse .

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KeeeeeepDancing · 27/01/2024 07:20

Give him the silent treatment right back. By stopping contacting him. Ever again. Just ghost him, block him if you have to.
Do not waste one more minute of your life on this controlling man.

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Creatureofhabit87 · 27/01/2024 07:23

He’s clearly insecure. I think seeing a friend you’ve slept with is unfair but seeing as he got jealous last time you worked with a man, there’s clearly issues!

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luckylavender · 27/01/2024 07:32

He's shown himself early. Be glad. Run.

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Nicole1111 · 27/01/2024 07:37

This is his second strike for controlling behaviour in 3 months. He’s also already managed to manipulate you in to questioning if you’re in the wrong. Definitely get rid. It’s only going to get worse.

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Comtesse · 27/01/2024 08:07

If he’s like this after 12 weeks imagine what he could be like after 12 months, or 5 years or 20 years.

He sounds like a wrong’un. Don’t hang around to find out more.

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RoseGoldEagle · 27/01/2024 08:09

Don’t ignore that knot in your stomach OP. That is your body telling you- no, this isn’t right, this person is bad news. You deserve much much better

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CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 27/01/2024 08:24

Helpful rules for early relationships:

  1. Don't date if you're not strong enough to end it


(I got caught in a bad 12 year marriage because of this, so I know!)

  1. If it's under a year and it's not fucking amazing, end it.


https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

  1. Increase the intimacy gradually. Share the lighter things in the first six months, heavier things can wait. Keep your own friends and interests, share your time gradually.

Fuck Yes or No

Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

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Windwaysway · 27/01/2024 08:41

If you don’t live together I wouldn’t even bother with the hassle of breaking up with him….honestly OP he’s a manipulative dick.

Block his number and move on, he’ll soon get the message.

he’s an abusive controller.

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Pussycat22 · 27/01/2024 08:51

RUN!!!!!!

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Cowhen · 27/01/2024 09:51

Dump him, OP. Even if this time wasn't the silent treatment (It absolutely was. He's trying to get out of taking responsibility for his childish actions.), just the incident with the coworker is enough to dump him. He is controlling. Get out while it's easy.

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Gobimanchurian · 27/01/2024 10:30

shockingteaching · 27/01/2024 00:58

I work as a TA in a deprived area of the north east.

Last September a NQT joined my school and I’m her TA. To say that I am shocked at how uneducated she is is an understatement. When she is reading to the class the kids have to help her as there are so many words she can’t pronounce. Her spelling is atrocious, she didn’t know Mexico was a country, she told the class she wasn’t sure if you’d need oxygen at the top of Everest. She didn’t know how many zeros in a million and said she had no idea what apartheid was and had never heard the word. When we are answering questions from texts she accepts anything as she cannot find the answers herself. She is constantly telling the kids wrong information and marking their work wrong. I know I am going to get blamed for this.

I am supposed to be 1-1 with a child but instead she has me walking around marking, which means I cannot help him. If I try to pre-teach she tells him to be quiet.

On top of all this she literally has the world’s biggest ego and told me yesterday she’s doing a great job. Thing is SLT think she’s amazing. She constantly makes comments about my age and made fun all day when I wore glasses. Even the kids said she made fun of me. Yesterday she got the kids to cheer as I left the class. She called one boy “her bestie” and bragged that another had sought relationship advice from her, he’s ten. She also put up pics of her kids and husband on the whiteboard. In the staff room she told us of her and her husband’s discussion on bj’s and that she needed to shave her ar**

Am I right to feel so pissed off?

She sounds awful. I think you're on the wrong thread though chuck.

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shockingteaching · 27/01/2024 10:37

Gobimanchurian · 27/01/2024 10:30

She sounds awful. I think you're on the wrong thread though chuck.

Oops! How do I get that deleted! I’m hopeless

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BusyMum47 · 27/01/2024 10:37

WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 26/01/2024 19:57

He is bang out of line.
All the controlling red flags.
Run, don't walk.

100% this! ⬆️

Ditch him NOW & stop doubting yourself or being hard on yourself. HE'S the asshole here!!

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Cosyblankets · 27/01/2024 11:22

So what did your friend of 17 years say when you cancelled on him to appease your boyfriend of 3 months?

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ChanelNo19EDT · 27/01/2024 11:22

I'd ignore the voice note op.

I'm not excusing his behaviour, I advising reading the signs, not running after him. Don't try to win back the approval of somebody who gives you the cold shoulder.

BUT, next time, Don't tell a man you are only newly dating that you used to sleep with a friend.

If you get to the point where you commit to each other and aman asks, then tell the truth because you're allowed a past, but don't offer up your past so easily!

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JMSA · 27/01/2024 11:26

Run, run, RUN

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2Rebecca · 27/01/2024 11:33

Why did you cancel your evening? You over reacted to his lack of contact. Do you want someone to control you in this way? He can have a sulky fit you can ignore it and pretend he's too busy and think about ditching him

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Bumblebeestiltskin · 27/01/2024 11:36

wholst · 26/01/2024 21:12

He's voice noted me and said he's not annoyed, he's busy and tired but he seems off and I'm not sure if I'm overanalysing now. I feel this knot in my stomach.

A relationship shouldn't make you feel like you've got a knot in your stomach, ESPECIALLY only 3 months in! Get rid, you'll be much happier.

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wholst · 27/01/2024 19:54

Well he has been horrid all day. Really short with me (even though he text me first). He then removed his pic on WhatsApp and so I thought he'd blocked me then when I asked him all hell broke loose. He's very unhappy with me being in touch with my friend etc.

I told him in no uncertain terms that this behaviour isn't acceptable and he has apologised but I now just feel a bit meh. I feel really emotionally done in.

OP posts:
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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/01/2024 19:56

Tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when he gets there, to fuck off some more, @wholst!

You deserve SO much better.

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MidnightSerenader · 27/01/2024 19:58

wholst · 27/01/2024 19:54

Well he has been horrid all day. Really short with me (even though he text me first). He then removed his pic on WhatsApp and so I thought he'd blocked me then when I asked him all hell broke loose. He's very unhappy with me being in touch with my friend etc.

I told him in no uncertain terms that this behaviour isn't acceptable and he has apologised but I now just feel a bit meh. I feel really emotionally done in.

Why are you accepting this?

It’s three months in. It’s not supposed to be like tbis.

What’s so amazing about this sub-standard man that you’re not just dumping him?

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ArnieLinson · 27/01/2024 20:05

Op, honestly you need some therapy. You barely know him and he treats you poorly. Why would you not have just ended it?

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CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 27/01/2024 20:11

Would your life be intolerable without him in it? You seem to think breaking up isn't even an option - are you like me in my twenties: the only way out of a relationship is if the man decides it's over?

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CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 27/01/2024 20:12

A stern talking to will never make a rubbish bf into a decent man!

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