My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Is this enough to break up over? New boyfriend ignoring me to punish me.

206 replies

wholst · 26/01/2024 19:55

Been with my boyfriend 3 months. Things have been going great, however, he phoned me tonight and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was going out for drinks with a male friend. I've known this friend for 17 years and we have had sex when we were younger which my boyfriend knows. But we are just friends now, there is no attraction there anymore which I've explained to my boyfriend.

Boyfriend is now completely ignoring me despite my reassurance that I'm only interested in him and that I've actually cancelled my planned evening with my friend. He's sitting online and completely blanking me.

This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

I hate being stonewalled but then I think maybe I shouldn't have a male friend who I have slept with. AIBU to think punishing someone with silence is out of line?

OP posts:
Report
nocoolnamesleft · 26/01/2024 20:27

Only 3 months in, and he's already controlling you, and emotionally abusing you. Get out now.

Report
SweetFemaleAttitude · 26/01/2024 20:28

You grovelled because he didn't like the fact that you with with a fella the same age as you!!!!!!!

Fucking hell.

If you are questioning if this is a red flag, you really should not be in a relationship.

Work on yourself. You are worth more than this.

Try and work out why you don't realise this man is a twat, because it is staring you in the face.

Report
Couldyounot · 26/01/2024 20:28

Twat. Bin.

Report
PerfectTravelTote · 26/01/2024 20:28

This is not a healthy relationship and it's only going to get worse from here. Get out now while it's relatively easy.

Report
SweetFemaleAttitude · 26/01/2024 20:28

*work with a fella the same age as you

Report
Culabula353 · 26/01/2024 20:29

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/01/2024 20:01

With all due respect if a guy I was seeing for three months told me he was going out for drinks with a woman he used to sleep with I'd be a bit concerned!

What about for having to work alongside a woman like this asshole?

Report
Thighdentitycrisis · 26/01/2024 20:30

How can he ignore you when you are out with a friend? Stop caring what he thinks and do what you want

Report
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 26/01/2024 20:35

Never grovel. It's humiliation, that's why it feels so bad.

To answer your question, you don't need a reason to break up with someone. You can do it for no clear reason at all. If you're just not feeling it. If you're not ecstatically happy all the time! If you're bored.

You don't have to give a reason either. "It's over" is all you need to say.

Although in this instance I agree with the OP who said ghost him. Let him ignore you till he suddenly realises you're ignoring him better!!

Report
MichaelAndEagle · 26/01/2024 20:36

Just message him:
Listen, with the silent treatment now and also the other week this isn't going to work for me. You are too jealous and possessive and that's not the sort of relationship I want to be in.'

Then block him and get on with your life.

As PPs have said, if there is an issue in a relationship it needs to be discussed like adults.
I personally wouldn't have a problem with a boyfriend being friends with an ex. Its all about how that friendship is conducted. And if its a special secret friendship I'm not allowed to be part of, or just like any of his other friendships.

Report
Canonlythinkofthisone · 26/01/2024 20:38

Oh gosh. This petulant and controlling after THREE MONTHS?
Oh sweetheart, throw this one back.

Report
FairFuming · 26/01/2024 20:49

This man is insecure, controlling and manipulative. Call your friend, apologise an meet up with him. Block the walking red flag

Report
wronginalltherightways · 26/01/2024 20:49

Dump him.

He's already showing signs he's emotionally abusive: the silent treatment is abuse.

Find someone who will treat you with the respect and trust you deserve.

Report
tennesseewhiskey1 · 26/01/2024 20:50

Ffs - dump this idiot and reschedule your friend of 17 years!

Report
Tinkerbyebye · 26/01/2024 20:50

Big fat red flags

i would just tell him you want to be with an adult, not a sulking child so he is dumped

Report
Parentofeanda · 26/01/2024 20:58

How are you not seeing/ running from the red flags when your only 3 months in? :S

Report
mumda · 26/01/2024 21:02

If he can make you unhappy for wanting to do normal things then he's not a keeper.

Bin. Carefully. But soon.

Report
ArnieLinson · 26/01/2024 21:08

You dont need a reason to end a relationship.

but this is absolutely one. Bin him. Controlling arsehole.

Report
Londonscallingme · 26/01/2024 21:10

LTB

Report
TeabySea · 26/01/2024 21:11

Put him in the bin and get on with enjoying your life.

Report
wholst · 26/01/2024 21:12

He's voice noted me and said he's not annoyed, he's busy and tired but he seems off and I'm not sure if I'm overanalysing now. I feel this knot in my stomach.

OP posts:
Report
sammylady37 · 26/01/2024 21:12

Dump him, apologise to your friend and treat your friend better in future.

Report
zurala · 26/01/2024 21:13

MichaelAndEagle · 26/01/2024 20:36

Just message him:
Listen, with the silent treatment now and also the other week this isn't going to work for me. You are too jealous and possessive and that's not the sort of relationship I want to be in.'

Then block him and get on with your life.

As PPs have said, if there is an issue in a relationship it needs to be discussed like adults.
I personally wouldn't have a problem with a boyfriend being friends with an ex. Its all about how that friendship is conducted. And if its a special secret friendship I'm not allowed to be part of, or just like any of his other friendships.

Yes, do this.

I can't believe you're even asking if this is ok! I think it might be a good idea to do the Freedom Programme before you date anyone else as you clearly don't know what a decent relationship should look like.

But please just bin this guy tonight.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

AgnesX · 26/01/2024 21:14

Hatty65 · 26/01/2024 19:58

Get rid of him.

Massive red flag - you've been with him 3 months and he thinks he should control you. Dump and block, m'dear! (I am old and wise)

Listen to the wise.

And the old - another vote for giving him his marching orders.

Report
AmayaBuzzbee · 26/01/2024 21:14

That knot in your stomach is your intuition giving you a clear message. Listen to it and act accordingly -this relationship sounds like too much work just after 3 months.

Report
TheBayLady · 26/01/2024 21:15

Run away from that sulky wee boy

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.