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AIBU?

Is this enough to break up over? New boyfriend ignoring me to punish me.

206 replies

wholst · 26/01/2024 19:55

Been with my boyfriend 3 months. Things have been going great, however, he phoned me tonight and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was going out for drinks with a male friend. I've known this friend for 17 years and we have had sex when we were younger which my boyfriend knows. But we are just friends now, there is no attraction there anymore which I've explained to my boyfriend.

Boyfriend is now completely ignoring me despite my reassurance that I'm only interested in him and that I've actually cancelled my planned evening with my friend. He's sitting online and completely blanking me.

This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

I hate being stonewalled but then I think maybe I shouldn't have a male friend who I have slept with. AIBU to think punishing someone with silence is out of line?

OP posts:
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Bythefireside · 26/01/2024 21:15

⛳️⛳️⛳️

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Honeyroar · 26/01/2024 21:17

You’ve had loads of sensible advice- all in agreement. But he’s thrown you a crumb of (fake) explanation and you’re already wondering whether to believe him. You’ve only known this guy a few weeks and he’s totally controlling your thoughts and behaviour. This is not healthy or good!

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everygreensock · 26/01/2024 21:18

So unattractive. Get rid.

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JupyterNotebook · 26/01/2024 21:18

Just want to add my voice to the chorus. Massive red flag. This isn't someone you can ever be happy with.

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mkwar · 26/01/2024 21:18

Sounds just like my ex and to be honest it only gets worse from here, your entitled to have friends regardless if you have slept with them, as long as your friendship is strictly friendly he sounds like a gaslighter in the making he would probably do the same thing and see no wrong in it, you should have gone out he needs to suck it up your a grown woman don't lose friends over someone's insecurities when you've only been together 3 months. He's just craving your attention and by ignoring you he is manipulating you sorry if it sounds harsh but it's true hope it works out xxx

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SharedAccountWithMySister · 26/01/2024 21:19

Trust your gut. 3 months in is the honeymoon phase. It shouldn’t be this hard.

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AuntMarch · 26/01/2024 21:20

This how you want to feel every time you try and do something without him? Because you will. If he got sulky and jealous about a colleague he'll be the same about going out with the girls anywhere there will be men too.
You don't even have to tell him why if that feels difficult. It's been a matter of weeks!

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Windymcwindyson · 26/01/2024 21:20

Trust that gut feeling op


It keeps us safe if you listen to it

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Changingplace · 26/01/2024 21:21

wholst · 26/01/2024 21:12

He's voice noted me and said he's not annoyed, he's busy and tired but he seems off and I'm not sure if I'm overanalysing now. I feel this knot in my stomach.

Get rid, he’s a walking line of red flags, you’ll have a knot in your stomach forever more if you put up with this shit.

Walk away, you barely know him, it won’t get better.

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theduchessofspork · 26/01/2024 21:21

Honeyroar · 26/01/2024 21:17

You’ve had loads of sensible advice- all in agreement. But he’s thrown you a crumb of (fake) explanation and you’re already wondering whether to believe him. You’ve only known this guy a few weeks and he’s totally controlling your thoughts and behaviour. This is not healthy or good!

Yes, despite the fact he’s done it before

This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

This boy is bad news OP.

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Daffodilsandsunshine · 26/01/2024 21:29

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He's already trying to control you and thinks youre lying to him, so instead of talking about it he's sulking. Jealousy is deeply unattractive and he sounds like someone who will throw your past relationships back in your face every time you disagree. Find someone better.

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Randomworkmoan · 26/01/2024 21:34

Begging and grovelling??? Come on op, don't lose your self respect to this man. It's 3 months, you have food in your fridge longer than that. Dump him. He will gaslight you know and say he was busy and it's in your head but you know that's not true

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Hillrunning · 26/01/2024 21:37

Adults don't punish each other

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Lavenderandbrown · 26/01/2024 21:42

Wholst you have touched a MN nerve here can you tell?? You have the massive collected experience of the MN community telling you this is a form of abuse (I concur) and this behavior will only worsen (also concur). Wholst 1. your gut is your second brain listen to it. 2. Tell people you are dating you don’t kiss and tell. Everyone has past you don’t need to fess up to every intimacy. Your “other person”also deserves some privacy. 3. Don’t bag your friends male or female for a new relationship. 4. When people show you who they are believe them the first time. This man is not for you. He’s blatantly setting the stage for isolating you and controlling you. Call your friend apologize try to save the evening and if not possible make a definite future plan. Tell boyfriend ….this doesn’t work for me. These are all MN golden rules. Please listen.

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Cosyblankets · 26/01/2024 21:45

Controlling a$€hole

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VampireWeekday · 26/01/2024 21:48

Three months is too short a time for this shit.

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Lollypop701 · 26/01/2024 21:49

What would you tell your best friend to do in this situation? You know you would tell her to run, or you wouldn’t be posting.

I get being uncomfortable with friends of other genders, especially as you have historically slept with him. But he knew this when he got with you..so meet him,see him f you can deal.l snd be real if you can’t.

silent treatment is the worst… he gets to punish you and you have nowhere to go with your emotions … basically fuck that! Chuck him back in and find an equal

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MeridianB · 26/01/2024 21:49

BeardieWeirdie · 26/01/2024 20:10

Bin and block. You should get some therapy for dealing with future relationships if you couldn’t immediately see that him controlling you over your work relationships was absolutely unacceptable.

This. Exactly this!

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hudpat · 26/01/2024 21:53

Bin.

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TempleOfBloom · 26/01/2024 21:53

wholst · 26/01/2024 21:12

He's voice noted me and said he's not annoyed, he's busy and tired but he seems off and I'm not sure if I'm overanalysing now. I feel this knot in my stomach.

So having successfully sabotaged your night out, undermined your longstanding friendship and showing you what happens when you displease him, he is covering his tracks and pretending he did no such thing.

OP, 3 months in there is no way he should be causing you to feel knotted. It’s not right. It’s not healthy. Please take care of yourself and walk away before he does real damage.

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FancyBiscuitsLevel · 26/01/2024 22:00

OP - your title “is this enough to break up over?” - the answer is yes. At 3 months in, the answer is always yes.

it’s important to understand (assuming you don’t have joint dcs with someone which complicates matters) then you never need to have a “good enough” reason to end a relationship that’s not 100% perfect for you. you just end it if it’s not perfect for you.

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ArchetypalBusyMum · 26/01/2024 22:01

Everything all the pp said.

Stick with this guy and you'll go through a completely predictable process of doubting yourself and feeling like shit everytime there's a minor wrinkle in life, because this crap behaviour to you is how he handles issues as they arise, instead of discussing and resolving, listening and respecting.

If you're lucky you'd get away within a year having wasted all that time and needing to piece yourself back together..

If you're unlucky he'll shatter your self esteem so much, you'll be stuck with him for a long time and barely recognise yourself when you're done.

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Daisybuttercup12345 · 26/01/2024 22:07

Block him and move on.

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coxesorangepippin · 26/01/2024 22:07

I'd have no time for this at all

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PieAndLattes · 26/01/2024 22:12

0 ^
/O\ RUN >>>> ^
| ^^
/\ ^^^

You The hills

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