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AIBU?

Is this enough to break up over? New boyfriend ignoring me to punish me.

206 replies

wholst · 26/01/2024 19:55

Been with my boyfriend 3 months. Things have been going great, however, he phoned me tonight and asked what I was doing. I replied that I was going out for drinks with a male friend. I've known this friend for 17 years and we have had sex when we were younger which my boyfriend knows. But we are just friends now, there is no attraction there anymore which I've explained to my boyfriend.

Boyfriend is now completely ignoring me despite my reassurance that I'm only interested in him and that I've actually cancelled my planned evening with my friend. He's sitting online and completely blanking me.

This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

I hate being stonewalled but then I think maybe I shouldn't have a male friend who I have slept with. AIBU to think punishing someone with silence is out of line?

OP posts:
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TequilaNights · 26/01/2024 20:13

3 months and he is already doing this??

Major red flag, get rid and continue with your plans, this is a fast slippery slope to the bottom

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Whatafustercluck · 26/01/2024 20:13

Run a mile, as fast as you can op. Nothing good will come of this.

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strawberryswizzler · 26/01/2024 20:16

Bin him. Big red flag.

I can see why he’d be uncomfortable - I’d be honestly upset if my partner was meeting up with someone they’d previously slept with, but the other guy is too far.

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MidnightSerenader · 26/01/2024 20:17

Oh God, why are you begging some pathetic man you’ve barely known for any time, to speak to you….?!

That is shocking…!

Please, just dump him and move on.

My own dignity is shrivelling up and dying just reading that.

You deserve better: Flowers

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HalloumiGeller · 26/01/2024 20:18

Nope, this is controlling behaviour and it's only going to get worse! It's been 3 months, end it now before it ruins you!

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HalloumiGeller · 26/01/2024 20:18

hellojelly · 26/01/2024 20:11

Jesus wept, you've cancelled plans with a friend you've had for almost 2 decades over a twat you've been with for 12 weeks? Come on OP, you're being a shitty friend and a doormat. Kick this one to the kerb, he's controlling.

This!

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Ladyglittersparkleseriously · 26/01/2024 20:18

LTB

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Windymcwindyson · 26/01/2024 20:19

Making him an ex bf before tomorrow will be the best decision you can make.

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Zanatdy · 26/01/2024 20:19

close your eye and imagine how bad things will be in 5-10yrs time if he’s this bad at 3 months? Seriously, get rid

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Dotchange · 26/01/2024 20:20

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/01/2024 20:01

With all due respect if a guy I was seeing for three months told me he was going out for drinks with a woman he used to sleep with I'd be a bit concerned!

Which is fine- but grown ups would talk it through rather than use the silent treatment

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BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 26/01/2024 20:20

He does not own you. He sounds massively immature and jealous. Sulking is a sign of really poor ability to communicate. If this is him after three months, I dread to think how he’ll treat you after a year or even ten. Frankly, he’s not fit to enter into a relationship with someone until he sorts himself out and deals with his issues. Having strops and making you grovel while he blanks you is appalling.

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MidnightSerenader · 26/01/2024 20:20

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/01/2024 20:01

With all due respect if a guy I was seeing for three months told me he was going out for drinks with a woman he used to sleep with I'd be a bit concerned!

Right.

And so what with being (presumably) an adult human being, you’d use your words to explain why it made you feel uncomfortable, give the other person a chance to explain their side, and then if you didn’t like that explanation, you’d extricate yourself from the relationship?

I mean….?

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theduchessofspork · 26/01/2024 20:21

He’s manipulative and controlling

It only gets worse

Dump

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GreatGateauxsby · 26/01/2024 20:22

Bin him and don’t give a backward glance.


Good on you for have good boundaries, following your gut and also seeking impartial advice on this.

At your age I was a fucking doormat who went round in circles trying to understand “what I’d done wrong” to “make” whatever arsehole I was dating treat me badly…

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Windymcwindyson · 26/01/2024 20:22

The silent treatment is legally a recognised sign of abuse.. And one worthy of gaining a divorce.
Get rid tonight op.
Or when the day comes your self worth is rock bottom amidst dv you will have no mates left to pick you up.

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Cantalever · 26/01/2024 20:22

NO WAY! Get yourself out of the door OP and enjoy a night out with your old friend,. Bin this nightmare bf and block. Also have yourself some dignity and self-respect. Have no more to do with him.

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Strawberrylacess · 26/01/2024 20:22

OP 3 months should still be the honeymoon period.

The silent treatment is manipulative and has worked now, twice.

So, he will carry this behaviour on - please put an end to it and fuck him off.

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theduchessofspork · 26/01/2024 20:22

OrlandointheWilderness · 26/01/2024 20:01

With all due respect if a guy I was seeing for three months told me he was going out for drinks with a woman he used to sleep with I'd be a bit concerned!

Why? It’s not unusual to be friends with exes is it?

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Fullfatandfortyplus · 26/01/2024 20:23

Bin him. A whole buntings worth of red flags.

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theduchessofspork · 26/01/2024 20:23

MidnightSerenader · 26/01/2024 20:20

Right.

And so what with being (presumably) an adult human being, you’d use your words to explain why it made you feel uncomfortable, give the other person a chance to explain their side, and then if you didn’t like that explanation, you’d extricate yourself from the relationship?

I mean….?

.. and also this

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MidnightSerenader · 26/01/2024 20:24

I love how these threads always start with…

”Things have been going great…”

…and in the next paragraph…

”This happened a few weeks ago also when he got jealous about me working with a guy around our age. He ignored me and I had to practically beg him to speak to me and then grovel for his forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.”

How on earth can this ^^ possibly be described ‘going great’….?!? Confused 🤯

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hellywelly3 · 26/01/2024 20:25

Message him that the relationship is over and get out with your friend.
Honestly you don’t want to be with someone who after only 3 months is like this. It’s not love it’s control

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Tunsmet · 26/01/2024 20:25

You grovelled because you work with a man and he doesn't like that?

Eurgh

So, you're basically not allowed to be in the company of other men to prevent childish strops.

Yeah, after just 3 months I'd be checking straight out of that one.

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Emeraldrings · 26/01/2024 20:26

You can dump him for any reason at all. You've done exactly what he was hoping for by cancelling your evening out, he's already controlling and trying to isolate you and it's only been 3 months.
Send him a message saying you're dumping him because he's an immature asshole then block him.

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thistimelastweek · 26/01/2024 20:26

Obviously the boyfriend's behaviour isn't OK.

But why would you be sharing ancient sexual history with a relatively new partner? Or anyone for that matter?

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