Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

Are you very insecure OP? Going for a walk or a pub lunch isn't a date, it's just your bf looking after your friend while you're off doing your own thing (which is a bit odd while you've got a friend to stay!)

Depends what you think of your friend.
Depends what you think of your boyfriend.

Isn't he just being very pleasant, entertaining YOUR guest
while YOU go for a swim for half a day?

Are you serious OP?

He is offering to help out whilst you gym and swim for a ridiculous 4 hours whilst you have a guest staying

My partner would tell me to cancel or reduce my gym and swim time and sort out my own guest. Tbh he sounds like a very decent partner trying to help you out hosting. You on the other hand sound a bit unhinged describing it as a date. Unless there is some sinister back story you haven't revealed

Posts like this make me wonder why more people don't flounce siting absolute lunacy and leg it over to netmums banging on the door to claim sanctuary.

Honestly, it's lunch and a walk, not a mooch around Ann summers and bag of coke.

Come on @MayNov, don't be worrying about a pub lunch. My DPs best friend and I often lunch and walk because we have similar weird little interests that DP doesn't care for and it's actually nice to chat to someone else, never had a second of inappropriate chat/thought even. It's really not a date my friend, bf was just being pleasant and you know what, if he shows himself to be completely predatory and untrustworthy, he's done you a favour by shitting on his doorstep.

And I hope your back feels better soon x

OK so based on this update I definitely think it's weird for him to book time off work while she visits. You've only been dating him 6 months and he doesn't live with you. Either he's clingy or he fancies her.

How is the relationship generally? My advice is to trust your gut.

She might not even want to hang out with him, she might prefer to go to the gym with you or have some time to herself.

Yeah that did jump out a bit.

Ah ok, sorry to hear about the back problems. Been there, hope it isn’t sciatica and that it feels better soon.

I’d just take her to the gym with you she’ll probably enjoy that way more than hanging out with your boyfriend.

I think I’d rather go off and do my own thing than be looked after by my friend’s boyfriend of a whole 6 months.

Can people stop using words like 'ridiculous' about the gym session and read what the OP's said?

OP, have you actually asked your friend what she wants to do/if she wants to come to the gym with you? If her answer is yes then all you need to say to your boyfriend is 'no need, she's coming to the gym with me.'
If you're trying to say you think your boyfriend has designs on your mate then that's a different issue.

This.
I don’t mean to sound rude or unkind but I find this level of jealousy a bit teenager-like.

Tbh it depends on the man. I can think of men I know who would have to be asked to look after a friend like that and if they were free would have done it. I can think of others who are nice guys who would offer to do it if they were free.

I can't think of any guy who would take time off work to take a friend out on his own unless there was something else going on in his mind.

It's weird for him to take two days off when he doesn't know the friend that well. If I were in your friends situation, I'd want to spend time alone with the person I was visiting, without their boyfriend hanging round all the time.

Read her update.

It's for health, not fun

OFFS

I wish she'd posted the reason at the start!

She's not swanning off it's for her back problem which is flaring up. And the friends is aware of it

Why has your boyfriend taken days of work? Did he suggest it himself?

…hold up…I’ve now RTFT and I didn’t realise he didn’t live with you and didn’t know your friend that well. TBH, I’d be more concerned that your friend would feel uncomfortable spending the day with someone she hardly knows!

Yes this. She's your friend and has come to see you. Why is he joining in? He's met her a couple of times.

Just say, "Boyfriend, she's coming to see me, not you. There's no need for you to take time off work. You can come out for dinner with us one night if you like."

Is she a good friend of his also with him taking time off work? if you are busy it makes sense they go out together.

It's not a date. Rather than her being at a loose end whilst you are occupied with your regular hobby he has offered to accompany her to a public place for food and drink.

Why can't you give up your gym/swim just this once whilst you have a visitor?

You sound jealous and selfish. Not very admirable traits.

Yes.

He's seizing his opportunity to be alone with her.

I find it very odd that he has taken time off work for her visit. That plus them staying up drinking together till 2am when you were asleep gives me the heebie jeebies.
Do you get the feeling of any attraction between them? Or vibes from him towards her?
Totally understandable you need to keep up routine for pain reasons, especially when she comes often.

What did you expect her to do while you were at the gym?

My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

Weird. Methinks your boyfriend has a little crush.