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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

530 replies

MayNov · 23/01/2024 13:08

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

OP posts:
SweetBirdsong · 23/01/2024 13:28

So much is odd about all of this. It's YOUR friend @MayNov who is coming to stay, yet your boyfriend has booked a few days off for her arrival and stay. Then YOU are spending half the day at the gym and going swimming whilst she is here? Confused

SO much not adding up. Sounds like you're not arsed about your friend and your boyfriend fancies her.

MerryMarigold · 23/01/2024 13:29

It's a bit weird all round, isn't it.

A. It's odd your bf is taking time off when your old friend is here.

B. It's odd you're going to gym and swim for 4 hours when your friend is staying.

C. It's odd you think your bf stepping up and taking her out to do something is a 'date'.

Just all over weird.

Now, if you didn't really want bf to take time off but he insisted. If you weren't bothered about going to the gym but he encouraged it. Then yes, it's a date and he fancies her.

Ohdojustfuckoff · 23/01/2024 13:29

Oh come on, that titles blatant click bait! He hasn't said he wants to take her on a date. He's offered to keep her busy, doing something he presumably likes to do, whilst you do what you want to do.
Tbh, I think it's poor form to have a guest who you're leaving for 4 hours to gym and swim.

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2024 13:29

Nowt wrong with nipping to the gym while a friend entertains herself. We're all different, I couldn't tolerate three full days in someone else's company with no breaks and a bit of space is absolutely normal amongst my friends.

Mariposistaaa · 23/01/2024 13:30

You BF sounds nice - I would be put out if I went to see a friend for a few days and she pissed off and left me for several hours.

ElevenSeven · 23/01/2024 13:30

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2024 13:29

Nowt wrong with nipping to the gym while a friend entertains herself. We're all different, I couldn't tolerate three full days in someone else's company with no breaks and a bit of space is absolutely normal amongst my friends.

That’s absolutely fine; just don’t get upset when other people want to meet up while you’re doing this.

Notonthestairs · 23/01/2024 13:30

4 hours isn't nipping to the gym.

Devilshands · 23/01/2024 13:30

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2024 13:29

Nowt wrong with nipping to the gym while a friend entertains herself. We're all different, I couldn't tolerate three full days in someone else's company with no breaks and a bit of space is absolutely normal amongst my friends.

Four hours though!

Unless OP is secretly Michael Phelps or training for Iron Man, she has no need to exercise that much...and even people doing that sort of training take breaks!

HolidayAddict23 · 23/01/2024 13:31

You’re being very unreasonable

SweetBirdsong · 23/01/2024 13:31

Yeah who spends 4 hours at the gym and in the pool swimming? Wink

Original poster
MayNov · 23/01/2024 13:31

Thanks for the all the replies, to answer the main question: I need to swim and exercise for my back problems, I have a flare up at present and it helps with the pain. My gym has a sauna, I have guest pass etc and was planning to ask my friend to join me. My friend comes to visit me quite regularly (she's a childhood friend from my home country) and in the past has been happy to either spend time with me in the gym or go shopping/ sight seeing by herself.

Another question that's come up was if my boyfriend lives with me, no he doesn't, we've only been going out for 6 months.

Another one was, do they know each other well, no they don't. They've stayed up drinking one night at my place when it was really late (2 or 3 am) and I went to bed because I could no longer keep my eyes open. That's probably the only time they could have bonded.

OP posts:
HideTheCroissants · 23/01/2024 13:32

Why do some people have trouble understanding that a male can have social interactions with a female just as innocently as they can have social interactions with a male.
If OP doesn’t trust her boyfriend then she shouldn’t be with him IMO.

goingrouge · 23/01/2024 13:32

I agree with most others.

It's shitty to piss off for 4 hours and leave a guest hanging unless they have other stuff to do.
If they're specifically visiting you then you either invite them along or do something else.

Sounds like your boyfriend is being considerate and is offered to keep her company whilst you go to the gym.

Unless he has a history of getting off with your mates I don't see the issue aside from your initial rudeness.

VoleChomper · 23/01/2024 13:32

Depends on the boyfriend.

You’ll know if he’s approaching this entirely platonically, or if he’s flirty by nature and you don’t quite trust him.

Muchof · 23/01/2024 13:33

Sounds like he has better manners than you. He is probably really embarrassed by your plan.

Thesearmsofmine · 23/01/2024 13:33

I think he feels you are being rude to bigger off for 4 hours and felt he should pick up the slack and entertain your friend.

HappyHamsters · 23/01/2024 13:34

What does your friend want to do, have you asked her, does she feel comfortable around your bf and wants to keep spending time with him.

VoleChomper · 23/01/2024 13:34

Just read your update.

Do you maybe deep down suspect there’s a simmering attraction between them, or on the part of one of them? Them both staying up drinking late into the night after you’d gone to bed might be a sign of something. Or not!

IfYouDontAsk · 23/01/2024 13:36

The fact that your boyfriend has taken time off work to be around when your friend is visiting and is wanting to take her out for a long walk and meal indicates to me that he fancies her like mad.

My response would be different if your boyfriend had also known the friend well for many years.

YoBeaches · 23/01/2024 13:36

Then this is about your relationship insecurity.

If your friend would normally go with you then that's your normal plan surely.

What exactly are you worried about with your boyfriend? Other than he's being a kind person?

Has he cheated on your before?

Has she cheated with a boyfriend of yours before?

Ace56 · 23/01/2024 13:37

MayNov · 23/01/2024 13:31

Thanks for the all the replies, to answer the main question: I need to swim and exercise for my back problems, I have a flare up at present and it helps with the pain. My gym has a sauna, I have guest pass etc and was planning to ask my friend to join me. My friend comes to visit me quite regularly (she's a childhood friend from my home country) and in the past has been happy to either spend time with me in the gym or go shopping/ sight seeing by herself.

Another question that's come up was if my boyfriend lives with me, no he doesn't, we've only been going out for 6 months.

Another one was, do they know each other well, no they don't. They've stayed up drinking one night at my place when it was really late (2 or 3 am) and I went to bed because I could no longer keep my eyes open. That's probably the only time they could have bonded.

Ok in this case, yes I think it’s weird. Why is he taking time off work, that’s even weirder! You’ve been together for 6 months, this isn’t an old friend of his! Did he talk to you about it before or just book the time off and then announce it to you?

randomchap · 23/01/2024 13:38

Why did you describe it as a date?

Missingmybabysomuch · 23/01/2024 13:38

I think you are incredibly rude spending half a day at the gym when your friend is visiting to see you tbh.

Pennyslot26 · 23/01/2024 13:38

With your update, yes if she stays often and knows about the setup with going to gym for your pain and that she is welcome too, it’s weird for him to take time off for the time she’s there… especially since you’ve only been going out 6 months?

Caffeinedetox · 23/01/2024 13:39

"Another one was, do they know each other well, no they don't. They've stayed up drinking one night at my place when it was really late (2 or 3 am) and I went to bed because I could no longer keep my eyes open. That's probably the only time they could have bonded."

Oh.