Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

Your boyfriend sounds decent.

He sounds like a cling-on.

This.

Weird. Have you at least offered to get her a guest pass so she could use the pool/facilities?
I’d be fine with it if my boyfriend wanted to take out a good friend while I was pissing off down the pool for half a day.

Was kind of him to step in and offer to help in your absence you've made it seem like you don't trust him + ungrateful

The whole thing is bloody weird.

The ‘gymming and swimming’ for 4 hours while a guest is staying. The boyfriend taking annual leave to hang out with you both?!? Turning ‘gym’ into a verb.

I am 🤯

He's doing a nice thing

Do you and your boyfriend live together? If so, it makes sense they do something rather than sit around twiddling their thumbs while you're "swimming and gymming". Which, frankly, seems a selfish thing to book in when you're hosting a guest. I'd find that quite rude if I were your friend. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, sounds considerate.

It’s not a date. I don’t see an issue

Of course now you've put ideas in his head. He was just offering to entertain her, now he's wondering if you think she 'likes' him. And that you don't trust him. He will probably feel very awkward if he has to entertain her now.

This doesn’t sound like a date.

This sounds like your boyfriend offering to entertain your guest while you’re gymming and swimming.

I’m also thinking it’s a bit odd to vanish to the gym for 4 hours when your friend’s only visiting for a few days. Why not take her with you, or do something else together?

I think he’s trying to be helpful by making sure your friend has something to do while you swan off to the gym for 4 hours. Do you really need to be going to the gym while your friend visits? That’s the strange part not your boyfriend trying to help.

I guess he realises how rude you are being and wants to step in.

Difficult to say who is being unreasonable without more info.

Is your friend visiting just to see you or planning to do other things while staying with you?

Do you and your boyfriend live together?

I find it a bit weird that your boyfriend has taken time off work to spend time with your friend, and isn't happy to leave the two of you to it... maybe he just likes her and is friendly, maybe he fancies her, maybe he doesn't want to be left out (the first is fine, the second two aren't) but only you know him and can tell which is more likely.

As everyone else has said, YWBU to disappear for 4 hours to gym/swim without her if she is visiting you and has no other plans during that time. Could you get her a guest pass? If not your boyfriend is being kind to offer to keep her company, and YABU to call it a "date", unless you think he fancies her.

YABU! For...all of that

It is a bit strange that he has booked leave because your friend is visiting just because he has met her a few times. A bit clingy.

However, keeping her company while you are doing swim/gym is being nice.

Sorry I'm another one who thinks you'd be massively unreasonable to dump a friend who is coming to visit you for 4 hours so you can go to the gym.

It's not a date he's suggesting, he's just being a decent host to a visitor that would otherwise be at a loose end for a chunk of time

It sounds like you're being a bad host and your boyfriend is stepping up to make up for it.

The unreasonable one is you, not rearranging your gym time to entertain a scheduled visitor.

Why don't you go for a long walk and pub lunch with her instead of swim n gym,

That's not a date - I'd be fine with him doing this

You're being a bit insecure

Doesn't feel like a date to me. Feels like he's being a decent bloke and being kind.

YABU

yeah, thats not a date though is it

It's not exactly a date is it.

You're ditching your friend who has traveled to visit and stay with you, for the gym?

You're not a very good host. Be around for your friend. Or if you have better things to do with your time, cancel the visit.

It’s a bit weird that you’re going to the gym for 4 hrs while your friend visits. Can’t you buy her a guest pass so she can come to the gym too? Or just skip the gym that day? Or do a spa day together instead?

But it’s even weirder that your boyfriend is keen to spend 4 hrs entertaining a woman he hardly knows, one on one. If you asked him to do it and he reluctantly agreed that might be more normal, but I can’t see any reason why he would actively be asking for 1:1 time with her unless he fancies her.

I’d tell him oh don’t worry I’ll skip the gym that day I don’t want to be rude to her. And then I’d ensure that they don’t have opportunities to meet again.

Also - the above is all about you and your boyfriend’s feelings, but if I went to visit a friend and got stuck with her boyfriend 1:1 for hours I would feel so uncomfortable. Especially if he had wandering eyes, which it sounds like yours does.

Would your friend not like to come with you to gym and swim ? I don't think he's implying that he wants to take her on a date op more that he is planning something to amuse them both while your gone off doing your thing. Think your reading too much into it tbh unless there is a backstory there.