Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

[MayNov]

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

I used to go and stay with a friend who worked in hospitality, sometimes she was called in at short notice to cover part of a shift. On two occasions when this happened her DH took me to the cinema.

That was it, it was just to pass the time while she was busy. The only rule was we weren't allowed to see a film she wanted to see!

@JadziaD "Also, I regularly went to movies with my BFF's husband - she hates sci-fi, we both love it. Ditto, DH and the same BFF regularly used to go to a gym class together - I'd rather kill myself."

Yes I too get on well with my best friend's husband. Likewise my DP gets on really well with my best mates. We've all known each other a very long time.

However the point here is the OP has been with her boyfriend for 6 months, her bf has met her friend ONCE and he has taken time off work to spend with her?!?!

This would make an excellent Jackie photo story with some proper angst laden thought bubbles.

"Is he just being kind or does he fancy her. I just don't know"

Why on earth are you going to the gym for four hours when you've got a friend staying?!! So rude and weird.

Wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable at all, why would it make you uncomfortable? They're eating lunch, not booking a night in a hotel room.

My friend's boyfriend made me breakfast in "bed" (I was sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs) while my friend was still asleep when I stayed with them and he got up earlier, it was a nice gesture and none of us thought it was weird.

If you don't like it, ask your friend if she wants to go swimming with you for a normal amount of time, like 1 hour instead of 4, or invite them both along and explain you don't trust either of them for no reason, then they can sit there awkwardly and watch you so you can give in to your paranoia.

I actually think it's really odd that your boyfriend (of only 6 months) would take several days off work because your friend is visiting.

Oh, does it not? Are you a medical professional? Do you know all about the OP's condition?

That’s fine, I used to do things with my close friends partners and vice versa. Mine went to the pub Friday nights a few times with a friend when I had to work nights and the other ways around I have done playmates with the partners (with the kids) and gone for meals etc.

The strange part is your friend is only coming for a short time and you don’t want to be there?

to spend with them both (because presumably the OP is also taking time off to spend with her friend).

The death of the angsty photo story is what’s wrong with the modern world.

Given your updates, I’d be incredibly suspicious.

Either you trust him or you don't. My partner is taking one of my friends out for a long horse ride and stop for beer tomorrow (weather permitting!).

My other half took my best friend to get her car fixed and then out for lunch while they waited! I was working and her husband was away. It wasn’t a date

Not unreasonable. The fact that he barely knows her and took precious leave to spend time with her is a massive red flag that he's keen.

Also I'm taken aback at how many people here think it's rude to leave a houseguest alone for a few hours. I never expect people to entertain me 24/7 whenever i spend a few days at their place.

@moomoomoo27 Ok. If you think that's normal.

If I - or most normal people - were going to spend a few days with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time and she said "oh my bf of 6 months who you've met once is going to book time off work to spend with us" I would find it VERY STRANGE and probably cancel.

I'm trying to imagine ever doing such a thing 6 months into a relationship.

'Oh your friend James who I've met once before is coming to visit you? Let me take three days off work for that'.

No.

Your bf sounds nice for offering to entertain your friend.

You have trust issues.

And you shouldn’t be gyming and swimming while you have a guest. Unless you do it at 6am and are back in the house by 8am. It’s really bad manners.

Actually, for all that I think OP is being weird about her boyfriend suggesting entertaining her friend when she can't, I do overall agree with this comment. It's a bit controlling actually - "oooh, she's your oldest, longest friend but you can't have any time with her without me so I'll take time off work...."

If my BFF turned up here, I'd 100% expect DH to be welcoming and friendly and definitely to be around for some of the time she's here. I'd find it weird if he was planning to spend her entire trip with the two of us.

I'd say you're being unreasonable.

I'd happily entertain a 6 month boyfriend's friend for an afternoon. I'd see it as an opportunity to find out more about a fairly new boyfriend!

Indeed. Although the way this thread is going we will soon be straying to Dear Deidre Photo Casebook territory complete with models curiously going about their day to day business dressed only in lingerie.

Sorry have just read you are doing the gym etc for your health.

Ask friend to come with you and what she would like to do. Your bf isn’t being odd by offering to help you out and be nice to your friend.

I would find that quite intrusive of your bf. Absolutely no need for him to take time off work and odd to plan lunch and a long walk with someone he barely knows.

I’m not sure I’d jump to calling it a date, but tbf the only way I can rationalise his behaviour is if they were wildly attracted to each other on the last visit, so I can see why you’ve called it that.

I have only met my long distance best friends boyfriend once but I would be more than happy to hang out with him if she was busy for four hours. It’s no biggie!

YABVU - first to spend 4 hours at the gym while your friend is visiting, secondly to be weird with your boyfriend who is offering to do you a favour by entertaining her while you indulge yourself.