Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

[Wilterh93]

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

I'd brush it off as a thoughtless comment. We all age unfortunately and I'm sure mine will stick out someday!

sounds like he just wasn’t thinking before he spoke and didn’t consider the impact of what he says. I’m sure his balls are more saggy than when he was a virgin so I’m sure he wouldn’t like the same comment

I should bloody hope "he'd never say that to another woman" - if he did, you'd have bigger worries!!

Yeah, I was going to mention his balls. They drop as much as boobs as men age 😆

It was just a bit of a foot in mouth moment.

I would tell him that his tiny cock couldn't possibly alter a vagina.

I'd have to have extreme body anxiety to get upset about this. He was not making hurtful derogatory comments but speaking in curiosity. He probably doesn't spend much time looking that closely and may not have noticed previously. Honestly this isn't LTB territory.

I would be pretty appalled by this tbh. Especially the bit about comparing you to when you were a virgin. Is he the only sexual partner you have had? He sounds massively immature. A person's labia don't grow based on how much sex they have or haven't had.
I have had wonky labia my whole life and it has not negatively affected my sex life or that of my partner, so it seems a petty and stupid thing to say. If he's doing things right they swell up during sex making it nice and juicy! (tmi maybe but he sounds like he has little understanding of women's anatomy)
What an idiot. I would not want sex from someone like that.

This would hurt me and stay with me a while . It was unkind and even if a light hearted comment will cause you upset ! Idiot man.

No, YANBU. Comments about your genitals, comparing them unfavourably to your younger appearance is targeted and nasty. The 'did I cause that' is fucking creepy. He'll be watching porn and comparing you to that as much as anything. His behaviour is deeply immature and just yuk. It would put me right off.

Doesn’t really matter whether he was being malicious or not. He made a comment about her body that upset her, and his response was that she was too sensitive and needed to grow up. If my husband accidentally said something that upset me, he’d be mortified and apologetic.

He’s a man and as such should have been taught by a father or someone similar to never comment on a woman’s body unless it is positive…and even then to pick his word carefully…BUT honestly, the whole thing could be dragging along the floor and he’d be excited to be allowed near it - it’s a vagina.

He will have been curious and not thought it was a negative comment because how can a vagina ever be wrong? Maybe take this as an opportunity to reframe how you think of your body - men just aren’t critical of our bodies the way we are, so honestly just show it off and enjoy it.

Ask if he needs help tucking his balls into his socks.

And yes also do this

I honestly don't think AIBU is the place for conversations about sensitive issues that have hurt you, @Wilterh93. You'll likely get told how you're overreacting x100. You could report your OP and ask MN to move it to Relationships.

The male equivalent is their balls start to hang lower as they mature.

It was a thoughtless comment. No one likes to be told any part of them is less youthful. Hopefully he has apologised. The reason he has no filter is because he feels he can be safe to say his innermost thoughts around you.

'Your cock used to be lovely and girthy when we got together, it's a shame it gets skinnier and your balls sag as you get older'

Does he watch porn with teenagers with perfectly small and neat vaginas? 🙄

Agree with a pp, I also found the "did I cause that?" to be creepy, disgusting and offensive.

I'd feel pretty upset and embarrassed by a comment comparing my genitalia to when I was a teenager as well, I don't blame you for being upset.

But beyond that, I don't know your husband and what he is usually like.

But yes, taken by itself, it was a horrible and wholly unnecessary thing to say.

This is a very weird remark from him. Labia don’t change as we age, do they? Off to google it!!

Okay, Dr Google says labia might get smaller but not whatever he’s suggesting and not at 30! I suspect he was just looking at you from a different angle. Dick thing to say though.

If he wasn't being malicious then there's no reason to be upset. He probably looks at your 'lady bits' a bit more and a lot more closely than you do!

Will you be annoyed when he mentions you're ageing in other areas?!

Guys, outie labia isn't about ageing, some women have it and some don't. You'd think that would be known on a forum of women.

Nah, I reckon he watches it alone 😁

Labia can enlarge during pregnancy and remain a bit bigger post partum.
They then can shrink during peri meno and meno itself.
They can change color too as we go through life.

men just aren’t critical of our bodies the way we are

That may have been true once, @Devonshiregal. It certainly isn't now for a lot of men. The way some men talk about womeb's bodies is stomach-churning. They may focus on different aspects but the criticism is there.

Er, wouldn't you be? Who wants their husband to be counting their grey hairs or remarking on their saggier bum?