Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

[Wilterh93]

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

No one in real life days vulva unless they’re teaching parts of the body or in a medical role. We know it’s a vulva but it’s just not used in informal language. Why can some mn users not grasp this?

i think the comment was thoughtless was intended as observational. It would make me feel self conscious but that’s because I’m hugely insecure about my appearance.

OP is only 30 though! My labia grew during puberty but certainly didn't change after that due to sexual activity or reaching the great age of 30 ffs.

But it's so incorrect, and also shows lack of even very basic anatomical knowledge -heck, even in school such things are taught.

Would men call their penis a ''testicle?'' no, of course not.

I’ve got the ick on your behalf 🤮

I guess it's actually a misguided demonstration of love and intimacy, feeling so safe and confident in his relationship with you that he can say anything.

Bollocks. Complacency and a nasty strain of immaturity more like it.

I'd also be annoyed. Tell him it's upset you and why, hopefully he can make you feel confident and positive about yourself again.

I wouldn't rely on him for that, @Mnk711.

Sounds like OP had already told him and he's dismissed her.

People talking about calling the vulva a vagina...I'm embarrassed to say I only really knew what a vulva was about a year or 2 ago. I'm in my mid 40s. I'm pretty savvy about sexual stuff I think, but for some reason that word was never in parlance.
They never ever taught the word at school, it was always vagina, and then the bits inside, in fact they barely mentioned the clitoris. And certainly didn't explain it's roughly the size of an aubergine.
Claire Rayner did a popular kids book about sex in the 70s and called the penis correctly a penis, but the vagina/ vulva a 'baby making hole'. 🤔

Bloody hell, mn isn't a biology lesson no need for any snark

@Wilterh93, how do his pecs / belly / bum / hairline now compare with when he was 21?

Drop in a comment gently. If he is offended maybe he will realise his mistake. If he laughs, laugh together.

Part of me would love to have the body I had at that age, but not if it meant having to go through that shit again....... 😂

He's going to get a right land when you get into your 50s and it goes all floppy!!!

I'm in my 30s, had pregnancies/vaginal births and my labia haven't changed. I swear I read that they shrink after the menopause? Not lengthen. Have never heard of that!

Am curious now...

Tell him his balls have shrivelled and they weren’t like that when he was younger … what happened ?

@Josette77 I remember a Celebrity was mocked while filming for her "roast beef sandwich."

🤐😱😬

In my experience, they go all baggy. It's horrid.

I keep reading on here about everything drying out, something else to look fwd to 😒

You can’t really know your labia haven’t changed at all unless you check on them, photo them and then compare photos every 5yrs. They do change but gradually due to age. Pregnancy related changes happen quickly so are more likely to be noticed, but then you are more likely to think reduction in size is going back to exactly what was, when it isn’t.
https://www.livestrong.com/article/13776236-vagina-changes-with-age/

Yep!
Quite shocking that women don't know about our own anatomy.

Oh no 🙈 something to look forward to...

😆

My inner ones don't seem to have changed but the outer package doesn't look as neat anymore I don't think

Every house should own a copy of The Great Wall of Vagina. It's a book of photographs of plaster casts of vulvae. There is no such thing as a "normal" vulva. Each is gloriously unique.

It’s interesting how so many of us don’t know the correct terminology for our own body parts, perhaps bc there are more components than mens’ in that area.

There’s also an argument that the vagina is considered the most important part for the majority of men (and perhaps women), as represented in the media, which is why it’s used to refer to the whole set up.

Anyone see Gillian Anderson’s golden globes dress btw?!

I'm more annoyed at his reaction. Telling you to grow up was out of order, if anything, he's the one who should grow up, after his immature and disrespectful comments to you about your genitalia.

Can someone explain this to me because I really don't want to google pictures 😂

I'm nearly 40 and don't think mine has ever changed appearance?! Should it have done?

Do you mean literally hanging out the bottom?

This. He loves you, he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It was a bit clumsy.

It’s been updated with vagina crossed out now and vulva! instead
https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com/about/the-artist/

I chose a link with the least images, so you can choose where to navigate to.