Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

[Wilterh93]

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

You effing what?

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

"the number of women calling the vulva a vagina is really concerning"

agree 100%. The vagina is the internal tube, the vulva is the name for the parts visible on the outside.

Agree with this - it’s the arrogance. Also drawing your attention to your changing body from when you were younger and virginal. And then feeling annoyed with your reaction and telling YOU to grow up!!

Bodies age but women are conditioned to be sensitive to ageing on a daily basis. Look at how frequently older female celebrities are featured in media being praised for their amazing bodies in bikinis etc as something we should all aspire to. With so many surgeries out there it’s like you need to find an excuse NOT to stay looking younger bc there’s so many examples of other women doing that. It’s making the ageing process (for women at least) seem abnormal. Point out how his genitals have changed OP and tell him to grow up

The vagina is viewed as the most important aspect tho which is why the whole kit and caboodle is labelled as that 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah we know that, it’s called metonymy. The vulva refers to the external parts, the vagina to the internal, and when referring to the entire area it’s normal to just say vagina (or fanny or whatever your preferred term is).

post edited by MNHQ at poster's request

It’s like some people just want to show off they know what a vulva is ☺️👏👏

Really, @PabloPawcasso? Seems much more likely that someone wants to show off their knowledge of the word metonymy.

If there’s a less formal word for it, let me know 🤷🏻

🙄 @PabloPawcasso

This vulva/vagina muddle actually matters. Here's just one example, from a urologist and sexual medicine doctor:

x.com/ashleygwinter/status/1523689290231795713?s=46&t=lVt-WH-GcsPlMCKrCR4ukg

Fuck me this thread is misery-making. I have large, long labia minora. Since I was aged about 11 and definitely a virgin.

I asked here whether I am a bad feminist for wanting labiaplasty - and was told I should love my fanny regardless; all vulvas are different, all bodies are beautiful and anyone who has ever insulted my 'lady parts' (they have) is an ignorant oaf.

Yet here this thread makes it implicitly and explicitly clear in the language used, and the contexts therein, that deep down many/most believe that vulvas like mine are messy, ugly, aging and worthy of criticism 😩

Talk about triggering one's insecurities.

You know when we first got together your balls were up here/ your penis would go this high, now it is here. Did you use it too much?

I’m sorry you feel that way @RedCanna please don’t. The reason ppl are angry with OP’s OH and sympathising with her to such a degree I’d guess is bc he has pointed out a change in her body (the area of which is quite emotionally sensitive for most ppl) and done so derisively. He was implying that it had changed over the years which points to the effects of ageing, but not in a positive way. If OP had been born with this normal anatomical feature (which of course is natural and many, many women have it) and her OH had made a negative comment ppl would be attacking him for being so judgemental and non-accepting and more than likely influenced by pornographic images where these types of vulvas aren’t as commonly featured. It is such a shame that porn seems to dictate preferences and even ‘educate’ men to such an alarming degree.

No vulva is messy, ugly, aging and worthy of criticism. ALL vulvas are incredible, special, beautiful and amazing as they are capable of feats penises will never be able to replicate - prime example -giving birth. Whether women choose to use theirs for this is completely their choice but there may be a subconscious element to the male psyche that hasn’t been talked about much and perhaps should be - jealousy.

There you go we’ve now moved onto VULVA ENVY! 🥳😂👍🏻✨

I realise the vagina is not technically part of the anatomy of the vulva but you know what I mean I hope 🤷🏼‍♀️☺️

Did the OP ever respond on this thread? Or are they too busy reading all these descriptions of vulvas? 🤔

The reason RedCanna is upset is because posters have insulted her labia. They have done that because they wanted to make the OP's DH the villain. They had to make out he was being insulting the OP when he wasn't.
In wanting to bring down a man, posters have upset a woman. Great work.

Have you not tried "OP posts: click all"?

If you had, you'd know that OP hasn't replied. Possibly because, as she explained, she found her partner's behaviour upsetting, and some comments since may have only added to that.

This

Some of these women don't even understand their own anatomy. Please ignore.

This thread is sad and depressing and full of ignorance.

As a bisexual woman I can say I have never seen an ugly vulva. They are all beautiful and sexy.

Please don't let some silly women here make you feel bad.

I have a large labia and it's not messy or gross, it's luscious and sensual.

Don't let any one make you feel bad about your body.

@Josette77 Thank you. I know you're right.

But it was gutting reading all these posts interpreting his comment as an insult.

Massive ick with this comment. What an immature insensitive prick

@JFDIYOLO
Clearly preferring the look of a teen virgin

What now?
My outie labia minora look exactly the same now (after children, late 30s) as it did when I was a teenage virgin.

Clueless. Many posters from this thread need to head over to "Common knowledge things I only just learned about".

I honestly wouldn't expect men with mumsnet accounts to be driven giddy by the sight of a vagina!

He needs to up his game - he's beome complacent

And I certainly hope he gets to the gym 3 times a week, brushes his teeth twice a day, and showers at least once a day. Glass houses and all that