Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

[Wilterh93]

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

I didn’t say it was irrelevant, I said—

ah never mind…

massive ick.

immaturity like that just switches my lady bits into permanently off limits mode

Mine wouldn't even know they're called labia. He'd have called them piss flaps because he's vulgar 🙁

No; you didn’t cause that, your cock doesn’t get as hard as it used to.

Indeed.
It’s possible that OP’s idiot partner never noticed before that she has slightly protruding labia minora, or hadn’t noticed how much they change when she’s aroused. Or he might just be a goady arsehole who finds it funny to make her think her vulva is ageing. Or he likes to think that his mighty penis has remodelled her genitals.

Well it's good that he wasn't being malicious but then why couldn't he just apologise?

He sounds nasty as well as stupid.

"Did I cause that?"😂😂

That was a nasty thing to say, designed to keep you in your place. And he’s supposed to love you? It’s not funny. Only a complete fuckwit thinks it’s ok to not only comment on someone’s body, but to laugh at it.

Having sex literally does not contribute to the permanent size or shape of the labia whatsoever. The only effect it will have is potentially causing some temporary swelling. The size and shape is genetic in the same way a man’s penis size is. It’s possible it changes over time but it’s unlikely to change drastically without a cause, such as major trauma to that area like childbirth or an accident. It’s extremely unlikely to have a complete ‘innie’ labia that changes to a complete ‘outtie’ - that makes me think his comment is a bit backhanded and not based on 100% facts and he’s trying ti make you uncomfortable and self conscious on purpose. I would educate him on the fact that the labia doesn’t change size or shape from sex.

Ever referred to his 'piss tube'. Give it a try.

Op I'd be upset too. It's not a compliment is it? So why say it. And the way he reacted to you expressing your hurt is quite telling of how much he respects you. Sorry he's acted like such a douche, has he been like this before?

Sorry I know older people can have neat ones, I meant more the obsession with neat ones in teen porn etc

I often think foreskin's look like those magic worm things you'd see on those boxy TV's in toy shops on holiday, maybe make your own comparisons? :')

I think it's weird we refer to small inner labia as "neat" as though big labia are messy.

And yes labia change during arousal. They get fuller.

😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

He didn't say he didn't like your 'new' labia. In fact he was boasting that he might be responsible for it. Men and their love of conquering/acquiring new lands. He was enjoying being with you and you flipped.

I suspect you did overreact and if you did, perhaps you do need to be a bit less sensitive. We can't pride ourselves on being strong and then behave like children at the smallest upset or nor upset at all.

You need to work on why you are so self conscious and insecure in private in a very long term relationship. He’s seen it all many a time and whatever he says it is what it is. You shouldn’t be insecure by this stage unless there is something more sinister going on

Yanbu.

I'd find this one quite hurtful. He might not have meant it that way, but the doubling down by telling you to get over it makes you less likely to get over it. He should be sincerely apologising and reinforcing that he finds you attractive.

'Did I cause that?' is gross. Like he feels some kind of pride for altering your body. Obviously he hasn't altered your body, he's being ridiculous.

Yes if nothing else id be grossed out by his lack of knowledge and weird misogynistic beliefs around female anatomy.
No dude, your willy isn't so mighty that it can cause labial growth. Ffs.

Some ignorant, silly remarks and he is quite insensitive.
It's okay to say how it makes you feel.
He should care how you feel.

Nowadays, now all of mine has gone south, it's ME fantasising about my teenage body.

Wait, is this an actual thing that happens??? Is that another thing to look forward to...

Why are you so limp and saggy

This.

I know when I've said or done things that have unintentionally upset my husband, I've always apologised and vice versa.

🤮🤮🤮