Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

[Wilterh93]

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

Yes, every one is unique and some women have larger labia than other women. But our labia do not stay the same our whole lives either. You’d think that would be known on a forum of mothers.

Exactly. It does drop with age, the same as everything else does.

The amount of women calling their vulva a vagina is quite concerning.

Changes color too. The increased size during pregnancy doesn’t always go back to what it was as well.

Oh FFS, if you are 60 and 69 (as we are) it's fucking difficult not to notice that tits are no longer perky, balls droop and both arses are considerably lower to the ground than when we met. Pity our eyesight and wits are still sharp!

Should we be outraged that we can see each other growing older? Should we try to trade the other in for a younger model? Or should we just be happy that we can have that candid conversation, with lots of humour, and carry on loving each other?

Grim, childish comment. Dick.

This sort of comment would give me the ick. 🤮

I don't know how I will feel at 60 or 69, but I think there's a place for tact. Pointing out your intimate partner's changed features, unsolicited and out of context, like the OP's partner did, does not really sound like the picture of love and good humour that you are painting. The examples I gave (greying hair, saggy bum) are not something I would really thank a lover for pointing out... YMMV.

One of my labia definitely hangs lower than it did with age, so it can happen. Gravity and skin elasticity effects every part of the body.

I would be annoyed at his pointing it out too OP.
An ex did, but he isn't my ideal partner.

You’re all a lot nicer than me. It smacks of body shaming and if you were together when you were teenagers I’d also think that he was thinking back to you as a teen girl and fantasising about your teenage body.

Labia really change throughout life and men accept them as they are whereas their owners freak out and get self-conscious and embarrassed by them. I hated mine when when younger and wished they were shorter and neater, now I'm old and no one sees them any more, the bloody things have shrunk to the neat little size I always wished they were.

😂

He sounds very lacking and basic. Ick.

If you don't know anything about women's bodies, you shouldn't be having sex with them.

Your labia minora doesn't change from having sexual partners.

You could have been with 1000 people and it would make no difference.

Utter embarrassing ignorance.

Does it really matter what he thinks? After all, he's just guaranteed he won't be getting anywhere near them any time soon.

Demand five grand from him to have 'flap' reducing surgery in Turkey as your self esteem is now at rock bottom and you are unable to have sex with him until the matter is rectified.

Then have a lovely holiday in Turkey without him and come back and say that the surgeon cancelled your appointment so you boils t have it done.

Tell him to get over your upset and have sex with him again he will have to be nothing but flattering about your body parts.

Tell him his balls used to hang normal but now they touch the back of his knees..demonstrate with a long sock filled with 2 snooker balls.

I don't think it was a terrible comment tbh with you.

I guess it's actually a misguided demonstration of love and intimacy, feeling so safe and confident in his relationship with you that he can say anything. I'd also be annoyed. Tell him it's upset you and why, hopefully he can make you feel confident and positive about yourself again.

This is such a MN bingo comment. Always trotted out on threads like this.

Grown women can call their body parts whatever the hell they like! Technically correct or not!

I'd be having a conversation about how mens balls age and how common erectile disfunction can be

But I'd have been more angry than hurt. Tell him that it upset ypu and see how he reacts

Yes, does no one know the correct basic anatomical names now?

I think this nonsense started in America.

I agree that you should make a similar comment to him so he understands how he has made you feel, immature maybe, but it sounds like he isn’t taking your hurt feelings and possible body anxiety now seriously. Don’t say it in a clearly tit-for-tat way as it will be meaningless and he’ll dismiss you again. This will get some negative comments I’m sure but wait a couple of weeks maybe then when he’s coming in/out the shower ask (in a genuinely puzzled way) if his bollocks have always been that low/saggy etc. Yes it’s immature, pre-meditated and all the rest of it but sometimes ppl need some basic lessons in empathy to understand what they have done wrong so they hopefully avoid repeating such hurtful behaviour going forward. With so much pressure on women to look a certain way in perpetuity thanks to false representation in the media and porn it’s not a surprise stuff like this is such a sensitive area for many.

Do his pecs / belly / bum / willy / hairline look as good as they did when he was 21????

We age. Thank God. Truth be told I wouldn't say no to the body I had at 21, but I'm fucking glad I don't have to live through those years again!

I always had large inner labia once puberty hit..
I still have large labia at 46, they haven't gotten larger or smaller..

I have had a lot of partners and sex. My labia aren't larger because I've had a lot of sex.

There are men who actually think it is, it's a gross theory.

You are not being oversensitive, he was rude.

There is an excellent Instagram as account called the Vulva Gallery. I highly recommend any one who is interested to read women's stories about their relationship with their vulva.

It's very very common for those of us with larger labia to have been shamed for it by partners or eve. thoughtless comments by society.

I remember a Celebrity was mocked while filming for her "roast beef sandwich."

Also of note next to breast implants labia plasty is one of the most common plastic surgeries for women.