To be P***** as this

[xTina89]

I am so sick of DH taking the piss with nights out and other things, He goes out all day drinking every couple of weeks on a Saturday, as well as the numerous other things he has planned through the week!

Yesterday he went out at 9am and got back at 3am, like what on earth could somebody doing for all that time, yes ok when you're in your 20's with no responsibilities, but at 33 with 2 young kids I don't understand. He is rough today as well and he knew I had work, I am so tired of this.

Not sure why your putting up with this op. Have you talked about it with him?

He just says he is allowed a social life. I am not going to lie I dont really go out that much anymore as I am just so tired. Much prefer cooking, wine and film at home. He says if he doesn't go out he would end up lie me as everybody needs time away. I am being honest, I dont think there is anything wrong with my mentality about it.

Point out when you dump him and he has 50% of childcare he won’t be doing this.

Im sorry he needs to grow up. I would be pissed too. I would put my foot down if you can. Try and explain the impact on you.

If he doesnt change, change the locks. I think with this sort of thing a big move early on is best to let him know your serious.

You deserve better x

9am?! So when does he spend quality time with the kids if not the weekend?

Can you go out by yourself and leave him with the kids or is he too dangerously hungover?

What on earth is he doing from 9 am until 3 am? Are all of his friends single? Is he really drinking all that time? I would be wondering about cocaine and also about other women to be honest.

Also, how much is he spending on himself each month and does that leave the family short of money?

He isn't having a social life he is abandoning his family and abusing alcohol.

Honestly I couldn't live like that and would plan to leave.

I have known a few people like this over the years, and they are just immature and selfish. He really needs to grow up and fulfill his responsibilities to his family more.

Yes he is allowed a social life....just not at your expense and not the same one he had before kids.

An 18hr bender is not a social life, that's excessive.

When we had our kids lots of our friends had them around same time. But there were a couple of OH mates who still wanted to spend every weekend doing what they always had done. Their marriages did not last and they are not close to their kids. The rest of OH mates adjusted what they did to include their kids and families - bbqs and big sunday lunches, play centre trips etc. Yes they still had big nights out, maybe even once a week. But it was a night, not a whole day, and hangover or not they did stuff with the kids next day.

Your OH needs to assess his priorities

Tell him you're allowed a social life and leave him with the kids at least twice a week, including occasional Saturdays. Even if all you do is go and chill out at a friend's.

I have wondered if drugs are involved but he just really isnt the type. that is one hell of a shift from 9am-3am

like what on earth could somebody doing for all that time

He's taking the opportunity to live his life as he wants to. How do you want to live your life?

I love being at home with the kids, I would just appreciate more help from him. I am really not into going out anymore, I enjoy meeting friends in the day for a cuppa or meeting at play centres.

I have wondered if drugs are involved but he just really isnt the type. that is one hell of a shift from 9am-3am
Does it matter ? As long as he gets away with it, he'll do it. He has checked out if family life.

You have two choices, outline exactly what you want and need, tell him, he can make steps towards that or you'll be leaving him.

Other option is to just accept this is your life with him.

If I just accept that this is my life is that the best thing for the kids? I am afraid to damage them as they are doing so well and very proud of how well adjusted and happy they are

I love being at home with the kids, I would just appreciate more help from him. I am really not into going out anymore, I enjoy meeting friends in the day for a cuppa or meeting at play centres.

Well you dont go out enough and he goes out too much.
What if you compromised and went out with each other once a week?

If I just accept that this is my life is that the best thing for the kids? I am afraid to damage them as they are doing so well and very proud of how well adjusted and happy they are

Nope..its not best for the kids because you will always undervalued and over worked in your family. If you are unhappy, the kids will know. They will also know their father doesn't care to spend much time with them.

I just read so many things about how divorce affects children and I dont want to be the cause of that.

He's absent from the home for 18 HOURS on a weekend, and you have young kids?

Nah, fuck that. He'd be an ex pretty sharpish for me.

I just read so many things about how divorce affects children and I dont want to be the cause of that.

HE will be the cause if it. If you want to show your children that it's normal to stay in a relationship where you are unhappy and your partner does not meet your needs, go for it.

I separated from my teenage daughter's father when she was 18 months old. She's a well rounded happy young woman now with a good relationship with us both, individually. It doesn't have to have a negative impact 🤷‍♀️

You must at least tell him this is unacceptable, and ask what he plans to do about it.

If he has no plans to do anything, then you will just stay like this and your children will grow up thinkin its normal the woman does everything and the father suits himself.

But letting your kids grow up seeing their dad treat you this badly is harming them more