To be P***** as this

[xTina89]

I am so sick of DH taking the piss with nights out and other things, He goes out all day drinking every couple of weeks on a Saturday, as well as the numerous other things he has planned through the week!

Yesterday he went out at 9am and got back at 3am, like what on earth could somebody doing for all that time, yes ok when you're in your 20's with no responsibilities, but at 33 with 2 young kids I don't understand. He is rough today as well and he knew I had work, I am so tired of this.

I am worried though that in a few years when I am ready I will be too old! im 33

I don't want to patronise you @xTina89 so please don't take it as that, but you're young. People start over when they're 30 or 40 years older than you. More than that, it's definitely better to be alone and in charge of your own life than it is to be in an unhappy relationship and miserable at someone else's beck and call.

Look at this point in your life as less throwing away the relationship you have, which, frankly doesn't sound all that, and more as a fresh start for a brighter future.

You should just split up with him and not worry about a new relationship, if it happens it happens. Given this is what you're thinking about it seems you're just with him because you don't want to be alone? Although given he sounds completely useless, you may as well be without him anyway.

I asked him to leave last night and he went to stay at his mums. I am really not afraid of being along as I am alone most of the time anyway and am absolutely in no hurry to start a new relationship. I had just had enough last night and it might sound really petty but my 6 year old isn't the best at going to sleep at the minute so she was still awake when he got home, I asked him to read her a story and he just fell asleep net to her so it just fell on me anyway.

Good for you. He has proven himself to be a useless father and a sub-par husband. Your kids will thank you for ditching this irresponsible man-child.

I also have not had a glass of wine since Friday, go me! haha

Wow, OP, you've taken charge! Well done. Were you surprised when he just went?

I think you'll find that not having him around will make your life a lot easier. At least you'll know exactly where you are, and you won't have his washing to do or his meals to cook.

I was a bit surprised he didn't fight tbh yes!

And did he say he'd come and see the children, at least?

He said he wants the kids 50% of the time? He wont be able to manage that surely?

If he's never at home then it will be so much easier to dump him as you are managing well without this colossal loser.

I hope he's insured as the best outcome at the moment is him kicking the bucket whilst out guzzling alcohol like a fish for 18 hours or whatever other seedy practices he is up to.

Meanwhile you can start divorce proceedings and look forward to having more time to yourself when he has the kids.

The reality is that you have married an unpleasant and entitled loser who doesn't give a toss about you or the children only his only selfish needs and wants.

I know very very little about custody etc but from what he sounds like it would seem unlikely he will take the kids 50/50

No I am not sure how it works either, I am going to stay in the family home, however, he earns a LOT more than me and I am worried that he will use that against me. I am hoping it doesn't turn nasty and we can come to some sort of agreement.

He said he wants the kids 50% of the time? He wont be able to manage that surely?

He may be saying that as an in the moment thing or he may genuinely want them 50/50.
If he wants to carry on with his recent behaviour thats not going to work to well.

Hopefully you can both stay amicable and decide between you what's best but if you are worried about it seek some legal advice.

@xTina89 I'm in Ireland and again not sure even here what the case is with family homes. But I read constantly in both Irish/ UK groups - stay in the family home. So I think that's the right decision. He will have to pay child maintenance. Again just going from what other women say, the man will usually ask for 50/50 but very rarely seems to actually do it.

Can you see him giving up his sports 3 nights and his weekend drinking sessions, very unlikely. It'd probably be more like 1 night a week he'll (or his mum) have them

Hopefully it does say pleasant even if just on the surface. I would get a solicitors advice. It will be money well spent

I equally know very little about the legality but I'm sure him earning more than you won't give him whole rights to staying in the house over you being there.

If you both own it I don't think you can put your foot down and ask him to leave and not come back, but in the DC best interests it's not going to be good if you both live there and dont/can't get along.

No no no

Do not "come to an agreement" with this awful man.

Use the CMS and get what you're entitled to. If you don't he'll screw you over and you'll end up with very little.

My useless tosser of an ex said he wanted 50/50 but after the first weekend with them he soon changed his lazy tune.

After about nine months he had stopped seeing them altogether.

It's all talk. And he's saying it so that he doesn't have to pay you anything.

Do not fall for it. Get a solicitor. Pronto. I bet he's thought of this scenario already and has made his plans in advance. Seriously - get a solicitor.

Are you on the deeds of the house, OP?

And are you legally married/have a civil partnership?

Can I recommend that you start another thread, now that you've kicked him out, to get the best advice? And definitely get a solicitor.

The trouble with this thread is that quite a lot of people will just read your OP and not the updates, and will comment about that.

You need support and advice on separation and divorce.

Im not particularly worried as I do work and earn quite a good wage for the hours I work. If I didn't work I would be screwed.

All I have done is question things in my head all day, He blames me and my lack of affection etc and believes that is why it has come to this as he felt unloved.

Stop trying to work things out in your head, no matter how much thinking you do his behaviour isn't something that you questioning yourself can change.

You now need to concentrate on the things that you now need to sort out in the here and now.

Yes I know, I am trust trying to make sure I have done the right thing, he said he hated coming home from work because he would have to start working again and he would rather be out with his friends because he doesn't get anything from me. I mentioned it to SIL and she said she would hate to feel not wanted at home and its just making me feel guilty.

Do you think there's any truth in what he is saying?

I don't know you guys from the next person I don't know so it's difficult to say, but if there's any truth in it, and I'm not saying for one minute you should be at the door with his pipe, slippers and a cuppa settling him down while you're cooking a gourmet dinner, but if it is something that could be sorted, and sorted proper not just words he thinks you want to hear, is throwing your relationship away the correct thing to do.

If on the other hand he does this on a regular basis and you feel that you do show him affection and he chucks it back at you and it's just him making excuses then that's not right and he's never going to face it that's he's in the wrong....going on a bender is never the answer and will solve nothing.

I would also hate to be somewhere I didnt feel wanted, However, it has come from somewhere, the lack support from him and his laziness has led me to this?

Even my mum has said if I tell him he will pick the kids up she would rather do it herself because he is always late, he is so unreliable.