To be P***** as this

[xTina89]

I am so sick of DH taking the piss with nights out and other things, He goes out all day drinking every couple of weeks on a Saturday, as well as the numerous other things he has planned through the week!

Yesterday he went out at 9am and got back at 3am, like what on earth could somebody doing for all that time, yes ok when you're in your 20's with no responsibilities, but at 33 with 2 young kids I don't understand. He is rough today as well and he knew I had work, I am so tired of this.

OP he sounds like us, DS is 10 and we are loving life. We do activities with him most weekends, we also have house parties (DS invites 1-2 friends), we holiday and we make time for each other. I wouldn't go back to play centres, staying home and being a mum of a toddler if you paid me a million dollars!!

Stop doing everything, our life was much less stressful when we stopped putting pressure on ourselves if the house as reasonably clean, DS was fed and washed then we chilled.

We've done 18 hour stag/hen parties and New Year's Eve we went to bed around 5am which was early for us.

Maybe suggest that he has a weekend to party from around 3pm, a weekend you both go out and two weekends with the kids a month.

My youngest is 3, sadly I am still in that phase, its tedious and mind-numbing at times haha

Sounds like a man who was so used to getting your full attention and now can’t handle he has to share your attention with your shared children.

@sleepyscientist yes but this OP's partner ISN'T doing activities with his kids at weekends or facilitating kids sleepovers. He's out seeing to himself nearly every night of the week, and for the entire weekend every fortnight. How is OP supposed to chill and stop doing everything when she's being abandoned to be the sole carer to two children?

I expect he loves his kids, but he wants the life he had before they existed.

Poor man, life is hard.

You wouldn't be the cause, he would.

Your posts are worrying, OP. Currently you are adopting the role of 'doormat' and I don't think it suits you. I think it's very unfair of the man wiping his feet on you.

I also suspect he's lying his head off. Not sure what about, but something.

He is an abject failure as a father and husband.

He thinks only of himself.

He does whatever he wants.

You and the kids are not his priority. At all.

I'm with your mum, leave this selfish washout of a man. He’s a dud.

I'm confused. But she is the mum of a toddler. She can't just bin her baby and pretend that isn't the case.

He's going out with the lads several nights a week and binge drinking all day and night on Saturdays. But the OP should change?

So these children should only spend quality time with their parents 2 out of 4 weekends? Just so the parents can go out and get drunk to keep this man happy?

Well he's going about this all wrong isn't he. He wants all those things but he's going on 18 hour benders instead of putting the effort into his family and partner.

What an arse.

Exactly

Of course he's not

I think that your doing a good job with raising 2 young kid's that are happy. Your husband is acting like a single man with no responsibilities. You work PT and he works long hours.

I know couples with young kids and it not always easy. It important for you to have a break and spend time with your friends without your kid's. You need to relax and have something to look forward to as well. It keeps your friendships going so you're friends are around when you're kids are a bit older. When you have small kids it's important to look after yourself as well. You need to keep your own physical and mental health in order to bring up kids.

I think at this stage I tell him when he is not hungover that you have decided to go away for a weekend with your friends. Tell him he will be staying at home to mind his kid's.
If he objects tell him it might have escaped his attention but he is a married man with 2 young kid's. He spends no time as a couple with you. He works long hours and goes on 18 hour drinking benders on a Saturday and is hungover every Sunday. He is then in bad form with you and the kids.
Meanwhile your either working or minding his kid's and you never get a break. Tell him at the moment he is not been fair on you or his kids and your no longer putting up with this.

He might not like hearing this but if he gets smart ask him would you like me to ring your mother the next time you go out drinking and let her know what your like?

He is not being fair on you or his kids. I can understand why you have started to have the odd glass of wine at home but I would stop doing this. You might need to drive your child to hospital some night if something goes wrong or have to drive them the next morning to school, football ect and you could be over the limit.
Also alcohol will just make you more depressed.

If your husband is not willing to take on broad what you say and does not start to make changes I would not be staying with him. You just going to end up resenting him and your children. Your kids and you deserve to be in a happy household. As they get older they will notice things are not good between you and him and the tension that is in the house.
Both you and your kids deserve better than this man child.

I guess it depends on what you actually want him to do instead of going out.

Are you expecting him to just sit indoors with you or do you want to do things as a family like go out for the day?

I kind of understand your husband as family life is boring as hell and I much prefer being at work so I have to really make a conscious effort to be "present" at home, but if we're just sitting indoors I find it boring as fuck.

I'd go out if I were you and leave him with the children and take equal time to do things you enjoy.

I kind of understand your husband as family life is boring as hell and I much prefer being at work so I have to really make a conscious effort to be "present" at home, but if we're just sitting indoors I find it boring as fuck

Wow.

The OP does not have the option to check out of parenting.

So you'd rather your children grow up understanding that mum does everything while dad goes off getting shitfaced and being entirely absent ?

So, he'll be good as long as you don't let him get bored? You need to keep him entertained?

Like a puppy, then?

How many people, including your own mother! do you need to tell you that this isn't a marriage and he's a pig?

She doesn't need to give him an excuse not to pay CM so she needs to get primary care from the get-go. And it shouldn't be hard as he's never at home. Otherwise it will be 50/50 and then he'll dump the kids on his mother (or a girlfriend) and carry on as he is

He's checked out. Dump the selfish bastard

Just catching up with all the new posts, Can I just ask if anybody has regretted separating once they did it?

No, best thing I ever did. He followed me about for quite a while, it would be called stalking now, I think, but eventually I managed to shake him off and I have no regrets whatsoever. After just a short time on my own I realised there was no way I was ever getting back with him.

Years later I met someone else, and waited at least five years before we ever talked about a future together. Happily married now 15+ years.

How old was you if you dont mind me asking, obviously I am miles away from starting a new relationship it is the last thing I want, I am worried though that in a few years when I am ready I will be too old! im 33

25 when I left him, 33 when I met 2nd husband. You have plenty of time - but don't be in a rush! Enjoy being on your own and independent, the DC will keep you plenty occupied, if it's right, it's right at whatever age.

Well, I didn't regret it.

He said he wanted to have the kids every weekend, but he son got fed up of that, and ended up not seeing them at all.

I got divorced at age 29 and married again at age 34.