To be P***** as this

[xTina89]

I am so sick of DH taking the piss with nights out and other things, He goes out all day drinking every couple of weeks on a Saturday, as well as the numerous other things he has planned through the week!

Yesterday he went out at 9am and got back at 3am, like what on earth could somebody doing for all that time, yes ok when you're in your 20's with no responsibilities, but at 33 with 2 young kids I don't understand. He is rough today as well and he knew I had work, I am so tired of this.

He says if he doesn't go out he would end up lie me

Which is clearly a criticism of you. He's seeing being like you as being negative.
So he's saying he doesn't want to spend time with you. Nice. But then it sounds like you don't much like him, or his company, either.

Obviously the short answer is that you are mostly like you are because you're also carrying his share of the load.

It's very easy for people here to say you should split, which, would absolutely not be your 'fault' but it's telling that your mother also thinks this. Money might be tight, but it sounds like you enjoy fairly simple pleasures socialising with other mums and children and actually raising your own children. You'd be able to focus on that, without the negativity in your life.

Please quote whoever you're replying to!

Agreed.

Waste of space. Thinks he is still 25! I’d not tolerate this more than once. I bet he is a man child and you’d be happier without him op. Agree there’s probably drugs and that the money he is spending is stupid and unfair on you & his kids. X

9am until 3am...???

Does he take a change of clothes with him??

Your marriage is over, don't stay together just for the DC, it doesn't work.

The DC will be far happier with a happy mum and a dad that actually does see them ( hope fully ).

We keep talking about things we can change and he said he has done all he can and he is out of ideas as everything he does isn't good enough. I have suggested we go out once a week and my mum and dad will have the kids, I love a pub quiz and think that will be less intense than just sitting there.

Why are you settling for this op?

You've basically got a deadbeat dad who still lives with the kids. I've seen it so many times. What happens if one of your DC starts playing football? Training on a Saturday and a match on a Sunday. Is he giving up his social life for that?
NRTFT but I trust he's a high earner. Going out is eye-wateringly expensive now. I can only imagine how much his social life costs.

Bollocks he's done all he can do about changing.

My daughter used to go swimming on a Sunday but she ended up missing most of them so I have cancelled it. I have set my son up on a toddler football session on a Sunday so going to see how that goes. My daughter can swim now so its not too bad I suppose.

He says he just wants to feel loved and for me to show him affection. I cant just do that instantly so we are just going to keep going around in circles.

When do you or he think he would find the time for him to feel loved and have some affection from you ?
On the only weekday evening he is actually at home ? Or on a Sunday evening he is home - after you have been at work all day ?

Why did your daughter miss her swimming lessons on a Sunday ? Couldn't he be bothered ? or was he too drunk/hung over ? Or too drunk to be allowed to drive ?

He wants his cake and to eat it...
Mine started with basic swimming lessons then carried on building up strength and speed. They had classes, then swimming clubs into their teens. It's a great hobby. DD danced several nights a week and both DSs played for football teams. They also took coding classes.
If I felt DH's social life impacted their classes I'd be angry. I believe when you choose to become a parent (boring or not), you put DC first.

He sounds like a pretty useless parent.

Did you know this is how he spends his time before you started a family with him, or is this brand new behaviour?

He says if he doesn't go out he would end up lie me as everybody needs time away.

He says he just wants to feel loved and for me to show him affection.

These two things don't fit together. He wants love and affection from the wife who he is leaving for 18 hours to go on a drinking bender at the weekend, because "everybody needs time away"....? 🤔

If he wants his "time away" to this extent (18 hours isn't just a couple hours of down time is it - it's a significant amount of time), then he can't also expect love and affection on tap from the wife he's left to do everything at home whilst he's away.

Sounds a bit cake and eat it to me.

Since we had children, things went massively downhill, He used to be so kind and caring and we did a lot together. It was honestly like a switch he just changed.

He needs to show you affection before you can give it back.

What's stopping you from getting divorced? Do you still love him?

You truly are wasting your life with this man.

He isn't a partner but more a third child. A teenager who is obsessed with going out and getting drunk.

You're totally being taken for granted and also missing out on the chance to find a true life partner every day you stay.

Did he want children?

You grew up and he didn't - same old story with so many!

He said why is it always him that wants to change, So I asked him what he wanted from me and this was his answer:

I want to make someone smile, I want them to make me smile, I want to have fun. I want to want to kiss each other all day everyday. I want to share the same goals and aspiations. I want to enjoy the same thing. I want to be supported, I want to support them. I want the past to be the past. I want to look forward to seeing them. He said he could go on but I get the gist.

I want to make someone smile, I want them to make me smile, I want to have fun. I want to want to kiss each other all day everyday. I want to share the same goals and aspiations. I want to enjoy the same thing. I want to be supported, I want to support them. I want the past to be the past. I want to look forward to seeing them. He said he could go on but I get the gist

How is that meant to happen if he's out for 18 hours a day pissed and then so hungover the next day he cant get out of bed? That's hardly mutual support is it?- you get the gist!

I want the past to be the past

OP he only says that because he doesn't want to discuss his previous poor behaviour.

How does he have time. At that age at the weekend was swimming lessons, mini rugby or football, soft play Sunday mornings