To be P***** as this

[xTina89]

I am so sick of DH taking the piss with nights out and other things, He goes out all day drinking every couple of weeks on a Saturday, as well as the numerous other things he has planned through the week!

Yesterday he went out at 9am and got back at 3am, like what on earth could somebody doing for all that time, yes ok when you're in your 20's with no responsibilities, but at 33 with 2 young kids I don't understand. He is rough today as well and he knew I had work, I am so tired of this.

My mum is constantly telling me to leave so I am guessing there is your answer.

The thing is, I only earn £1600 per month, I am guessing he wouldnt do 50/50 care with the hours he works so he would have to contribute, mortgage and bills are around 1000pm, do you thinkI will manage?

No. Childcare is also work.

He hasn't realised this because he's never parented his children.

Can you go away for a weekend on your own, so that he figures this out?

The only way to drive this point home is to do the same yourself, I found that to be a highly effective communication technique. Otherwise it seems that one wants to nix their partners fun. Sounds like you should very urgently schedule a girls weekend away… Nothing like a whole weekend with two kids to remind you of the absolute burden (ballache) of responsibility that parenting entails.

Am I right that you’re saying he does this every second weekend for the Saturday only? The other two weekends he’s home with you, also on all Sundays? I understand 9-3am is a very long time, but I do think he should be allowed out twice a month.

The thing is, you don’t need to go out and get drunk etc to have ‘you time’ if that’s not what you enjoy. If he spends the entire day doing his own thing, you’re entitled to exactly the same. You can go to a cafe, library, read, lunch with a friend, long walk in a park, tell him to take the kids out for the day so you can have quiet time at home. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you have equal time for you.

I'm sorry, but he sounds like the sort of man who wouldn't want much contact with his children in the event of a divorce.

And OP he'd have to pay maintenance.

Are you married?

It isnt just the going out twice per month, he goes out every Thursday for food and drinks with the lads and plays sport 3 nights per week, so with his working hours, it is like he is never at home

@xTina89

I am going to stop drinking for a while myself at least then he cannot throw anything at me, although he will probably find something else I do wrong maybe

If you're at this stage of tit-for-tat, just make moves to leave. It's not a healthy relationship. It's not about your alcohol consumption either, so there's no point in quitting unless you want to for other reasons. Cut back to sensible evels, for your own good, but don't be changing your behaviour to avoid giving him ammo against you. That's getting into controlling territory, and that would be abusive, wouldn't it?

But that’s the thing, she already is doing what she wants. Play dates and meeting for a coffee are her thing, and cooking and drinking wine and watching a movie at home. He goes out twice a month it seems, albeit for an extended long day,

He earns 70k per year so on the calculator he should be paying 5-600 pm so that will leave me with over £1000 spare

He's not being supportive to you, or respectful.

He isn't parenting his children.

He may be having an affair, or just be a selfish POS.

Either way, you're better off splitting up.

Ah ok, that was a drip feed. It makes more sense.

He prob showed you that he was the party type before you married, and when you were dating
Unfortunately woman always thi k he's going to change.
I have family members like this.
My aunt and uncle met each other partying. Had a hell of a time, parties, stayed out late. No problems.

Married, had kids. Now my aunt wants him to stay home more.
And he doesn't understand what changed. He's the same as he always was, and what's more, she never used to have a problem with it . Why now?
I'm not saying he shouldn't settle down, he should, but he showed you who he was before kids and marriage. You didn't want to believe it then .
Normally the wife has enabled this for a long time (normally actually also partook) and it's hard to break the habit .

And unfortunately the kids are the victims in this as they will have divorced parents.

Sorry OP, I hope with reasoning and counselling you can sort this out and that he does grow up. I really do, for you and the kids' sake.

He wants to go out, you don't, if you won't go out with him he will go out with friends then. There's nothing wrong with going out, everyone needs a social life but you both have to compromise. He's out too much, you not enough. Why not try and have a night out the 2 of you, if you have childcare, every couple of weeks or so.

You should be okay, then.
As long as he pays.

Cut down if you want to but don't stop completely or you're just proving his case for him.

Did you not post about him before? Something bout you working on a Sunday and asking him to take the kids out or something?

We have tried going out together but I just dont enjoy his company anymore, I dunno if that is just the resentment that has built up over the last 6 years since our first child was born but I have tried so so hard,I just feel there is nothing for me to cling onto anymore, he doesn't give me anything to go off?

What's your list of reasons for staying with him?

7am-8pm - does that include the commute there/back ?

What does he work at doing a 13 hour day 5 days a week - is he doing overtime ? as that's a 65 hour working week
Did he opt out of the maximum weekly working time limit ?

How does he find the time to go out on Thursdays with a mate for a meal ?
Does he come home earlier that evening ? or goes straight to meet the mate ?

Same with the sport he plays 3 times a week - does he go out to play it at 8.30pm ?

4 evenings a week out is a lot, does he not remember he has you and the children ? Does he think he is single ?

My main reason is the kids, the other is what if it is me that is being unreasonable as he makes me doubt what I believe is right.

He plays sport after 8pm yes, and he usually goes straight out from work on a Thursday.

It doesn't seem as if the kids see much of him anyway so they probably won't miss him much if/when you tell him to feck off.