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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

580 replies

ProbablyAmy · 10/01/2024 10:51

DH and I have 3 children between us, aged 15, 14 (his) and 9 (mine).

My 9 year old DD is with us full time, except every other weekend when she stays with her dad. DPs children stay with us 50/50.

We have moved into a house that needs extensive renovations. Originally the house had 4 double rooms, but because we now need to move a wall, it will be 3 doubles and one single. DP had already promised his children the bigger rooms (except ours) and I didn’t mind so much because my DD still had a double room with enough space for her things. I did warn him though that we shouldn’t be promising bedrooms until the renovations got under way.

However, now that one of the rooms is a single, it will not comfortably fit DD. She will need a single bed (fine), but then a single wardrobe, no room for a chest of drawers or desk. She has lots of books, soft toys, Lego and loves to draw, there will be no room to do any of this comfortably in her bedroom. My argument is that one of the teenagers should have the single room as:

  • they are only here half the time.
  • they don’t have as much stuff as DD.

DP is resistant as his argument is that DD had a much smaller room at my old house (this is true, but she still had toddler furniture which was unsuitable and I would’ve had to move soon!) He’s also backed himself into a corner with his teens and feels they will be annoyed because he’s already promised them larger rooms. He even said if I was suggesting swapping rooms that I should be the one to break it to the teens!

FWIW, I would feel the same if it was the other way round and DPs children were here full time and mine only here 50/50.

OP posts:
ScottishWaylander · 12/01/2024 14:35

Can you not put an en suite in one of the bedrooms for yourselves? Then the bathroom would only be for 3 and doesn't need extending.

Sounds like the kids would prefer big bedrooms to a big bathroom!

ScottishWaylander · 12/01/2024 14:39

Good idea. One teenager has the smaller room. But the other teenage has to host a desk for their brother.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 12/01/2024 15:09

Taking your room out of the equation, how about taking another bite out of the next biggest bedroom and making a second bath/shower room. This would leave one double, which your DD, being there the most, should have and two smaller rooms which they can fight over negotiate ownership of.

This makes sense - why make the smallest room smaller? Make the biggest one smaller. Either put an en suite with bath in your bedroom and leave the shower room as is, or nibble space from the next biggest room for a second shower room. Then biggest of the three for DD, and the two smaller ones for the boys, and two shower rooms for the five of you to share.

Hope your renovations include a downstairs loo too.

Sweetglossy · 12/01/2024 17:15

@ProbablyAmy Any update? Sticking with your current plans and just working on making DH agree with you? Or have you had another thought after getting wonderful advice on this thread?

Jeannie88 · 12/01/2024 18:27

My first reaction reading this is that it's completely unfair on your daughter, who lives there all the time. Sorry but one of the others will have to have the smaller room, they could swap annually? 😉

GoodThingsAreGoingToHappen · 12/01/2024 20:25

Would it not be possible to put one of these in as you’re having renovations done. Love the idea of it and your step kids can share one room then.

Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…
ProtectMotherNature · 13/01/2024 00:17

Common sense dictates that your daughter should have been given a double room as she spends most time in the house. Now a bad situation must be made fairer as far as it can be. Make it a random choice i.e. each child puts their name into a hat and one name is drawn out and they get the smallest room.

theconfidenceofwho · 13/01/2024 00:38

dorry678 · 10/01/2024 11:44

You won't seem mean, you sit all three down, you explain we are a blended family now and you will all be treated fairly and equally.
Names are in this hat... or we roll a dice.

It's how every disagreement is sorted with multiples so no one feels favoured. (in my house 😂)

This! It's the only fair way!

Wheredoesallthewashingcomefrom · 13/01/2024 11:19

Your Dd should have bigger room. Have the 2 teens been asked if they mind a smaller room?
My Dd & Ds swapped rooms a couple yrs ago. He had big room & she had the box room as she had nursery furniture but when Dd was 7 & Ds was 11 they swapped as he understood he no longer had toys & only interested in a bed & having a gaming desk / chair. We got him a double high sleeper bed, so he kept all floor space & got him gaming desk / chair for underneath. He loves it & was happy for his sister to have bigger room & she stores some of his old lego under her bed.
Could this be a solution so on DSS has a double bed in a single room & still space??

FairFuming · 14/01/2024 12:54

Did your Dp really promise rooms ti his children without consulting you first? Especially when you equally own the home and he has 2 kids while you only have 1? How on earth does he think that's ok to just decide your child gets the smallest room? I'd be really upset with him

MollyButton · 14/01/2024 13:17

Do you have an architect?
I would give them back this issue, to solve.
I also think 1 family bathroom between 5 is too few, and sincerely hope you have some cloakrooms at least.

Fromthebirdsnest · 14/01/2024 13:28

Your DD is there full time she needs a bigger room the end ...

Jessforless · 14/01/2024 14:02

Do you have plans (current and for work) and maybe people have suggestions that might help?

Saymyname28 · 14/01/2024 14:05

He's the idiot that started promising things before he had them to give.
The boys can either share or draw straws for the small room.

How incredibly unfair would it be for your daughter to grow up with one tiny room that barely fits her stuff. When her two brothers have a huge room each that is empty half the time and that they barley keep anything in?

SnowBotherer · 15/01/2024 17:22

SealHouse · 10/01/2024 12:12

Am I missing something .... you say they've been grumbling about sharing and want their own rooms - but they WILL be getting their own rooms, just that one would be a single. Surely they'll be so pleased to finally have their own rooms that they won't mind drawing straws for the larger one and/or rotating annually?

@SealHouse

im sure that would have been fine, until their idiot father (who was told to wait!) told them they could have the biggest rooms

toomuchfaff · 15/01/2024 17:28

No option to increase the amount of rooms.. obviously making each smaller... but making on of those doubles into 2 single box rooms...

If not then DH needs to retract the offer of separate bedrooms.

The child with primary residence gets thwir own room.

ThatDamnedDog · 18/01/2024 18:23

Obviously I don’t know the layout of your new house, but if 2 doubles are side by side (at the back or front of the house) could you not put stud walls up to make 3 small doubles/large singles instead of taking all of the bathroom space from one room?

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/01/2024 18:54

ThatDamnedDog · 18/01/2024 18:23

Obviously I don’t know the layout of your new house, but if 2 doubles are side by side (at the back or front of the house) could you not put stud walls up to make 3 small doubles/large singles instead of taking all of the bathroom space from one room?

No one know the layout as many have asked @ProbablyAmy for a floor plan and no reply

Whatwasthatshow · 24/04/2024 11:23

How did you resolve this @ProbablyAmy

ProbablyAmy · 24/04/2024 14:37

@Whatwasthatshow

One of the teens took the smaller room, and despite some initial grumbling, they absolutely love it. We’ve made it into a proper gaming den for them and they have a wall mounted TV and console in their room (which the other kids don’t have). We also now have a bath and proper family bathroom so we’re glad we moved the wall. DD is very happy as she has a room big enough to comfortably fit all of her things and has had a couple of sleepovers.

Everyone is happy which is great!

OP posts:
jenny38 · 24/04/2024 14:54

Great update, glad it worked out

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/04/2024 16:09

that’s a really good update and i’m glad it all worked out.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 24/04/2024 16:10

ProbablyAmy · 24/04/2024 14:37

@Whatwasthatshow

One of the teens took the smaller room, and despite some initial grumbling, they absolutely love it. We’ve made it into a proper gaming den for them and they have a wall mounted TV and console in their room (which the other kids don’t have). We also now have a bath and proper family bathroom so we’re glad we moved the wall. DD is very happy as she has a room big enough to comfortably fit all of her things and has had a couple of sleepovers.

Everyone is happy which is great!

Edited

Great news OP

GabriellaMontez · 24/04/2024 16:11

A happy ending 😊

Epidote · 24/04/2024 18:29

Great update