Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

[ProbablyAmy]

DH and I have 3 children between us, aged 15, 14 (his) and 9 (mine).

My 9 year old DD is with us full time, except every other weekend when she stays with her dad. DPs children stay with us 50/50.

We have moved into a house that needs extensive renovations. Originally the house had 4 double rooms, but because we now need to move a wall, it will be 3 doubles and one single. DP had already promised his children the bigger rooms (except ours) and I didn’t mind so much because my DD still had a double room with enough space for her things. I did warn him though that we shouldn’t be promising bedrooms until the renovations got under way.

However, now that one of the rooms is a single, it will not comfortably fit DD. She will need a single bed (fine), but then a single wardrobe, no room for a chest of drawers or desk. She has lots of books, soft toys, Lego and loves to draw, there will be no room to do any of this comfortably in her bedroom. My argument is that one of the teenagers should have the single room as:

• they are only here half the time.
• they don’t have as much stuff as DD.

DP is resistant as his argument is that DD had a much smaller room at my old house (this is true, but she still had toddler furniture which was unsuitable and I would’ve had to move soon!) He’s also backed himself into a corner with his teens and feels they will be annoyed because he’s already promised them larger rooms. He even said if I was suggesting swapping rooms that I should be the one to break it to the teens!

FWIW, I would feel the same if it was the other way round and DPs children were here full time and mine only here 50/50.

Forget the bath.
Put wash basins/vanity units in all the children's bathrooms!
Full timers in the house get first choice.

Could you not put both boys in one room, DD in the other double and create a study/ gaming area in the 3rd? It could have desks, storage and a fold out bed for contingencies/sleepovers?

I like the idea of discussing it as a family with everyone. You don't have to have a final solution by the end of it but as suggested the kids may surprise you

Meh just put little one in smallest room. Problem solved.DH keeps his promise. Or buy bunk beds and give DD your room lol. Things change quick and boys may want to live permanently if they have own rooms. You won't know until you do what was agreed.

Would they be more prepared to share if they had a study/gaming room in the smallest bedroom?

Your daughter lives there full time so should get the bigger room. A single room is plenty adequate for 50% of the time. It’s not like it’s a shoe box….or you’re asking them to share. Put your foot downZ

This.

Had same situation - all children should be treated equally and therefore room allocation is based on need and not age. More stuff, used more often needs the most appropriate room

no point a child who lives there full time being squashed in a room when the other rooms are empty half the time

I would be happy to break it to them - the rationale makes sense and is nothing to do with being a step child

The problem is your DH created a problem…. But even if he hadn’t really said anything I suspect there would have been arguments.

You need to sit the boys down together and explain that things have changed and why and that they have two options, have a room each and one has to have a smaller room or they share the second biggest room in the house and also get the single as a gaming room with full PS/Xbox set up to sweeten the deal!

Either that or you move two walls to widen the bathroom rather than just one making the rooms less disproportional overall if that’s an option.

Dont do this. Dont do this. Don’t be precious about a family bathroom at the expense of a child getting a f-ing closet to live and play in!! Nobody lives in the toilet!

Come on mama!!

Silly question and more expensive but can you even out the size of the bedrooms while you're knocking walls down?

Honestly just talk to the boys. Explain your dilemma and give them a role in the decision making process. The fair thing is for your daughter to take precedence as it's her permanent home. You may be worrying over something they don't care that much about.

The kid who is there the most has the most stuff and therefore should have the biggest room. She’s also going to be living there full time for at least the next 9 years. There’s no point in having two big rooms empty half the time. Is there any option to put small en-suite shower rooms into the bedrooms. They can be about 90cm* 200cm?

@ProbablyAmy is there any way of a compromise? Like one DSC has the smaller room one week, the other has it the following week? I agree your DD should have a larger room purely because she's there full time

My adult DD moved out about three years ago. Prior to that she had to sleep in the box room which is only about 7 x 6 ft. She had a small single bed with storage boxes underneath, a double wardrobe with three drawers underneath (brand new and arrived fully assembled from an ebay seller - there are quite a few of these sellers on ebay) and somehow she also managed to squeeze in a shoe cabinet! She also had a large tv at the end of the bed that was too wide for the space available so had to be angled on a shelf.

Prior to that, my DS had that room when he was younger and he managed with a high sleeper that had a wardrobe, drawers and desk underneath.

What about getting the 2 teen boys to share a double room and turn the single room in to a chill/games room. So tv / games console/ sofa bed or daybed. That way it’s more appealing to them maybe and with the sofa bed if they don’t want to sleep in the same room one of them can stay in there

I think at the boys ages, 14 & 15, they should have the doubles as they are clearly craving privacy from each other (if they’ve always shared so far), space to study as well as have friends over. They may have to compromise though, in that some of their sisters (or dads) things would need to go in their room (say 1 closet) and perhaps sister gets to use their rooms when they are not there (so long as she respects their things as well). And like some other posters have said, perhaps your daughter will get a larger room if the boys move out for uni etc.

Completely agree with this

At nine she’s not going to care about having a large single room, they are barely in their rooms at that age. You would have more problems with a teenager in a small room either A being miserable / not enough room to study or B wanting to come downstairs more often with their mates etc ( not ideal 😂)

Hopefully in a couple of years one of the boys would be moving on elsewhere, or naturally spending less time when they are our more / girlfriends house etc even if they don’t one of them wound need to give up their room as fair is fair for her. Then she gets the bigger room in good time for being a teen and doing her exams etc

It’s not ideal but only for a few more years I reckon

A single room is adequate for a 9 year old.

Family of 5 (all grown) here and no bath needed! (We have just removed ours) Bath or not only one person can use it at a time. You’d be making a huge mistake by making a bedroom smaller! We changed our bathroom into a little wet room and it’s great! The solution to your problem is glaringly obvious x

A shower room does absolutely not have to be big! I can touch both sides of ours if I stretch my arms. It’s so great though! Modern and clean cut. Bathrooms are a total waste of space. We have walkin shower, loo with hidden cistern and wash basin with modern storage underneath all in such a tiny space. We have 4 bedrooms and our wet room is sooo nice.

Our son (teenager) has a large single room - not a cupboard, an actual room. It has his bed, desk, drawers etc. Plus a built in cupboard for his stuff.
Our daughter (5) has the bigger room.

He has a phone, xbox etc, she has toys and dolls houses so needs a bigger room despite being younger.

We have a bath and its a requirement, cant relax in a shower 😂😂

A single room isnt the end of the world and older kids dont have as much things as younger ones, theyre things are usually smaller (and more expensive!)

Put your money into a modern wet/shower room. Look on Pinterest. Ours is super tiny and is fab! It cost us 6K (that included everything finished to a high standard but I’m sure could have been done even cheaper. Think again! Bathrooms are a waste of space and only need to be functional. Don’t miss a bath one bit!

Do the boys share in their mums house or does one have a bigger room in that house. My DD has the big room in my house and DS has the smaller one. They have the opposite in the Dad’s house to make it fair.

This^ I have 3 DC. 2 older DS’s and 1 younger DD. DS’s shared a double room and DD had a very small single. The boys never actually needed the space as much as DD. She is 15 now and has a double room and so much stuff. Seriously I do believe girls need more space. Arts and crafty bits when they’re younger but omg when they get older it’s makeup, lotions and potions, bags and shoes. She will need the bigger space.

Could you not say to to DH’s DS’s that yes they can have their own rooms but there will be a compromise of one of them having a single room and if there is arguing or problems sorting it out then they will have to share a double room? Oh and DH should be the one to have the discussion.