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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a no cooking after 10pm ban is a bit much?

216 replies

Dontknowwhattodo123456 · 01/01/2024 08:50

currently staying at my father in laws,

his other grown up children still live here.

for context: it’s a big 4 bed council flat (this will be relevant)

We’re temporarily stay here whilst our place undergoes some work. i always have dinner pretty early with my son so it’s never an issue for me. But fights are literally ensuing every night over this.

if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing. ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’.

last night he physically grabbed my brother in law’s/his son’s pans off the hob to start shoving back in the cupboard.

to cut a long story short - I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time? And in which case is he now right to have implemented this 10pm curfew. Or is my father mad?

feel like it’s a mad house here and I don’t even know objectively who’s right in this situation.

thanks!

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 01/01/2024 08:51

His house, his rules

PuttingDownRoots · 01/01/2024 08:52

If his son gets in from work at 9.30 for example... he's completely unreasonable.

If however its a really noisy extraction fan which he knows disturbs a neighbour... he may be trying to be considerate.

billyt · 01/01/2024 08:52

Unfortunately, his house, his rules.

Fucking bonkers, though.

Saymyname28 · 01/01/2024 08:52

Cooking is actually pretty noisy, and then there's the clean up. The guy has all his bloody adult children, as well as their partners living in his house. If he wants to chill out in peace at 10pm not listening to people banging about with pans and cupboards and making a mess that's his business.

pickledandpuzzled · 01/01/2024 08:53

His house his rules.

Its totally reasonable to want to relax and sleep knowing that the oven and job are off, no smoke alarms are going to sound, no clattering of pans and washing up, fans going etc.

SgtJuneAckland · 01/01/2024 08:53

Ten o'clock at night in someone else's home is very late to be properly cooking, it doesn't sound like a slice of toast or something and no one is coming back from a late shift so there's no reason for it. In a flat in particular I wouldn't want all the cooking smells in my bedroom before bed, and are they tidying up after they've eaten? That in itself can be noisy, if not they're leaving dirty plates out over night.

BoobyDazzler · 01/01/2024 08:54

It is an odd time to habitually eat but I can understand if you’re a family of shift workers or something.

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/01/2024 08:54

No 9.40pm is not a typical time to eat dinner. Does it disturb the neighbours? In some flats cooking smells can carry so if that applies then FIL has a point. The threat throw dinner on the street is weird though. If you can stay elsewhere I would though, the whole thing sounds stressful.

AhBiscuits · 01/01/2024 08:54

I think it does depend why they are cooking so late.

margotrose · 01/01/2024 08:54

Maybe he's sick of his adult kids taking over his house and being inconsiderate?

Ascubudr · 01/01/2024 08:54

Sounds like a lot of adults under one roof. It is infuriating to have cleaned the kitchen to have 19yo DS to start messing it all up again. Our rules are the kitchen must be clear and clean when I come downstairs at 5:30 am. 9/10 he is done by 8:30/9pm. However it was NYE yesterday so presumably everyone was up late and not having to get up this am. Realise key workers will be at work today.

PickledPurplePickle · 01/01/2024 08:55

I think that is very late to eat

Also it’s his house so respect his rules or move out

PuttingDownRoots · 01/01/2024 08:55

Also is the kitchen open plan with the living room?

BrimfulOfMash · 01/01/2024 08:55

It’s his flat, so whether you consider it reasonable or not it’s up to him.

Cooking is noisy and generates smells. Maybe his neighbours have complained if they are all banging pots, extractor fan on, late at night.

He’s doing you a favour. Your DH should be showing him some respect. How is it necessary to be cooking at 9.40?

Hiddenvoice · 01/01/2024 08:55

It’s his house so his rules so only seems fair that everyone is respectful of that . I wouldn’t stay at a family members house and start cooking at 9/10pm.

It depends on if bil was just home from work and now just able to eat his dinner which is fair enough but if he’s been home for a while then it’s pretty unreasonable of him.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 01/01/2024 08:56

His house, his rules and seem completely reasonable to me unless someone is a shift worker. Not sure I've ever been cooking past 7.30 myself.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2024 08:56

He’s over reacting but it is HIS house and he’s made his position clear. Why is your brother ignoring that?

Almondmum · 01/01/2024 08:56

It's his house.. completely disrespectful that he's asked for this rule and is being ignored.

If they don't like it they can move out.

When does the council flat bit become relevant?

WhatNoRaisins · 01/01/2024 08:56

I wouldn't be keen on someone clattering around my kitchen that late, cooking can be really noisy. Is this someone who works a late shift? I'd have more sympathy then but not if it was just someone keeping odd hours.

ConciseQueen · 01/01/2024 08:57

More context needed. Why are people cooking late and why can’t they comply with his rules?

Savedpassword · 01/01/2024 08:57

It depends on shifts/routines surely? If people are working late/evening shifts and want to eat when they get home that’s very different to someone who lies around all evening and then decides to cook that late.
I’d find it irritating in the latter case.

QuillBill · 01/01/2024 08:57

So he's actually saying it's not fair on his neighbours and people are still doing it?

Cherryana · 01/01/2024 08:58

I think the extreme reaction is he has tried to say ‘don’t do it, I don’t like it’- but it’s been said in ‘British Passive Aggressive’ speak. So, it’s been masked by him saying ‘it’s not fair on the Neighbours’.

Last night, he obviously felt disrespected again - and it had built and built hence pulling the pans off.

You’re bil is going to think he is the aggrieved party as so is your dad. For resolution they will both have to apologise for their part in the situation.

Your father sounds terrible at communicating.

I think you should follow his house rules.

I am sure he wouldn’t have an issue with a dinner that was already made being heated up in the microwave.

LilyLemonade · 01/01/2024 08:58

I dont think it’s a normal time to be cooking and it clearly disturbs him (it would disturb me too to have people cooking in my home so late at might)… his way of handling it seems a bit dysfunctional though.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 01/01/2024 08:58

For me it would depend why they are cooking that late. It is not a 'normal' time to eat dinner for sure but if they do shift work etc then it is understandable.