To think a no cooking after 10pm ban is a bit much?

[Dontknowwhattodo123456]

currently staying at my father in laws,

his other grown up children still live here.

for context: it’s a big 4 bed council flat (this will be relevant)

We’re temporarily stay here whilst our place undergoes some work. i always have dinner pretty early with my son so it’s never an issue for me. But fights are literally ensuing every night over this.

if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing. ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’.

last night he physically grabbed my brother in law’s/his son’s pans off the hob to start shoving back in the cupboard.

to cut a long story short - I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time? And in which case is he now right to have implemented this 10pm curfew. Or is my father mad?

feel like it’s a mad house here and I don’t even know objectively who’s right in this situation.

thanks!

I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time?

It's not a usual teatime no. Maybe getting a snack? But cooking on the stove with pans at 9.40pm isn't something I'd ever be doing.

It’s to do with the smell I believe. They always tidy up after themselves. For context it’s an open plan living room kitchen but not a sofa just a dining table. Father in law sits at dining table on laptop till about 1am.

for context they all split rent and utilities bills.

@PuttingDownRoots rent and utility bills all split

How about adding the context as to why they can’t eat at a normal time?

Why is anyone cooking so late apart from shift work?

Eat earlier like normal or move out.

He’s said why: it’s not fair on the neighbours.

If you cook for yourself and your Dc early why can’t you leave some to microwave for your OH?

It’s a shared space. Your FIL wants some peace in there in the late evening.

Your FIL is perfectly reasonable not to want cooking noise and smell that late, especially in the room he's hanging out in. Why don't they cook earlier?

Basically he sounds as though he wants them all to move out. they are cooking in his living room and he can't relax.

I agree with Father in law.

He’s got to the raging threatening stage as he has said, ‘Don’t do this and this is why’ and he has been repeatedly totally ignored.

If people want to live in the way they choose, they could move out. I don't think it matters what anyone else thinks - it's his home and these are his choices.

Regardless of how they split the bills, if it’s his name on the tenancy it’s his house, his rules.

It doesn’t seem like a massively unreasonable request, tbh, so why can’t the household respect it? Is there an actual need to cook so late, or people are just being thoughtless/obstinate/defiant?

Gosh so little respect for him.

Its his house and he doesn't want noise/smell/mess after 10pm which is completely reasonable.

Why are people going against his wishes even after he's said this?! The poor man. You can see how older people get taken advantage of he must be at his wits end.

Can you really not see this OP?

Your updates haven’t said if there’s a reason why they can’t eat at a normal time. Shift workers who don’t get in until 9.30 I could understand but if they could easily eat at 7-8pm but are choosing not to then it sounds like they’re just stirring up conflict. How long are you stuck there for OP??

@BrimfulOfMash he eats different stuff normally.

my OH cooks this late rarely. The war is waging between fil and bil

This is one of the many reasons why multi-generational living does not work.

for context they all split rent and utilities bills.

It’s still FIL’s house though.

It's his house so his rules. Why are you cooking at 10pm? That's strange to me, because I go to sleep at that time. Is that your dinner? Or an extra dinner? I wouldn't want guests cooking that late, making smells and leaving a pile of washing up. If you're unhappy, you can move out.

My parents always eat that late. Always have done.
Plenty of other countries don't as early as the UK. It is unusual for here, but not 'mental'.

Why are all his adult children living with him? That would drive me slightly scatty.
And can they not coordinate to cook one meal per evening, on a rota? Leftovers can be microwaved if someone is going to be in a bit late. Multiple meals being cooked would also be frustrating for the constant noise.

They just need to talk about how to live together with minimal friction. For them and the neighbours.

I'm team FIL.

@InTheRainOnATrain

brother in law not a key worker or anything, he’s just kind of nocturnal. I don’t know why. I don’t ask. I’m just counting down the days till I’m out of here

YABVU. It's HIS home so his rules should be respected!

If someone can't live by his rules they should move out immediately.

I presume this is the flat where they all grew up and fil is charging them rent as they are now adults.

9:40 is pretty late to be actually cooking unless shift work. I suspect fil wouldn't object to microwave etc.

Have the neighbours actually complained? If so then fil is being very reasonable.

However, it sounds like it is more a case of the adult children could do with moving out to their own place if they want to have freedom to do what they want.

So he's repeatedly asked people not to cook after a certain time in HIS home, yet you are still doing it. Have you always been so disrespectful towards anyone hosting you or does it not count if that host is family.
Honestly, if I were him, I'd be telling the lot of you to pack your bags, get out and take your entitlement with you.

It has nothing to do with meal times. People in their own homes can eat according to their schedules.

This is to do with agreed rules to living together.

Now, you have said your father is in the dining room on his laptop - it is even more important for your bil to stop making noise and smells.

Why aren’t you making dinner for your husband and Bil at the same time and leaving it for them to heat up?