To think a no cooking after 10pm ban is a bit much?

[Dontknowwhattodo123456]

currently staying at my father in laws,

his other grown up children still live here.

for context: it’s a big 4 bed council flat (this will be relevant)

We’re temporarily stay here whilst our place undergoes some work. i always have dinner pretty early with my son so it’s never an issue for me. But fights are literally ensuing every night over this.

if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing. ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’.

last night he physically grabbed my brother in law’s/his son’s pans off the hob to start shoving back in the cupboard.

to cut a long story short - I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time? And in which case is he now right to have implemented this 10pm curfew. Or is my father mad?

feel like it’s a mad house here and I don’t even know objectively who’s right in this situation.

thanks!

I don't think the rule itself is SO extreme; the sounds. smells and mess of cooking can be disturbing to some people; and, unless people have genuine reasons to need to cook at this time, such as working on a late shift, they should be considerate of his wishes in this respect. However, his behaviour is very OTT and authoritarian: ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’. Is he that authoritarian about other things?

Cooking that late can disturb the rest of the household. However, I would understand if it is shift workers.

"if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing"

I really feel sorry for your father in law to be honest. I don't know what the family dynamic is but to have your grown sons and daughter in laws living permanently with you is quite a big sacrifice in my opinion whether you live in a flat or a house. Unless it was a very big property where the cooking in question could literally be shut away in a soundproof/smellproof way and someone could peacefully sleep in another area of the property it is a lot to ask.

i dont know how to vote but i think he definitely has a point.
sounds infuriating for him, and for you to live in that atmosphere

Starting cooking at 9:40 is very late and not usual.

But also, staying up until 1am on your laptop isn't very usual either.

But people are weird. They get stuck in their strange habits and don't want to change. And anyone coming along to mess with that system is going to get an arsey response.

My sister and her partner don't cook at all. He cooks a spag bol for christmas dinner, once a year, and the rest of the time they exist on eating out and microwave ready meals. Weird.
My auntie and uncle sit up until 1 or 2am every night. Even when they both worked full time. Weird.

But neither of them are hurting anyone else.

In your case, it's a bit "his house, his rules". It would do no harm not to bring the cooking forwards an hour.

My question would be why do FILs children keep winding him up in this way when they know it upsets him?
Sounds very dysfunctional and makes me wonder that if it they suddenly no longer wanted cook after 10pm if they'd find another way to start winding him up instead?

Absolute rubbish.

Try educating yourself on sleep disorders for starters.

I suspect your FIL is more concerned about the nocturnal habits.of BIL than the actual cooking.

Is there a compromise? At 9.40pm soup and a toastie, a caesar salad or meal for one in the microwave, would be far less intrusive than a full on curry or fry up.

Sounds like FIL is wound up in general. It doesn't seem like a good set up for anyone.

Another team FiL. He's got adult children, you and young child in his house. There are undoubtedly, like yours, good reasons. However he would also like peace and quiet and in a kitchen/sitting room, where he likes to be on his pc or whatever at night, someone cooking after 10pm with no shift-work as a reason is probably the last straw. Especially if he thinks his nocturnal son is not pulling his weight in other ways - then his exploding for the constantly running late is understandable. OPs have suggested your BiL eat earlier, microwave something, have a sandwich, have a kettle/microwave in his room. Or BiL could batch cook some microwaveable meals or buy them. All of you are lucky to have a dad or FiL with the space to house you - the least your BiL can do is obey his rules courteously and give him some quiet space.

sometimes im a mix on cooking times, usually late evening ill have sandwiches, other times its basics in microwave, but usually quick to cook if its late.

@Crafthead apologies, I've just realised I quoted your post in error. My comments were directed to FluffyFanny's nonsense about nocturnal people being lazy, not your response to it.

Some people on this thread do seem awfully conventional and hung up on what's 'weird' vs what's 'normal'. Agreed the main issue is that the homeowner isn't happy with them cooking this late, but aside from that I really don't understand why people are so judgemental of those who don't conform to social norms. There can be any number of reasons why a person does things in a way that rigidly conventional people may find strange.

Not confirming to social norms is absolutely fine on your own place. That isn't really the issue.

The issue is that it is completely "normal" and reasonable to expect a quiet house after 10pm free from noise and mess. Especially in your own house.

Added to that he has already told his son this is the case and the son is STIll doing it. To the extent he's having to threaten to remove the food.

This is so sad. The poor man.

Yes, it's too late.

BIL should batch cook in advance and just quickly reheat a portion in the evening. What sort of meals is he making?

I don't blame FIL.

He’s not unreasonable. That’s annoying when done regularly. Not only is it not great for digestion but it’s not just about the cooking but the cleaning etc that then has to happen late at night. If you don’t like his rules….go somewhere else!

I’d have lost my sh&t if anyone cooks at that time I’m my house. Tea is between 5-6:30 normally unless DH on call. Even so no actual cooking goes on into the night. Making a sandwich, eating crisps etc fine however actual cooking no thank u !!

I think the answer must be divided in several depends.

Ultimately, his house his rules.

If we forget that, you can Cook at whatever time you want.
i meal prep at night as everyone is out of the way and often could be cooking and prepping from 10pm to say 1am on a Friday or Saturday 🫣

I actually agree with him. No need to be cooking after 10pm unless they finish work late, them of course its different.

We sometimes cook pasta or noodles at 3am. I don't think our neighbours have ever noticed. I guess if you're cooking curry or frying something it might cause a smell which might bother your neighbours. I live in a street with a large Muslim community. They often cook at unsociable hours during Ramadan and we're fine with it as long as they don't start crashing pans around.

Kind of 'nocturnal' people can't be very bloody annoying in a household of people who live in normal hours!

We don’t allow larks to stay.

@ElevenSeven if they all split the rent/bills, why is it FIL's house ?

@Dontknowwhattodo123456

if it's being lived in like a house share BIL should tell FIL to work/use his lap top while they use the kitchen as a kitchen.

@JingleSnowmanTree because he owns it. Contributing towards rent and utilities doesn’t make it a house share.

Calm down, and read the OP