To think a no cooking after 10pm ban is a bit much?

[Dontknowwhattodo123456]

currently staying at my father in laws,

his other grown up children still live here.

for context: it’s a big 4 bed council flat (this will be relevant)

We’re temporarily stay here whilst our place undergoes some work. i always have dinner pretty early with my son so it’s never an issue for me. But fights are literally ensuing every night over this.

if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing. ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’.

last night he physically grabbed my brother in law’s/his son’s pans off the hob to start shoving back in the cupboard.

to cut a long story short - I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time? And in which case is he now right to have implemented this 10pm curfew. Or is my father mad?

feel like it’s a mad house here and I don’t even know objectively who’s right in this situation.

thanks!

We tend to eat later - 8.30pm is a very usual dinner time for us as we generally do not get in from work until 7pm/7.30pm at the earliest. Often we eat later than that as Mr Monkey works in retail and a couple of times a week does not finish work until 8.30pm - not everyone is home from work at 6pm for their tea! There still also be times when one or both us gets in late from socialising and makes something. But then it is just us here.

It sounds as if a big part of the problem is the open plan kitchen/living room. This is why I refused to consider any flats without a complete separate kitchen.

Probably wise! BIL sounds like a bit of a twat tbh. With your OH though, if you’re eating earlier with DS and he isn’t ready to eat yet for whatever reason then maybe make a bit extra that he can microwave later. All you can do is keep your family out of it whilst you count the days.

for context they all split rent and utilities bills.

Well, I should hope so. The BIL doesn't get a medal for paying his rent and bills. That's completely normal behaviour. He's still living with his dad though.

That's why most people move out when they are adults. So they can do their own thing.

@Almondmum

council estate bit relevant to understanding physical proximity in relation to neighbours. It’s not like a narrow Victorian town house that’s been converted into flats whereby cooking would likely stink up the communal stairway etc. it’s a big purpose built estate with lots of ventilation either side.

I was just wanting to see if actually cooking at that time is typical for others. At my family home we always ate extremely early but I know other households would have supper much later.

the general consensus so far is that eating at that time is not normal

@Dontcallmescarface
you’ve misunderstood. This is nothing to do with me. I’m not going against anyone’s wishes.

I think the son is BU. His father has made it clear he doesn't like him cooking so late - fair enough I would also find it annoying. So he should compromise and start cooking at 9 pm.

a 10 pm curfew for cooking is reasonable imo

It doesn't matter if it is typical for others. In a free society, people can eat at whatever time they want. It is about making an agreement to live in a way that fits with the others in the same house/flat

In an open plan set up your BIL is a selfish git. FIL has every right to say enough is enough.

It seems that he isn't cooking this late out of necessity due to work or anything, so if FIL doesn't like it then that should be respected.

His house, his rules.

Is there anyway anyone who has to eat late prepares it earlier, so they're just heating it up later on? Cooking and cleaning up can make quite a mess/noise!

Yes, that is really late to be cooking unless you're a shift worker. Most people I know east between 7-8 PM, a few up until 9. I don't know anyone who would actually still be cooking at 10 on a regular basis!!

brother in law not a key worker or anything, he’s just kind of nocturnal. I don’t know why.

This would drive me insane - just getting ready to wind down for bedtime and turn everything off and someone starts cooking in my open plan kitchen / diner at almost 10pm 😬 I'm irritated just reading it never mind living it - poor FIL!

Answer. Chuck the lot of you out.

Cooking at 10pm is weird.

Is it really that hard to be done by then? It's not much to ask imo.

I routinely eat that late and am not a shift worker. I physically can’t eat before about 2pm at the earliest so everything is pushed back. We’re all that way though (teen DD has activities until 9:30pm twice a week so usually has porridge or something on toast at about 10pm because 6pm is too early for any of us to eat dinner).

There’s nothing inherently wrong with it, unless it is negatively affecting others. And as others have said, his house, his rules.

Yes it's late for noise and mess (my neighbour often cooks at midnight) (also in purpose built council flats). Plus he is doing you a favour, putting you up, which presumably he doesn't have to.

My parents had similar ways in their council flat where the walls were paper thin. they even tried not to have their showers too late.

And, also, it’s his house, his rules.

I agree with others
It’s Fil’s house and he doesn’t want people cooking after 10pm.
If someone is working shifts, they should cook at another time and simply heat it up.
Your Fil is probably pissed off because people are ignoring his rules.
If bil has an issue with the 10pm cut off rule he can find his own place

I live in a flat and my bedroom wall shares my neighbour's kitchen and I can hear them clashing around with pans late at night plus the food smells come through the bedroom window in the summer. FIL sounds considerate.

It's a very reasonable rule. If someone needs to eat in the night as they get home late then it can be something quick and easy and quiet, not proper cooking.

Exactly.....hasn't your relative heard of sandwiches?

Did you bother reading any of the OP's post?

As I read your op all I was thinking was 'poor bloke has absolutely had it with other people living in his house.'

My son cooks in the middle of the night nearly every night ( think between 2-4am) but he keeps as quiet as he can and he has adhd so sleeping at night is b hard for him. Not everyone eats breakfast, lunch and tea.. My daughter is about to start a run of night shifts so she will be sleeping during the day so ds cooking at night will suit us.

But it’s his flat and his rules so I’m with him .. if he asked you not to then it’s rude to keep on cooking at that time.

Council flats are often poorly insulated for sound and so he's being really respectful of neighbours. Maybe there's been complaints in the past (either from him or vv). It's pretty late for food prep/cooking. Couldn't you or they batch cook and then just reheat if they get home late?