To think a no cooking after 10pm ban is a bit much?

[Dontknowwhattodo123456]

currently staying at my father in laws,

his other grown up children still live here.

for context: it’s a big 4 bed council flat (this will be relevant)

We’re temporarily stay here whilst our place undergoes some work. i always have dinner pretty early with my son so it’s never an issue for me. But fights are literally ensuing every night over this.

if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing. ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’.

last night he physically grabbed my brother in law’s/his son’s pans off the hob to start shoving back in the cupboard.

to cut a long story short - I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time? And in which case is he now right to have implemented this 10pm curfew. Or is my father mad?

feel like it’s a mad house here and I don’t even know objectively who’s right in this situation.

thanks!

I don't think this is anything to do with multigenerational living - just BIL being a selfish git

Yeah can understand it actually.

Perhaps his behaviour is a response to people living in his home who continuously ignore the rules he's set in his home?

Perhaps if people didn't start cooking 20 minutes before he's said he wants it over he wouldn't get angry?

Perhaps you could find somewhere else to stay whilst work is done?

Perhaps his adult children can get their own homes where they set their own rules?

I feel sorry for this man being treated as an annoyance in his own home

He has a house full of other people. Sounds like it’s busy , He gets no peace or down time .
i think I’d be pretty pissed at someone starting cooking and mess at that time when I am trying to wind down for bed .

Odd slice of roasted cheese maybe but why is everyone waiting untill nearly 10pm to start cooking ? Also why can’t you make a plate for your dh and he can heat up . Or is it that he’s not working just he wants to eat late eat night.?

Sounds like you are all unreasonable
Does the father have any choice in you all
as house guests?

My mum uses to say " the kitchen is closed" at about 9pm when I lived at home. I would like to do the same but my son is always cooking a 2nd dinner at 10pm! It's annoying so I can see why your fil is like it

If everyone knows the rules and know it drives FIL bonkers, why do they keep doing it?

Yes that’s what I’m wondering. How is the fact it’s a council flat relevant?

This is my take. I don't think it's unreasonable at all, actually.

Why can't you as a family sit down together and work this out? You could easily take it in turns to cook a meal for the whole family earlier in the evening and plate up for those who want eat later & they can ping it in the microwave. Those that aren't willing to respect & abide by the rules move out.

"Nocturnal' people are generally just people who are lazy and don't want to be part of normal society- the types that don't work and spend all day in bed and play a lot of computer games.

ODFOD.

My vampiric hours have proved very useful in lots of 9-5 jobs. I don’t play computer games or spend all day in bed.

There is nothing superior about being a lark. A lot of the things that make life work/worth living happen when most “normal” people are in bed. (As most creatives are night owls, perhaps those that aren’t could be considered “boring” rather than “normal”.)

yep, this. And maybe the OP should have moved into a Airbnb rather than add to the stress

it woul annoy me massively

God I feel sorry for him - why are you all there? Piss off and stop using the kitchen. You're all taking him for a mug. A piece of toast is one thing, but pots and pans when he's asked them not to?

Can anyone else plate an extra meal for bil and save it for later ?

ive lived with someone who thought it was normal to be cooking at 10pm at night, completely unaware of the noise, smells and clattering as other in the house were trying to relax and go to sleep.

Id suggest a slow cooker as a solution to shift work in this case as its nit noisy a bag of rice in the microwave at 9.30 isn[t going to cause havoc

Nah it's his house, and 10pm is a ridiculous time of night to be cooking and eating.

WTF should she be cooking for her partner and her BIL? Why aren’t they cooking for her at a decent hour?

That’s madness, I wouldn’t have someone cooking at 10pm here, I wouldn’t put that rule in place because no one would do it! Why is he cooking so late?

It's his house he can have whatever rules in it he wants. Does sound like he has issues, though. Poor guy probably wishes he had his own space back sometimes, too.

If it was a detached house he would BU.

But it's easy to forget something on the hob/ under the grill and set off the smoke alarm, which would be very loud and inconsiderate in a block of flats where there are presumably people sleeping at that time.

If you’re staying in someone else’s home then yes, it’s rude to be choosing to cook meals as late as 10pm at night in their open plan kitchen / living area when they have repeatedly asked you not to. There’s no reason you need to be cooking this late and you’ve been asked to stop. Time to do as you’re being asked!

Forgot to add that I live with my husband's family and don't cook beyond 9 pm-ish because it's just a bit noisy and rude when everyone is trying to wind down and want into the kitchen for a cup of tea before bed.

The only time I cook at night that late is if I am making someone a surprise birthday cake and need to do it in the middle of the night, which is only a couple of times a year, and I creep around doing it quietly.

Are there rules about late activities?When I lived in a flat (London mansion block) there were rules in the lease about what you could and couldn't do at certain times, I think 11pm was the cutoff, and "allowing your manservant to run" in the building was outlawed!

I have Ukrainian house guests ATM and tbh it bothers me when they cook late at night, in my 4 bed semi, after I've tidied up for the night.

I can't understand why BIL who has always lived there doesn't understand the rules?! Perhaps the cooking argument is a metaphor for something else. Like FIL wishes BIL wasn't nocturnal, and thinks if he ate at a reasonable time he'd get up earlier?

Yep…I think you are all incredibly rude. Please respect your dads home and his rules.

"'Nocturnal' people are generally just people who are lazy and don't want to be part of normal society"

Or have mental health or neurodiversity issues that make being part of "normal society" harder.

I would suggest a slow cooker might help though...