To think a no cooking after 10pm ban is a bit much?

[Dontknowwhattodo123456]

currently staying at my father in laws,

his other grown up children still live here.

for context: it’s a big 4 bed council flat (this will be relevant)

We’re temporarily stay here whilst our place undergoes some work. i always have dinner pretty early with my son so it’s never an issue for me. But fights are literally ensuing every night over this.

if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing. ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’.

last night he physically grabbed my brother in law’s/his son’s pans off the hob to start shoving back in the cupboard.

to cut a long story short - I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time? And in which case is he now right to have implemented this 10pm curfew. Or is my father mad?

feel like it’s a mad house here and I don’t even know objectively who’s right in this situation.

thanks!

Each to their own but I wouldn't be a fan of cooking that late. At that time of night I'd just grab a snack, or just go to bed.

So yes I'd say it's odd behaviour, especially if you're trying to wind down for bed.

Obviously if your own house it's up to you but wouldn't in someone else's.

I can't imagine eating at that time of night.

Indigestion would be top of the list.

What time are you all going to bed?

10pm ish is my bedtime. We eat no later than 7pm.

Sounds like there are a lot of adults living in your FIL house and he is trying to create some boundaries/ peace in his accommodation. In these situations it is important to take a step back and try to look at underlying issue that may be creating this response in him.

What about middle of the road, 11pm to 7am is night time hours people?

How old are you all? Cooking and eating that late is what students do until they grow up and start work.

Not sure he needs to get that mad, but it seems very inconsiderate to cook that late if it's not shift work related. And the fact fil uses the table for his laptop explains why maybe it's very annoying having food and drink on it when he's finished eating. His house....

Because no one works lates or nights 😂

We run a US business and keep US hours. Midnight is a normal dinner time for us. We didn't complain when we were hosting a Ukrainian refugee who cooked a full hot meal at 5am every day before leaving for work. Because it's not disruptive enough to annoy us in the same house, never mind outside it.

When I worked lates I ate dinner before work. After would have kept me up even later than necessary. If I was living in an underground bunker it wouldn't matter but it is best for my health to keep sleep hours as close to night hours as possible.

At the end of the day, its his house, his rules and as an older child you should respect that. Personally, yes i agree with him, its mad to cook an evening meal at 10pm. Does the clanging of pans and smell of cooking at that time disturb him from going to sleep perhaps? I'm sure you have your own rules at home so maybe just respect his wishes??

Tbh I eat at 9.30/10pm time. I am just not hungry until then. I have a filling breakfast and am on the go until then

Currently getting ready to leave my work and go to tescos then do a 45 minute drive home and I doubt I will get in before 10pm. Then I make myself something to eat

I had my OH’s brother living with us and he cooked at all sorts of times. Middle of the night, first thing, loads of times. I literally couldn’t care less as long as he tidied up.

I mean it’s his house, his rules, but I think it’s mad personally.

It's his house. I'd go nuts too about guests running baths, showering, washing up, cooking, cleaning, etc past 9 o clock. It's when you wind down and relax and get some quiet. If you don't like it move out.

There comes a point where this is just nonsense. It's trotted out all the time, but have some logic and common sense.

If it's FIL house then he gets to decide.

I wouldn't want someone cooking at 10 pm in my house especially if it was food with a smell

YABVU. Who the cluck wants to start COOKING after 10pm anyway?

Getting up at 7am if you don’t have to (ie weekend or holidays) would be a no. It’s horrific enough having g to fit into the societal requirement to be up before 10am for school and work. You’re not ruining my downtime as well.

Today I worked till 7pm, had a cuppa then started my uni work at 8pm. I’ll probably keep going till about 10:30pm before cooking dinner and possibly doing some more. I’ll not be ready for sleep before 1am, despite being up at 7:30 this morning.

13 year old is just having her dinner now. Not sure when DH will eat.

We never have indigestion or struggles sleeping. It works for me/us.

I tend to eat dinner anytime from 7pm to 8:30pm sometimes a bit later or earlier if I’m going out for the evening or I come back form somewhere like the theatre or the gym a bit late.

I lived in multiple flatshares for over a decade across 3 countries so I’ve experienced how various people outside of my family live and i’d say most people had dinner about 6:30pm to 8.30pm. So while I wouldn’t say cooking at nearly 10pm is typical I also don’t think anyone had an issue with the time anyone else cooked! I did have a Doctor flatmate who did shift work and I vaguely remember she may have cooked quite late.

There was also one guy I lived with, very nice guy and also very large with an appetite to match - his parents owned the flat and he used to cook randomly like roasting a chicken at midnight. I only lived there for 2 months but had I stayed there longer the midnight cooking sessions may have been became annoying. Since he was the landlords son I wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on though if I did raise an objection 😂

But in this case it’s his house his rules - his son will just need to abide by them or move out since he’s an adult.

His house, his rules.
My daughter takes ADHD meds which affect her appetite and went through a phase of cooking after 10pm, sometimes at 2am. It wasn't the noise it was the smells that woke me. I put a stop to it too.

How old is Fil ?
is this the only thing you’ve noticed that causes him so much anxiety?
is mil not around? If she is does she have an opinion about his behaviour?
have any of you asked him in the cold light of day why it upsets him so much?
it could be a age thing he was never allowed to eat past a certain time at night.
maybe he’s starting to show early signs of dementia.
maybe he just hates the smell of cooking all through his home just as he’s heading off to bed.
it could be as simple as he’s scared one of you will forget to switch everything off correctly & his home might catch fire.
i know these are really weird things to a younger person but when you’ve worked with the elderly you’d be amazed with some of the fears they have things that you & I wouldn’t think twice about but to them it’s a deal breaker.
speak to him gently say you want to he’ll ease his anxieties & to help him stop these arguments because you can see they upset him ‘ you don’t like seeing him so upset; having an alley will help him feel more relaxed & want to open up a bit more xx

So many people saying in someone else's house... the people cooking are FILs children that still live in the house

Don't you think that if shift work was the reason the OP would have mentioned that?😂😂😂@moomoomoo27

And she hasn't.

So it's 99% likely they don't.

It could be the smells that may float around the house after 9 maybe. It is his house so his rules unfortunately

*Because no one works lates or nights 😂

We run a US business and keep US hours. Midnight is a normal dinner time for us. We didn't complain when we were hosting a Ukrainian refugee who cooked a full hot meal at 5am every day before leaving for work. Because it's not disruptive enough to annoy us in the same house, never mind outside it.*

Whereas here, in this different situation, the owner of the home is disrupted and annoyed.

So are you saying they should stop?

So not just larks but in between people too? I mean people only waking at 7. Coffee, shower, breakfast at 9 weekends people.