To think a no cooking after 10pm ban is a bit much?

[Dontknowwhattodo123456]

currently staying at my father in laws,

his other grown up children still live here.

for context: it’s a big 4 bed council flat (this will be relevant)

We’re temporarily stay here whilst our place undergoes some work. i always have dinner pretty early with my son so it’s never an issue for me. But fights are literally ensuing every night over this.

if my OH or any or his other siblings start cooking at 9:40pm he starts going nuts saying ‘you’re not normal, no one is cooking at this time, this is not fair on your neighbours etc’ and he goes pretty mental over the whole thing. ‘If cooking is not completely finished by 10pm i we throw your dinner on the streets’.

last night he physically grabbed my brother in law’s/his son’s pans off the hob to start shoving back in the cupboard.

to cut a long story short - I’m just wondering, is it mental to cook dinner at this time? And in which case is he now right to have implemented this 10pm curfew. Or is my father mad?

feel like it’s a mad house here and I don’t even know objectively who’s right in this situation.

thanks!

Sounds like he’s fed up with all his adult kids living with him. I’d be wanting my privacy back as well as my kitchen tbh. Maybe there’s more to his ‘no cooking after 10pm’ rule? Maybe he’s just done!

Surely there is a cut off somewhere? A family member is a shift worker finishing in the early hours. They eat their main meal before shift.

It's your fil's home. How can he relax and wind down before bed when someone is banging around, making food in his family room?

If your dbil needs to eat that late at night, he could create a bedsit type setup, where he has a kettle & microwave in his room. Or show some basic consideration and eat before 9. It sounds like it is time for bil to move out.

Cooking a meal at 10pm in an open plan livingroom/kitchen would drive me up the wall

I’m with your FiL on this one

I think it is totally reasonable to not want people cooking meals after 10pm. It isn't a student digs.

Even if 10pm was normal, it's not normal to have the shared room dominated by cooking for the entire evening/night.

Can you not all eat together?

I would be pissed off if I let people stay and we ended up with the shared room having a rotation of cooking going on from early evening for the toddler to after 10pm for a layabout son that needs to grow up.

why not do some batch cooking at a more reasonable time of the day for the shift night workers and they can reheat them in the microwave?

I had a lodger who would do this. Waking up to a bombsite of a kitchen, more than once and after a conversation about it, nearly broke me. She was staying over lockdown and as soon as restrictions lifted she was gone. I couldn't live like that again.

I’d hate to live there, as I quite often start making my dinner at 10/11 or later. To keep the peace he could make a lot of the components or the whole meals and fridge/freeze them and reheat on the stove or microwave.

Way too late. It's his home and he and his neighbours have to get on. I would make it 9:00 pm.

If people work late they need to have prepared something to reheat quickly when staying there.

It is usual for Pubs to finish the kitchen by 9:00 pm.
All the washing up and clean up noise should be over before people are disturbed in their sleep and wind down time..

If your BIL wants to cook at 10pm he should move out into his own house

It's his house so up to him. I'd also not want late cooking. It can be loud and maybe he goes to bed early. It sounds like his reaction is a bit extreme but maybe he's fed up of feeling ignored. He set a rule and boundary and it was trivialised.

No one is right or wrong in this situation. People can eat/do whatever they want in the kitchen at any time. Unfortunately as it’s df’s house, his wishes trump others.

It’s his home. You need to remember that.
cooking so late is t
ridiculous.

Unless you own the house, i.e. if you are effectively a guest (even a blood relative guest) to start cooking at 9.40pm is pretty mad and rude to the home owner

I think the sons need to get organised. If they batch cook at the weekend they will have food ready to reheat in the microwave if they are hungry at 9.30pm.

Your father in laws actions sound extreme but if his house rules are being ignored I can understand him getting frustrated.

I think it’s an odd time to be cooking and wouldn’t want that in my house if I’m honest. Trying to think why… I guess because it suggests a second round of cooking / mess / smells and that my tidying would be undone from earlier. Also that it’s a time the house should be settling down. It’s also disruptive in an open plan setting. But then I’m set in my ways so each to their own.

I think it is very late for dinner, but your FIL sounds insane and it's beyond unreasonable for him to start shoving pans of food in cupboards or threatening to throw it out. Does he otherwise behave like a normal human? Has he had a stroke?

It may be his house, but he's agreed to have you stay over and his behaviour towards his guests, who are also his family, is exceedingly unhospitable and disgraceful.

Its his house and his rules, as the majority of other posters say.

However- saying that its a crazy time to cook dinner- I come from Spain where it is completely normal to have dinner every night at 10/11pm! Just depends on what you are used to, but its not that mad a time.

Same I think. It's not just the noise, I've washed up and wiped surfaces so my kitchen is clean before I settle down for the evening. Kitchen is then closed for proper cooking.

His behaviour is bonkers but the rule isn't especially bonkers.

Not only is it his house, the smell of other people's cooking and the sound of them banging pans around when you're trying to sleep can be infuriating. And I don't just mean for people in that one flat, I mean for other residents in the block.

Having lived in a couple of council blocks over the years, the sound proofing and extraction systems are a bit hit and miss.

Sounds like anyone who needs to have a meal after 10pm (e.g. if someone is working shifts) needs to either have a cold meal or see if zapping something in the microwave is acceptable. Otherwise, those who have a choice about when they eat just need to respect the rule.

This!

Yes if I was sat in my open plan living room every night trying to unwind, the smells and noise of someone cooking would drive me mad at that time. Why can't bil have a cooked meal earlier in the day then something cold at 10pm like a sandwich or salad if it's upsetting his dad so much?