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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband GOT UP

343 replies

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:21

I WFH in a highly creative role. I find it impossible to work during holidays / weekends when people are hanging around the house randomly chatting to me when I'm attempting to concentrate (locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc).

Husband reliably sleeps in when he doesn't need to get up for something, he works in construction and is off this week.

I creep downstairs this morning for a couple of hours of peace / work and husband immediately pops up, yawning, asking for cup of tea. AIBU to demand of him why the hell he hasn't stayed in the bloody bedroom? He has NOTHING ON today. He is currently sitting there, slurping tea, breathing very loudly, preventing me from concentrating.

Go on then, flame me (it's his house too, etc etc, blah blah) but jeez I've had to put up with so many people in my face and space this week I might kill him

No I don't have an office

Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities

I think Christmas might have broken me.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 29/12/2023 08:27

Noise-cancelling headphones. Go to work in a cafe or library.

StBrides · 29/12/2023 08:27

Totally on your side here

Marie2023 · 29/12/2023 08:28

Buy yourself a heater and electric kettle and decamp to the bedroom. I now work in my bedroom. It’s blissful. No TV, no people noisily looking through cupboards for food… it’s great.

Marie2023 · 29/12/2023 08:28

What equipment do you need to do your job, OP?

MooQuackNeigh · 29/12/2023 08:29

Jfc yanbu! Why do husbands do this!? Mine has just been made redundant and so is hanging out in the house a lot. TBF he's been doing school runs etc but he can't seem to grasp that if I'm on my lap top at the table then I'm WORKING!! I'm in a creative field too and need to concentrate and I also charge hourly so I can't just stop for a minute without messing up my timesheet/overcharging clients.

He has lots of hobbies he just wants me to pay attention to him while he talks and then gets shirty when I'm saying uh huh and glancing at my screen instead of gazing lovingly at him while he rants on and on.

2mummies1baby · 29/12/2023 08:29

Why is your husband incapable of making his own tea and getting his own snacks/snacks for his children?

RandomMess · 29/12/2023 08:30

Why the hell was he asking you to make him a cup of tea when you were working?

Lighrbulbmo · 29/12/2023 08:31

Totally get it ! Same here and very annoying …. Even the loud breathing. Sorry no advice only hope for the both of us

Howbizzare22 · 29/12/2023 08:32

Hugs. I feel you. You need some space x

Original poster
BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:32

Marie2023 · 29/12/2023 08:28

What equipment do you need to do your job, OP?

Just a laptop

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:33

MooQuackNeigh · 29/12/2023 08:29

Jfc yanbu! Why do husbands do this!? Mine has just been made redundant and so is hanging out in the house a lot. TBF he's been doing school runs etc but he can't seem to grasp that if I'm on my lap top at the table then I'm WORKING!! I'm in a creative field too and need to concentrate and I also charge hourly so I can't just stop for a minute without messing up my timesheet/overcharging clients.

He has lots of hobbies he just wants me to pay attention to him while he talks and then gets shirty when I'm saying uh huh and glancing at my screen instead of gazing lovingly at him while he rants on and on.

Are you me? I do that uh huh glance at screen thing. He gets offended

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2023 08:33

There is NO ONE who is going to say Yabu op. It is rather worrying that you think someone would. Your husband asked you to make him a cup of tea when you were working?!? Was he joking?

Original poster
BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:34

RandomMess · 29/12/2023 08:30

Why the hell was he asking you to make him a cup of tea when you were working?

To be fair I was making tea. But when he popped up I did go, 'Bloody hell why are you up? You haven't got anything to do today have you??'

OP posts:
KinS24 · 29/12/2023 08:34

Of course you should work in peace. Get a heated throw.
Am also wondering why he asks you to make his tea? Is he terribly disabled?

Ifulikepinacoladas · 29/12/2023 08:34

RandomMess · 29/12/2023 08:30

Why the hell was he asking you to make him a cup of tea when you were working?

My first thought in all of this.

Tontostitis · 29/12/2023 08:35

I sat in Tesco carpark for an hour yesterday. That's one hour I didn't have to make a snack or answer a 'where is' I did get a phone call I didn't answer.

Original poster
BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:36

2mummies1baby · 29/12/2023 08:29

Why is your husband incapable of making his own tea and getting his own snacks/snacks for his children?

Totally capable. I was making myself some tea so fair enough on that one (though I resented it because I didn't want him to be up). The children ask me because I guess I am dumb enough to have been the main snack provider for the past fourteen years

Oh the catering. Make it stop

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 29/12/2023 08:36

Put those big chunky headphones on- no need to plug them in. Make a sign saying ‘At work, do not disturb’.

Consider going back to the bedroom with your laptop.

HangingOver · 29/12/2023 08:37

Not the loud breathing.

DP sometimes munches toast AT me when in trying to work it makes me want to kill him.

Original poster
BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:38

Tontostitis · 29/12/2023 08:35

I sat in Tesco carpark for an hour yesterday. That's one hour I didn't have to make a snack or answer a 'where is' I did get a phone call I didn't answer.

Phone call!? I can believe it though even if it was just an hour... I like the sound of tesco car park. Would go to a cafe but I know so many people round here and they would probably chat to me as well (and I don't want to shatter any illusions I have built up about me being cheerful and friendly when out in public)

OP posts:
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 29/12/2023 08:39

I second headphones, although I blast music through mine. I don't even turn around when someone enters the room. I used to occasionally here h start talking behind me, but I won't turn around until he walks around in front and makes eye contact. I then remove headphones and give one word answers, replace headphones and continue. It took a while, but he finally learned headphones on = office door closed. The kids could be murdering each other behind me and I remain blissfully unaware 😁

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2023 08:40

I think you need to stop thinking this is lighthearted/funny/men eye roll op. You should be angry here.

Original poster
BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:41

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 29/12/2023 08:39

I second headphones, although I blast music through mine. I don't even turn around when someone enters the room. I used to occasionally here h start talking behind me, but I won't turn around until he walks around in front and makes eye contact. I then remove headphones and give one word answers, replace headphones and continue. It took a while, but he finally learned headphones on = office door closed. The kids could be murdering each other behind me and I remain blissfully unaware 😁

You are a queen!! I'm going to start doing this

OP posts:
AllAroundMyCat · 29/12/2023 08:42

Just tell them to leave you alone while you're working, Then ignore them.

Sugarfish · 29/12/2023 08:43

I totally get this! Sometimes my OH moans at me that I shockingly prioritise work, during my working hours! How selfish of me.