Page 13 | Husband GOT UP

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 2023-12-29T08:21:52+00:00

I WFH in a highly creative role. I find it impossible to work during holidays / weekends when people are hanging around the house randomly chatting to me when I'm attempting to concentrate (locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc). Husband reliably sleeps in when he doesn't need to get up for something, he works in construction and is off this week. I creep downstairs this morning for a couple of hours of peace / work and husband immediately pops up, yawning, asking for cup of tea. AIBU to demand of him why the hell he hasn't stayed in the bloody bedroom? He has NOTHING ON today. He is currently sitting there, slurping tea, breathing very loudly, preventing me from concentrating. Go on then, flame me (it's his house too, etc etc, blah blah) but jeez I've had to put up with so many people in my face and space this week I might kill him No I don't have an office Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities I think Christmas might have broken me.

Britpop123 · 30/12/2023 23:50

Odd that you working from the kitchen means your partner is unreasonable to use that room (or be awake), yet when a husband works from a shared room he’s an arse who needs to clear off to another room

goMe46 · 30/12/2023 23:59

m00rfarm · 29/12/2023 08:47

It is one of the benefits of an electric car. I sit in mine for an hour rather than doing shopping. On my own. Doing what I want. Peace and quiet. No slurping or chewing. It is amazing. Sometimes I go to charge my car when it does not need charging.

Omg laughing to myself👍🏻

PaperDoIIs · 31/12/2023 00:04

Britpop123 · 30/12/2023 23:50

Odd that you working from the kitchen means your partner is unreasonable to use that room (or be awake), yet when a husband works from a shared room he’s an arse who needs to clear off to another room

That's double standards for you.

Generally when the mighty penis works from home he does the important mighty penis job, and the hole family are completely banished from the premises , tiptoe around and god forbid they distract him by I don't know.. breathing.

When a woman works for home for her silly little job, is not working really is it? She's still mum and wifey , there to answer to every whim and whine and look at silly vids on YouTube and answer what day it is. Because the mighty penis haver needs his attention right now and can't possibly be bothered to actually check.

JFDIYOLO · 31/12/2023 02:02

Rent a co-working space if only for holiday times. Getting away from them may be your only chance to save your sanity ...

LilBooThang · 31/12/2023 06:16

I answer all their questions with "I'm working" and say nothing else. The questions eventually stop!

AFingerofFudge · 31/12/2023 06:34

@BlackWhiteWhatNow you need to make yourself a mini traffic light system. DH had to do this with me. He WFH and I work shifts so I could be around randomly at 11am on a Tuesday for example. I would suddenly think of something terribly important like some stupid meme I'd seen and go into his office to show him. Anyway he got pissed off with me doing this more than once so he now has a mini traffic light system going on. If it's green when I go in I can talk, amber means he's about to finish so hang on a minute and red means fuck off. Genius.

Tearswontdry · 31/12/2023 06:51

I totally understand your situation. I’m studying and working full time so any ‘free’ time I have I need to study. Lucky enough to have a motorhome, so that is my office on the driveway. Yes I lock the door and yes I have noise cancelling headphones. I very much recommend turning on do not disturb on your phone. I’ve had similar interruptions for silly things too before I went out of the house. In all seriousness OP you need to be crystal clear and insist on work time that is undisturbed. Your children and your husband for that matter are old enough to understand. Good luck OP

Oblomov23 · 31/12/2023 08:04

In agree with Springing Joy that you really need to put in place some boundaries.

VictoriasSponges · 31/12/2023 08:29

I know it's a pain to have to read all the OP's posts, but, you will see that a couple of days ago she told me very firmly that she wasn't looking for advice.

she only wanted to rant and find 'solidarity' (from other women who were unhappy with their Hs.)

Despite saying Christmas had 'broken her' she never meant that and it was meant to be a rant.

You're wasting your time trying to suggest solutions.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/12/2023 09:07

IT'S LIGHT-HEARTED @VictoriasSponges

You know - in jest.

Original poster

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 31/12/2023 09:26

@VictoriasSponges I do appreciate everyone's views on what I ought to do... Also I see the value in hearing those views for people reading the thread who have the same or similar problem and need advice so need to discourage others from advising.

I suppose I took issue with you taking me to task for choosing to only engage with those responses that I thought would be funny rather than the constructive ones. I think, when people post, they don't necessarily want a fix for the problem (unless they ask for one, which I didn't.. Saying I was 'broken' wasn't a request for help and I'm struggling to see how you could interpret it as such. However it shows kind thought for others, which I don't have much capacity for in general so maybe that's why I don't get how you got there)

I've enjoyed every response on here, especially yours. I hope no one feels they have wasted their time reading and replying (note: this is a joke of many layers but meant to be gentle and self deprecating since I often spend hours on mn, and so does everyone else here)

Currently at kitchen table. DH has gone out but DS who usually sleeps in until 12 has GOT UP and just asked me to make him some toast

I am broken. And not getting any work done, evidently. Please don't help me I'm beyond help

OP posts:

MrBojangles1983 · 31/12/2023 09:46

YABVU.

I worked from home during Covid and would never dream of pulling my face about my wife and kids wanting to be in any space in the house- they LIVE there aswell and a house is for LIVING primarily and not for WORKING! I spend money converting my attic into a work space that I still use now- and that works very well

No one can castrate the bloke for wanting a tea when he’s up- if I walked in the kitchen when my wife was making a brew she would ask me if I wanted one and vice versa.

The way this has read to me is the OP is saying her job is far too important for her to get bothered yet she spends more and more time posting on MN… also sounds a bit like cause she is a ’creative’ whatever the hell that is she is looking down on the people she lives with and putting her job before them

Also everyone saying the kids are old enough to look after themselves- so if they helped themselves to their own snacks and ate 24 packets of crisps and 12 Kit Kats each- would that be acceptable… NO it wouldn’t… so the fact that these kids ask for snacks is respectful of them- not just helping themselves to whatever they want!

Get yourself an office in the garden- convert your attic, go to a coffee shop or use a spaces or a wework facility- and stop moaning about the people you are supposed to love living their lives!

PaperDoIIs · 31/12/2023 09:52

MrBojangles1983 · 31/12/2023 09:46

YABVU.

I worked from home during Covid and would never dream of pulling my face about my wife and kids wanting to be in any space in the house- they LIVE there aswell and a house is for LIVING primarily and not for WORKING! I spend money converting my attic into a work space that I still use now- and that works very well

No one can castrate the bloke for wanting a tea when he’s up- if I walked in the kitchen when my wife was making a brew she would ask me if I wanted one and vice versa.

The way this has read to me is the OP is saying her job is far too important for her to get bothered yet she spends more and more time posting on MN… also sounds a bit like cause she is a ’creative’ whatever the hell that is she is looking down on the people she lives with and putting her job before them

Also everyone saying the kids are old enough to look after themselves- so if they helped themselves to their own snacks and ate 24 packets of crisps and 12 Kit Kats each- would that be acceptable… NO it wouldn’t… so the fact that these kids ask for snacks is respectful of them- not just helping themselves to whatever they want!

Get yourself an office in the garden- convert your attic, go to a coffee shop or use a spaces or a wework facility- and stop moaning about the people you are supposed to love living their lives!

I'm sure they can live their lives without asking her what day it is, showing her vids on her phone or asking her where their stuff is while she is working.

Yesididntdothat · 31/12/2023 10:08

OP you sound so sad in your last post. I do think you have to give up on trying to do some work every day of the holidays - it's Sunday today, could that not be a day off? And then try some of the suggestions re taking yourself out to work away from the family next week.

Original poster

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 31/12/2023 10:14

@MrBojangles1983 oh dear touched a nerve there I see

In my defence, my specific issue was that he reliably sleeps in on his own non work days and I was hoping for a couple of hours peace following a run of Christmas and family being all in my space. I wasn't going to sit there demanding silence. It wouldn't work for a start

I don't routinely work at the kitchen table. That would be madness

Laughed out loud at 'creative whatever the hell that is'

OP posts:

Deathbyfluffy · 31/12/2023 10:15

StBrides · 29/12/2023 08:27

Totally on your side here

That sums MN up perfectly - how dare the husband be up and about in his own house! 😆

Dibbydoos · 31/12/2023 10:18

Are you the house maid. He can get his own tea and snacks etc.
Seriously wonder how so many women end up in situs like yours @BlackWhiteWhatNow

VictoriasSponges · 31/12/2023 10:20

@BlackWhiteWhatNow I've just read your update and it's rather puzzling.

I mean this kindly, if you can understand that...

Someone upthread mentioned ASD and you replied that it did exist in your family. I wonder if you are on that spectrum, as you agreed it was possible. You've chosen to work from home, freelance, as an 'escape' from working with other people.

You see, what I find hard to understand is that you write for a living. I am assuming that it's some kind of web content, maybe copywriting, perhaps advertising and marketing etc.

So when you said you were 'broken' and today you've even gone further.

I am broken. And not getting any work done, evidently. Please don't help me I'm beyond help.

What do you think people take from that?
If it's not an overwhelming urge to offer solutions, then what?
Just say 'Okay'?

If you are a writer you MUST be able to judge the impact of words on others and their emotions.

It's not realistic to make dramatic statements about your mental health and expect people to read, run and not try to help.

I'm not going to add anything else to your thread, but a final thought is maybe consider an assessment for ASD or ADHD?

Good luck x

Original poster

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 31/12/2023 10:27

@VictoriasSponges and @Yesididntdothat

I'm not broken, not really. There is a grain of truth in all of it but I'm fine really. I am learning a lot about how people interpret posts on here without context or tone of voice though

So much of communication is in the interpretation, which is true in real life but so much more true on here

I'm just trying to be entertaining... I can see it's not really going the way I hoped for some people

Maybe I should start using punctuation I don't know

OP posts:

MargotBamborough · 31/12/2023 10:44

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 31/12/2023 09:26

@VictoriasSponges I do appreciate everyone's views on what I ought to do... Also I see the value in hearing those views for people reading the thread who have the same or similar problem and need advice so need to discourage others from advising.

I suppose I took issue with you taking me to task for choosing to only engage with those responses that I thought would be funny rather than the constructive ones. I think, when people post, they don't necessarily want a fix for the problem (unless they ask for one, which I didn't.. Saying I was 'broken' wasn't a request for help and I'm struggling to see how you could interpret it as such. However it shows kind thought for others, which I don't have much capacity for in general so maybe that's why I don't get how you got there)

I've enjoyed every response on here, especially yours. I hope no one feels they have wasted their time reading and replying (note: this is a joke of many layers but meant to be gentle and self deprecating since I often spend hours on mn, and so does everyone else here)

Currently at kitchen table. DH has gone out but DS who usually sleeps in until 12 has GOT UP and just asked me to make him some toast

I am broken. And not getting any work done, evidently. Please don't help me I'm beyond help

Please tell me you told him to make his own bloody toast.

welliesandcashmere · 31/12/2023 11:14

Gosh. Find a lovely coffee shop OP. I find that they are more appreciative of me after being left to fend for themselves for a few hours.
I normally work from home - my teens are doing a lot of hanging around over the Christmas break, which is fine - it is lovely to see more of them, but I have taken to allowing them to stay up late on their gaming consoles, with friends, in order to snag a few hours of quiet time in the morning.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/12/2023 13:07

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 31/12/2023 09:26

@VictoriasSponges I do appreciate everyone's views on what I ought to do... Also I see the value in hearing those views for people reading the thread who have the same or similar problem and need advice so need to discourage others from advising.

I suppose I took issue with you taking me to task for choosing to only engage with those responses that I thought would be funny rather than the constructive ones. I think, when people post, they don't necessarily want a fix for the problem (unless they ask for one, which I didn't.. Saying I was 'broken' wasn't a request for help and I'm struggling to see how you could interpret it as such. However it shows kind thought for others, which I don't have much capacity for in general so maybe that's why I don't get how you got there)

I've enjoyed every response on here, especially yours. I hope no one feels they have wasted their time reading and replying (note: this is a joke of many layers but meant to be gentle and self deprecating since I often spend hours on mn, and so does everyone else here)

Currently at kitchen table. DH has gone out but DS who usually sleeps in until 12 has GOT UP and just asked me to make him some toast

I am broken. And not getting any work done, evidently. Please don't help me I'm beyond help

Please don't help me I'm beyond help

I shall hold you in my prayers . . .

MrBojangles1983 · 31/12/2023 14:41

Seriously what is a creative role… I’m not being rude or sarcastic I have genuinely never heard of it before!

No nerves touched here- just think they have a right to use all the facilities as and when

However- playing devils advocate maybe he wanted to spend some time with you away from the kids 🤷🏻‍♂️

Original poster

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 31/12/2023 15:17

@MrBojangles1983 I'm surprised you've never heard of a creative role before, but since you asked, examples include: Author, poet, creative writing for business, publishing, editing, fine art, web design, architecture, musician, composer, scriptwriter, makeup artist, fashion designer, sound engineer,

Sorry this is getting silly you must be winding me up

OP posts:

pineapplesundae · 31/12/2023 22:42

You poor thing. 🤭 I hope you have better days ahead.