Husband GOT UP

[BlackWhiteWhatNow]

I WFH in a highly creative role. I find it impossible to work during holidays / weekends when people are hanging around the house randomly chatting to me when I'm attempting to concentrate (locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc).

Husband reliably sleeps in when he doesn't need to get up for something, he works in construction and is off this week.

I creep downstairs this morning for a couple of hours of peace / work and husband immediately pops up, yawning, asking for cup of tea. AIBU to demand of him why the hell he hasn't stayed in the bloody bedroom? He has NOTHING ON today. He is currently sitting there, slurping tea, breathing very loudly, preventing me from concentrating.

Go on then, flame me (it's his house too, etc etc, blah blah) but jeez I've had to put up with so many people in my face and space this week I might kill him

No I don't have an office

Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities

I think Christmas might have broken me.

It's pretty batshit that at 14&12 your dc ever ask you for food, whether you're working or not. A query about the time of dinner maybe, but my dc would be looked at like they've got two heads if they asked me to make them a snack at those ages. And it certainly wouldn't happen.

You need to tell your kids that your New Years resolution is enabling your kids to be self sufficient. So they can get their own snacks, also put them in charge of cooking dinner once per week. If you don’t one day they will also be mooching around an angry partner asking ‘what’s for dinner’ whilst they are trying to work!

Angry at what?That the man got up and is having breakfast?
Next week on MN “husband was off over Christmas and didn’t even get up until midday”

Yes but then at some point presumably you cave in and do it. That's why they ask.

Yabu in that you need to grow a backbone and not let the family walk all over you. Stop making snacks if they're that old. Say 'sorry, I just made one but there's hot water left in the kettle' if dh asks for tea. Tell them to leave you alone when you're working and enforce that.

Honestly, you're your own worst enemy. Learn to say no.

Yeah but what if after you made it he sat there and drank it loudly in front of you

(I am being slightly unreasonable I concur)

There's no excuse for drinking loudly. Ever.
But...it's his house too, go work in an area that's not everyone else's living space.

Threaten the DC that if they interrupt you for any reason less important than the dog has run away/kitchen is on fire, you will be spending their allowance on a Travelodge room so you can work in peace.

It is hard when your job is creative. I spend a significant amount of time looking like I am just staring at the walls, but any interruption can make me completely lose where I was in the process.

Do you phone him at work and ask where the milk is? Honestly this is just a form of internalised misogyny - is yours not a real job coz you work from a lap top in a house? Maybe if you were building homes it’s a real job?

yANBU. I would carve out a space that isn’t intrusive to the rest of the family so they can still have a good time ant home.
Explain once more your expectations. Then work, headphones on (I do this and don’t even play anything but it just keeps the mindless questions away). Don’t look at the phone unless it’s break time.
clarifiy with your DC who to ask what from each day eg I’m working, your dad is off today so he’s in charge of you. Then just reply ‘not sure, ask dad’ if they break that.

by working at home you’ve probably saved the family money in childcare or holiday clubs so that should be respected. The perks of WFH would be missed by the family if they continue to make it impossible and you choose to take an office job.

So if no-one else is in the bedroom...maybe sit in there?!

I am self employed, so although I am forced to take time off i.e. when people are in the house and requiring me to engage with them, generally I don't take time off through choice. This is why Christmas has broken me

I get that my role is designed, by me, over many years, partly as an excuse to avoid people and it usually works out fine. Christmas is so intense, no? All the family, all their weirdness, all up in my face for whole days and nights

Usually kids are in school and husband out at work but the holidays are always really hard for me

I might get him to build me a shed. That might be the perfect project. However he's less handy at home (shoemaker's children go barefoot etc)

I trained mine not to do that when I’m working at the dining room table and he wanders into the kitchen. He would always start a conversation- I replied with ‘I’m working’ without moving my eyes from the screen and then ignored him. Now he walks in and says nothing, gets his drink quietly and leaves quietly. Took a few goes but we got there.

My dh bangs his spoon against his cereal bowl when he's eating. Urgh

YANBU I would kill.

TRAVELODGE I am looking now

Yes always when I am in the middle of a long thought I am interrupted it is infuriating

Would it not be more relaxing for everyone if you took the Christmas holidays (or at least the bit between Christmas and new year) actually off - rather than trying and failing to work. The children would probably like some attention from you, rather than that they actually need you to make them food, and it seems less stressful than trying and failing to work.

Yanbu to be stressed, BUT if this was a thread about a woman who'd got a week off work and DH was WFH in the living room and he expected her to sit in the bedroom all morning so he could work in peace, you can guarantee she'd be told "tell him it's your home not his office, tell him to go to the office or leave or rent an office or work in the garden but how DARE he tell you you can't relax in your own home!"

They really think it's a hobby. Friends husband has always worked from home. Door closed. The children knew not to go near that room unless the house was on fire. My friend didn't either.

Stand firm

You say you have designed your role to avoid people'.

Why is that? I get people can be hugely annoying but a bit unfair if you're lumping your immediate family in there too.

Yeah, you're not wrong. My husband is an honest gem but I do find men are bad at being alone in any sense, even in the house for a few hours.

Headphones are a good idea. If there's a library space or something near you then that's a possibility too, although I agree you shouldn't have to leave your house.

Yeah, why on earth are they still doing that? Is there a backstory? Would they respond to getting bollocked over it?

Working in the central living space or kitchen and demanding not to be disturbed isn't reasonable.

Getting angry at someone for waking up and going downstairs in their own house isn't reasonable.

Getting angry at someone asking for a cup of tea when you are making one already isn't reasonable.

I swear this site really loves to rag on men doing nothing wrong because they aren't conforming to a woman's unreasonable expectations. None of us would tolerate the shoe being on the other foot.

Wow if my DH lost his shit at me because I didn’t stay in my bedroom, I would be ending it there and then.

If I came on here saying my DH lost his shit at me for coming out of my bedroom then every single poster would be calling him abusive and for me to LTB.

You sound like an abusive bully and have no right to lose your shit at another family member because you think they should stay in their room away from you.

If you cannot cope WFH, then don’t get a WFH job.
Don’t use it as an excuse for your vile behaviour.

If your children are around 14, it's high time you stopped making them snacks. Tell them they can wait for meals or make their own, but on any basis you will not be interrupting your work to wait on them.

You need a workspace away from home. A wework or similar set up.

It is not fair to expect anyone who lives in a house not to actually use it

I think you need to find a clear working space that is not in the middle of the communal areas and make it clear to everyone that this is your work space. I assume you don't have a spare bedroom, but maybe a coner of an under used dining room? Put up room dividers somewhere? The shed/garden room idea? And yes big headphones. Alternatively I think you need to find a local cafe/library or even a workspace you can rent for times you need to work that dh/kids are at home.

But yes teens interrupting by banging on doors for snacks is a bit pathetic...

Hmm yea but I took last week off and we did loads of stuff. This was the first day when nothing social was happening with family etc so I planned to catch up on work