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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband GOT UP

343 replies

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:21

I WFH in a highly creative role. I find it impossible to work during holidays / weekends when people are hanging around the house randomly chatting to me when I'm attempting to concentrate (locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc).

Husband reliably sleeps in when he doesn't need to get up for something, he works in construction and is off this week.

I creep downstairs this morning for a couple of hours of peace / work and husband immediately pops up, yawning, asking for cup of tea. AIBU to demand of him why the hell he hasn't stayed in the bloody bedroom? He has NOTHING ON today. He is currently sitting there, slurping tea, breathing very loudly, preventing me from concentrating.

Go on then, flame me (it's his house too, etc etc, blah blah) but jeez I've had to put up with so many people in my face and space this week I might kill him

No I don't have an office

Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities

I think Christmas might have broken me.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 29/12/2023 09:28

But absolutely at 14 teens should not be asking for snacks. Indeed they can help ,or do the family meal

MildredCurry · 29/12/2023 09:28

Every sympathy. They're all rubbish. I'm sitting on the "broken" pile with you.

DH who has done the grand sum of @#$% all throughout the entire thing. Because he's on holiday!

Mad old mother who has been trained not to come into the room I'm WAH from. So contents herself with hanging round in hall and criticising my phone manner...

DRS1970 · 29/12/2023 09:30

You need to set some firm ground rules. Maybe the first should be nobody talks to you when you are working, until you reach set break times.

inappropriateportioncontrol · 29/12/2023 09:30

I'm retired but enjoying this thread so much . Especially @BlackWhiteWhatNow 's posts . This
It is exhausting reinforcing boundaries - you have to spend a lot of energy thinking how you will present it, then tell them, then continually reinforce the boundary for however long until everyone learns. It's another job for the to-do list isn't it?
is exactly how I feel!!
And this
All the family, all their weirdness, all up in my face for whole days and nights

Grimpo · 29/12/2023 09:31

Getting your husband to build you a garden office sounds like the perfect answer. Preferably right down at the end of the garden.

Dishwashersaurous · 29/12/2023 09:31

Did you tell the family that you were working today?

You need to find a way of shutting a door, even if it's in a bedroom, and making it clear that you are working.

It's not fair to expect people to understand that you are working at 7 in the morning unless you've told them.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/12/2023 09:32

How much would it cost to hire working space by the day?

inappropriateportioncontrol · 29/12/2023 09:32

And yes the crux of the problem is that we all need more space.
Bigger living accomodation.

converseandjeans · 29/12/2023 09:32

YABU to expect DH to stay contained in his bedroom all morning. He should be able to relax in his own house - considering he's usually at work.

You should have an office shed built in garden. In the meantime Travelodge would be a good option to get some quiet.

I think the whole wfh thing is hard for families if there's no home office.

thegruffalosmaw · 29/12/2023 09:34

I also WFH and hate hate hate it when DH decides to have a WFH day as he does very little and if he does work, its a VERY LOUD walking around phone call, I'm like fuck off back to the office. And other family members in laws decide to randomly pop by and DH likes to order lots of parcels cause he knows I'm in so I'm 'free' to interrupt my calls to answer the door. There is no recognition that WFH is actually working. its a bit better since I properly lost my temper with everyone but not perfect.

Spirallingdownwards · 29/12/2023 09:34

Yesididntdothat · 29/12/2023 09:22

Would it not be more relaxing for everyone if you took the Christmas holidays (or at least the bit between Christmas and new year) actually off - rather than trying and failing to work. The children would probably like some attention from you, rather than that they actually need you to make them food, and it seems less stressful than trying and failing to work.

🤣🤣the children are 14 and 12 and probably don't want attention other than food!

Deathraystare · 29/12/2023 09:35

Yes it is his house too, but presumably he is severely disabled enough not to make himself and you a cup of tea!

Find a library/cafe and to hell with them all!

Spirallingdownwards · 29/12/2023 09:35

converseandjeans · 29/12/2023 09:32

YABU to expect DH to stay contained in his bedroom all morning. He should be able to relax in his own house - considering he's usually at work.

You should have an office shed built in garden. In the meantime Travelodge would be a good option to get some quiet.

I think the whole wfh thing is hard for families if there's no home office.

Yes she probably had a spare £7k down the back of the sofa to build it

Yesididntdothat · 29/12/2023 09:36

@Spirallingdownwards Mine are around that age and they absolutely do want my attention - very much on their own terms though! But in the holidays they probably would like a bit more.

Mumwithbaggage · 29/12/2023 09:37

There are some very intense responses on here! I think Christmas has broken me too - I fully get the sitting in the car park/M and S loo/darkened cupboard.

DH just doesn't get it. Love him to bits but if I'm on my laptop he'll often ask me to google something like the opening times of the tip. Er, I'm working.

Maybe find somewhere random no-one will know you? I did loads of work at a motorway service station once. Hustle and bustle around me is good, as long as it has nothing to do with me.

Diggerdriverless · 29/12/2023 09:38

BlackWhiteWhatNow · 29/12/2023 08:44

You're right. Imagine if I turned up at his construction job when he was laying a patio or something and started randomly showing him youtube videos

Show quote history

Remind him of this. Threaten this. Be prepared to have to do this.

HelpMeGetThrough · 29/12/2023 09:38

* locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc).*

Three words to them. DO IT YOURSELF!!!

husband immediately pops up, yawning, asking for cup of tea.

Tell him to make one.

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/12/2023 09:38

Your children should be able to get their own snacks op

PuddlesPityParty · 29/12/2023 09:39

Dunno OP, most women on here with WFH husbands seem to think them working in the house is really annoying and that they should go elsewhere to work since the home is their home not workplace. I do get it, I’m hybrid and value WFH but ultimately the home is a home and things happen there that will cause disruption. Although him asking you to make a cuppa was dickish if you were working.

piscofrisco · 29/12/2023 09:39

In currently sitting in the cafe at my gym because I wfh and have to be in today and no one in my house understands the concept of it (including dh who also wfh but is off til the 3rd-and who we weirdly all have to be quiet around when he has one of his busy and important calls Hmm)

ReTrainTheBrain · 29/12/2023 09:40

What is wrong with them? They have no respect for you, the family servant.

You need to make it absolutely clear that you're not to be disturbed. Stick a sign up on the bedroom door and lose your shit if need be.

SoupDragon · 29/12/2023 09:40

This is why WFH doesn't really work unless you have a dedicated, private space to do it in - when you do have that space it works well. DS1 WFH regularly but we have a spare room he works in so life can carry on (although I do have to be quiet if he is sitting an exam up there!)

If you can get your DH to build you a "shed" this will a) get him out of your hair (more so if he ropes the DC in to assist!) and b) give you that space.

it sounds like you are suffering from People Overload though. I must admit to a sigh of relief when the DC went off to their dad's house and left me totally alone here.

Whataretheodds · 29/12/2023 09:41

Whataretheodds · 29/12/2023 08:27

Noise-cancelling headphones. Go to work in a cafe or library.

Sorry. I forgot to add an elastic band to snap at him if he dares disturb you again.

TrashedSofa · 29/12/2023 09:43

OP is BU to commandeer communal space to work in, absolutely. But she'd still be left with the problem of getting constantly disturbed if she were in a private space with a door. If a 14 year old thinks it's acceptable to bang on the door of a bedroom to ask for snacks when they know she's working, a garden office may not solve this problem either. There also needs to be behavioural change.

piscofrisco · 29/12/2023 09:43

@m00rfarm is a genius. They are building a huge charisma station for electric cars near me at the moment. I'm seriously thinking of getting one so I can just go and hang out there for an hour with my book