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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at the reason I was not invited

213 replies

Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:18

Hello
I just need some outside perspective on this issue because it’s caused a little bit of a rift between me and my partner.

My partner of 2 years has been asked to be best man at this best friends wedding (taking place 3 hours south of our home).

We waited for the proper invites but after hearing that his friends had got theirs (we assumed ours were just lost in the post) my partner called up to double check the dates so we could book a hotel room.
He was then informed that I was not actually invited to the wedding. Partner accepted this but I was a little hurt.

This was just over two months ago and my partner has just met up with the groom (he lives about an 8 hour drive away) and the groom confessed I wasn’t invited because my partner had left the grooms granny’s funeral after spending four hours there to join me at a local music festival (these tickets had been his Christmas present) and also because my partner did not fly down to see the groom on this birthday.
He couldn’t afford the flights (weekend in summer) as we had a wedding in Rhodes a few weeks later.

im quite sad that my partner is still going to be best man at this wedding after the reasons given for me being the only partner excluded.

should I pull on my big girl pants and get over it?

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 23/12/2023 21:19

Your partner should tell the groom to get stuffed!

WhamBamThankU · 23/12/2023 21:20

That's shitty of the groom.

Finteq · 23/12/2023 21:21

BruceAndNosh · 23/12/2023 21:19

Your partner should tell the groom to get stuffed!

Agree

Tinkerbyebye · 23/12/2023 21:21

So your partners actions have meant the fiend doesn’t invite you?

I would be expecting my partner to set the matter straight, ie it had nothing to do with you and to decline the invite

Finteq · 23/12/2023 21:21

Are you married to your partner, because if he doesn't stand up for you now, I doubt you've got a future.

Phonedown · 23/12/2023 21:22

So your partner is being punished by his best friend and the form of that punishment is not inviting you to the wedding.

Or is the friend blaming you for his friend's behaviour.

Either way the friend is an absolute dick. If my partner decided to go to this wedding it would be a bit of a turnoff tbh. It would indicate to me low self-esteem and an extreme fear of conflict. Neither of which bode well for a healthy relationship with anyone...including you.

Iloveacurry · 23/12/2023 21:22

BruceAndNosh · 23/12/2023 21:19

Your partner should tell the groom to get stuffed!

This.

Strictlymad · 23/12/2023 21:22

dont punish dp for grooms poor behaviour and take it out on him, talk to dp, how does he feel? What would he like to do?

ExcitingRicotta · 23/12/2023 21:22

Awful behaviour of them! What point are they trying to make?! I think your partner needs to sit down and have a chat with them to understand why they are doing this.
I think it would only acceptable if uou and your partner had been together a very short while but even then would expect some leniency given he’s best man and two years is a long time!

FionnulaTheCooler · 23/12/2023 21:23

Your partners friend sounds like a dick. I'd say you've dodged a bullet by not having to go to the wedding.

Original poster
Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:23

I am getting the blame for the two occasions mentioned.

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 23/12/2023 21:24

I assume that a few, seemingly, small incidents have made the groom think that he has distanced himself and you are the reason.

I think the groom feels that you are trying to isolate your dp from his friends? Rightly or wrongly.

I think your dp needs to have a chat with the groom

EmmaEmerald · 23/12/2023 21:24

BruceAndNosh · 23/12/2023 21:19

Your partner should tell the groom to get stuffed!

Agree

Also if the groom is that pissed off, why does he want him as best man?

WorkCleanRepeat · 23/12/2023 21:25

Strange. Neither of those reasons actually have anything to do with you. If he's pissed with your partner he should have just spoken to him.

romdowa · 23/12/2023 21:25

If someone refused to invite my dh for those reasons then I wouldn't be going.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 23/12/2023 21:26

I’d be expecting DP to set the record straight - you have done nothing wrong so it’s not on that you are getting the blame.
I would also hope that DP decided not to be part of the wedding.

N4ish · 23/12/2023 21:26

Friend sounds like a manipulative idiot. Think you’re better off staying well away from him.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/12/2023 21:26

If my partner was the groom, after all that, I would lose all respect for him

Original poster
Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:26

He gets angry and upset whenever it is bought up. He says he wishes he had handled it differently when he first found out.

He also said the groom told him “you’ll have a better time without her anyway”. which made me feel shit, as I consider myself a fun person and would have loved to see all his friends again. We all had a great time at the wedding in Rhodes (another from the friend group).

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 23/12/2023 21:27

It was your DP not you who they view as “flaky”, but they blame you. Why? Did your DP blame you for his choices? Did he say you were insisting he left the funeral early to meet you, not that he wanted to? Did he say he couldn’t visit in the summer because you were insisting you both went to this wedding in Rhodes and he’d have preferred to visit his friend?

Your DP wouldn’t be the first person to blame their other half for difficult decisions, and usually it ends up with other friends/family feeling the partner they don’t know very well isn’t nice.

so I’d start with words with your DP, was he clear with the groom that it was his choices to act this way, not you making him? If he was clear, then he should decline being best man, they are punishing his behaviour by being rude to you. Not ok.

Original poster
Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:27

He said he doesn’t want to spoil a life long friendship. He and I have different definitions of friendship apparently

OP posts:
LoudSnoringDog · 23/12/2023 21:28

How old is the groom?? 12??

pathetic

Catza · 23/12/2023 21:28

I wouldn’t be eager to attend a wedding to which I was not invited (or invited to under duress). Having said that, the groom sounds like a bitter ex. Both situations clearly have nothing to do with you.

Krampussy · 23/12/2023 21:28

I don't believe this is the reason you're not invited. I'd guess there's another reason.

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 21:28

Push you need to tell your DH, to grow some balls a d tell the groom to fuck off!