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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at the reason I was not invited

213 replies

Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:18

Hello
I just need some outside perspective on this issue because it’s caused a little bit of a rift between me and my partner.

My partner of 2 years has been asked to be best man at this best friends wedding (taking place 3 hours south of our home).

We waited for the proper invites but after hearing that his friends had got theirs (we assumed ours were just lost in the post) my partner called up to double check the dates so we could book a hotel room.
He was then informed that I was not actually invited to the wedding. Partner accepted this but I was a little hurt.

This was just over two months ago and my partner has just met up with the groom (he lives about an 8 hour drive away) and the groom confessed I wasn’t invited because my partner had left the grooms granny’s funeral after spending four hours there to join me at a local music festival (these tickets had been his Christmas present) and also because my partner did not fly down to see the groom on this birthday.
He couldn’t afford the flights (weekend in summer) as we had a wedding in Rhodes a few weeks later.

im quite sad that my partner is still going to be best man at this wedding after the reasons given for me being the only partner excluded.

should I pull on my big girl pants and get over it?

OP posts:
Fionaville · 23/12/2023 21:43

You definitely need to tell your partner to stick up for you and sort this. I bet he 'blamed' you for the reasons given. He's either blamed you or he's just not sticking up for you, either way he's a shithouse! If he goes to the wedding without you, then he's even worse.

LakeTiticaca · 23/12/2023 21:46

Yoir partner needs to stand by yoir side and tell this man child to shove his wedding up his anal cavity 😡

Dotcheck · 23/12/2023 21:46

I would wonder if your partner blamed you for leaving early

Honeyroar · 23/12/2023 21:47

Not only is he a bit pathetic not sticking up for you, but he is fanning the flames by telling you the groom said he’d have more fun without you. And then he’s telling you he values the friendship more than he cares about you being upset. Not good all round really.

mottytotty · 23/12/2023 21:47

Your partner is a coward and his friend is a dickhead.

If you stay with partner, remember this and absolutely do not invite this dickhead to your wedding or to any other parties or anything.

I would never forgive or forget this.

PercyPigsInBlankets · 23/12/2023 21:48

Dotcheck · 23/12/2023 21:46

I would wonder if your partner blamed you for leaving early

Yeah, I suspect your partner has blamed you for these incidents.

Densol57 · 23/12/2023 21:49

Your "partner" sounds like a spineless twat
What a turn off !
He knows he blamed you for the two previous incidents and now its backfired
Id dump the lot of them - especially the non partner !

CB2611 · 23/12/2023 21:49

.

ConnieCroydon · 23/12/2023 21:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

laclochette · 23/12/2023 21:51

This makes no sense! On the one hand he likes your partner so much he wants him to be best man. On the other hand he is so annoyed with him for these issues that he's going to punish him by punishing you?! Totally unacceptable and incoherent behaviour. Your partner needs to stand up for you - AND himself.

mamacorn1 · 23/12/2023 21:52

Your relationship has hit a block. Your partner has chosen his nasty friend over you. Time to get out of this one sadly, it’s not going to get any better. Why should you feel awful and left out over a friends pathetic behaviour. If you had any future with this guy he would have told his mate to shove it.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 23/12/2023 21:52

Good God, how incredibly childish.
And rude, and spiteful and petty.

Suggest your partner makes his excuses and declines the invitation. Why would anyone want to be friends with someone who says "na na na na, your girlfriend's not invited because you didnt put my interests before hers!" Go forth and multiply knob head.

Iwasafool · 23/12/2023 21:52

Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:30

oh yes. When they had had the chat about why he had chosen not to invite me there was a u turn and I was then invited. As you can imagine, I declined.

So they discussed it and then you were invited? Do you think that might mean your partner did stand up for you?

Genevieva · 23/12/2023 21:52

If you want to rescue the situation you will thank them for their belated invitation, put on your big girl pants and go. They were in the wrong. You should never have been excluded. However, anything else will likely cause ongoing problems. Being there with that cohort of friends will be fun and will mean you get to know them all better. Bride and groom will likely be preoccupied with family.

burnoutbabe · 23/12/2023 21:53

But didn't he stand up for you and ask and then they invited you?

I am still not sure I'd go but that's different.

Unless I misunderstood the timings of things?

Newgirls · 23/12/2023 21:54

Im not sure I 100% believe what your partner is telling you. Does he want you there? The whole thing is odd to be honest

MrsKeats · 23/12/2023 21:54

This is all so childish.

Vinrouge4 · 23/12/2023 21:55

Too many red flags in this relationship.

Janieforever · 23/12/2023 21:55

Are you sure you’re not invited and irs not your partner doesn’t want you there and is telling you this? As it makes no sense otherwise.

PKDaisy · 23/12/2023 21:57

Tell his horrid friend to take a hike. And shame on your other half for accepting!

Butchyrestingface · 23/12/2023 21:59

If your partner is willing to let this shite fly, I would rethink the entire relationship.

The groom's nuttier than a five pound fruitcake but you're not in a relationship with HIM.

PriOn1 · 23/12/2023 21:59

I think you are right to feel uneasy, not because of the reasons for you not being invited, but because your boyfriend is being disloyal in allowing them to do it to you.

I’m sorry OP, but it seems like a dealbreaker. This is a man you can’t rely on. He’s putting his unreasonable friends ahead of you. I understand wanting to hold onto friends as a general principle, but if he loved you, he would put you first.

Birdcar · 23/12/2023 22:00

A wedding is supposed to be a celebration not a way to settle scores. It's going to be a miserable affair.

TawnyFae · 23/12/2023 22:00

One night I overheard an ex telling his mates something he did was actually my fault, so that I looked bad rather than him Hmm

Given your DP hasn’t stood up for you my guess is he’s been blaming you for prior incidents too

My ex even told me I was not invited to a wedding he was going to, then, when muggins here picked him up after it, admitted a place had been set for me and I had been invited

Zero doubt he told them a lie about me cancelling last min or some such shit, just as he lied to me about not being invited at all

As so often on MN, the phrase ‘you don’t have a <whatever you posted about> problem - what you have is a problem DP

Really, really think about how much time you want to waste on a man so spineless he won’t take responsibility for his own actions

Or if by some miracle he is telling you the truth, consider how much time you want to waste on a man so lacking in respect for you that he willing picked his rude and insulting mate over you

Pinko1 · 23/12/2023 22:00

@Yorkiepud2614 it sounds like he didn't want you to go if im honest and made up the excuse. Does he have form for lying?

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