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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at the reason I was not invited

213 replies

Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:18

Hello
I just need some outside perspective on this issue because it’s caused a little bit of a rift between me and my partner.

My partner of 2 years has been asked to be best man at this best friends wedding (taking place 3 hours south of our home).

We waited for the proper invites but after hearing that his friends had got theirs (we assumed ours were just lost in the post) my partner called up to double check the dates so we could book a hotel room.
He was then informed that I was not actually invited to the wedding. Partner accepted this but I was a little hurt.

This was just over two months ago and my partner has just met up with the groom (he lives about an 8 hour drive away) and the groom confessed I wasn’t invited because my partner had left the grooms granny’s funeral after spending four hours there to join me at a local music festival (these tickets had been his Christmas present) and also because my partner did not fly down to see the groom on this birthday.
He couldn’t afford the flights (weekend in summer) as we had a wedding in Rhodes a few weeks later.

im quite sad that my partner is still going to be best man at this wedding after the reasons given for me being the only partner excluded.

should I pull on my big girl pants and get over it?

OP posts:
Jl2014 · 23/12/2023 22:49

These so called friends are absolutely batshit crazy. Your partner need to tel
them to get stuffed. Friends don’t try and control each other with punishment. So so much wrong with this scenario.

Tiddlywinkly · 23/12/2023 22:49

I'd also put money on your bf blaming you in front of him for the earlier incidents and it's backfired.

wronginalltherightways · 23/12/2023 22:56

I'm sorry, OP. Your boyfriend should have told his 'best friend' to get stuffed, as he's clearly trying to drive a wedge between the two of you.

828Pax · 23/12/2023 22:58

That's really horrible! The groom sounds like he is about 12! He sounds extremely petty and not a good friend to your DP at all. (DP also should have told the groom that he wouldn't want to be best man to someone that thinks it's ok to treat you like that!)

Topsyturvy78 · 23/12/2023 23:00

How petty how old are they? Sound like about 12.

Livelovebehappy · 23/12/2023 23:01

Lifeasiknowitisout · 23/12/2023 21:24

I assume that a few, seemingly, small incidents have made the groom think that he has distanced himself and you are the reason.

I think the groom feels that you are trying to isolate your dp from his friends? Rightly or wrongly.

I think your dp needs to have a chat with the groom

Edited

Agree. I was going to say the same thing. Sounds like you may have had more input into these incidences than what you’re saying here?

SheSaidHummingbird · 23/12/2023 23:06

What @Asifiwouldnt said. I would be suspicious.

Southpoint · 23/12/2023 23:08

What a way to tell you they do not like you. Honestly, the groom looks like an idiot for doing this. If you get married what would happened? Would he be the best man? What a dumb guy

Original poster
Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 23:10

I have written everything that’s happened here. I have met him on 3 occasions and had nothing but positive interactions.
if I had done anything to warrant being excluded I would not be upset about it.
I understand that this whole situation is hard to believe. That’s why it’s bothering me enough to ask the internet it’s opinion.

i did not stop him going to London, nor did I force him to leave a funeral (which I did not attend as i had never met the grandmother and didn’t want to ask someone to look after my daughter, we went to the music festival without him then met up later).

OP posts:
Itwasafterallallaboutme · 23/12/2023 23:16

Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:30

oh yes. When they had had the chat about why he had chosen not to invite me there was a u turn and I was then invited. As you can imagine, I declined.

"oh yes. When they had a chat about why he had chosen not to invite me there was a u turn and I was then invited. As you can imagine, I declined."

Does @Yorkiepud2614's paragraph above, not show that the OP's DP did indeed stand-up for her, and to such an extent that the Groom actually changed his mind, and did invite the OP to the wedding? * *

NoraBattysCurlers · 23/12/2023 23:17

There are a lot of red flags here.

I would very much like to hear what your DP has told the groom. I suspect that the groom is judging you based on what your DP has reported back to him and your DP has painted you in a poor light. Your DP is now spinning you a yarn as well. This would explain your DP's inconsistent behaviour.

thelastrose · 23/12/2023 23:17

I have met him on 3 occasions

He's not close with you, and somewhat resents you, and just doesn't want you at his wedding. Given you are not a close friend, then I think suck it up.

Fullofxmascbeer · 23/12/2023 23:20

Yanbu

It will affect all future meet ups with the others too, which isn’t a nice position to be in. Polite and civil but be wary of investing too much in this couple.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 23/12/2023 23:21

When they had had the chat about why he had chosen not to invite me there was a u turn and I was then invited. As you can imagine, I declined.

Going against the majority - un-decline - accept, go and make sure you're looking fabulous. You said you get along with the rest of the group, following the wedding in Rhodes, and the bride. So go and have a good time, while watching to see how DP and the groom interact. Then decide your options going forward.

AGirlWithAHandOnHerArm · 23/12/2023 23:25

Your partners friend is clearly disrespecting you. I would question your partners loyalty to you, to be quite frank, why is he even attending?

thebestinterest · 23/12/2023 23:26

Your partner is in an abusive friendship. What a puss to put it lightly 🤮

how are you attracted to that?

Twilight7777 · 23/12/2023 23:29

I feel like the groom is doing this because he’s trying to push his friend into dumping you.

MCOut · 23/12/2023 23:32

This is a partner problem. He is clearly happy enough for you to be the scapegoat for his decision making. Additionally, if he has been lovely to you prior to this, I don’t think you can discount the possibility that your partner has actively encouraged his view of you to avoid confrontation.

Don’t be upset, the groom is clearly a drama, prone person and attempting a friendship with such a person would be exhausting.

PieAndLattes · 23/12/2023 23:34

I think your DP doesn’t want you there and has made up a cock and bull story to put the blame on the groom.

Fancycheese · 23/12/2023 23:36

If you stay with this man you will be having to deal with different variations of this issue for the rest of your life. Don’t put yourself through it. I hope it rains on the wedding day.

radiantorange · 23/12/2023 23:48

One of my husbands best friends was getting married and when the invite arrived it said ‘husbands name, no plus one’. His friend didn’t like me. That was fine with me and my husband booked travel and a hotel for himself. Meanwhile we flew to New York for 32 days and decided to get married there. When his friend found out we got married he said ‘you can just bring her - if anything she can half in for your hotel room’ my husband went on his own as planned and that’s the last time he saw him, about 12 years ago.

Grimpo · 23/12/2023 23:50

Yorkiepud2614 · 23/12/2023 21:27

He said he doesn’t want to spoil a life long friendship. He and I have different definitions of friendship apparently

But it's OK for his "friend" to spoil it, is it?

AutumnCrow · 23/12/2023 23:52

I think your DP has been telling you porkies, OP.

Mummysatthebodyshop · 23/12/2023 23:52

If you're dp told you they said he'd have a better time without you.. look harder at your dp

gavisconismyfriend · 23/12/2023 23:52

Genuinely, from what you’ve written he seems to be showing you what the pattern will be for the future. It doesn’t sound as if you are top of the pecking order or as if he has your back. But that’s based only on the information provided, only you know how this sits in the context of your relationship and how much it might matter to you in the future.

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